My cousin the Idiot.

hollowway · July 2013

First of all, let me make a disclaimer. I support Military Wives and I know that not all are like this. I know most are civilians. I was in the Army for 4 years so a lot of my opinions are based off experience from what I saw fellow soldiers go through.

My cousin is 19. He is in the Army, stationed at Ft. Drum. He met a girl when he got there in May. All the while having a girlfriend here at home. Well, this week, he broke up with his girlfriend and married the new girl he has known since May.

She is a civilian who grew up in the town outside post. At 18 she has two kids by two different guy. She has a 3 year old and a 4 month old. I tried not to pass judgement on her/him. He's young and dumb and I figured it would lead to a divorce at some point, since they've only known eachother for 2 months. Then I find out he is deploying in the VERY near future and se has access to his bank account.

Having been in the Army and seeing other soldiers go trough this... I can only imagine the worse. Her stealing all his money while he's gone, or getting him trouble for not providing for her while he's gone. Her cheating on him while he's gone. Her only marrying him so that her kids have a dad and so that he will take care of them.

Oh Lord am I having a hard time keeping my opinions to myself... Sorry ladies, just had to vent. Again, I know there are AMAZING military wives who are very supportive of their soldiers... But the circumstances are just way too fishy and I feel bad for my naive cousin.

missesru · July 2013

It's definitely difficult to watch family members or friends go through difficult situations - especially if you suspect they're going to happen before they do. However - this is his life to live and mistakes to make. Your best bet is to hope for the best and assume that he's an adult who can make smart decisions.

Mytaras · July 2013

Yes this is a very tricky situation. And it would be hard to keep opinions to yourself. As sad as it is that he may be getting used, he is the only one that can realize that in time. Even if you try talking sense into people, they probably will do what they want and disregard your opinion, then realize after you were right. Hopefully in this situation you are wrong and she doesn't drain him and married him for the right reasons. Good luck to your cousin!

fitmama418 · July 2013

Navy wife here and as I read your post I said to myself, "yep...all valid worries." I'm with you; I know a small handful of wonderful military wives but hear SO many more awful stories about the cray cray ones that cheat, steal money, cause drama, etc. And I hate to project or be prejudice...but it's almost ALWAYS the young ones. Here's hoping they really did marry so soon for true love and not for her to capitalize on the situation. Keep us posted, please!

Kfran84 · July 2013

Um, yes, all of your concerns happened to my BIL. But his wife was a financial planner by profession. She used his VA loan to buy herself a house and used his housing allowance while he was in Afghanistan and then divorced him about 6 weeks after he got home. Poor guy.

The financial incentive of marriage really drives these young guys nutso.

3LittleBirds12 · July 2013

I understand how you have having a hard time keeping your opinions to yourself! They are totally valid. And, I agree that the circumstances are very fishy.

I hate to post judgment as well. But, a co-worker of mine is going trough a similar situation. She is 20, and just two months ago she was saying how she is over men and going to focus on school. Then she meets a guy from the Army, they date for a week, engaged the next, and then married a week later. When I asked why the rush she said, that his contract renews in a month and he will make more money since he is now married. This is not a good reason to get married!!!!! I do not know if the contract part is true or not, however this reasoning points to disaster.

She then convinced me that they are going to wait until she is done with school before they have children. However, that was a lie. Apparently, if you live on post and have a family you are upgraded to the "newer/bigger" home, and he can also make more money. Again, I do not know the rules of the Army, this is what she tells me. So, she then says they have been trying for a month to have a baby... and she is worried that it is taking too long for her to get pregnant.

I can't help but shake my head and say this is a HORRIBLE idea. But, it is their business and their lives. I also think it, it puts a bad wrap on Military families who are together for the RIGHT reasons, and not there to take advantage of the benefits.

Anyway, I hope the best for your cousin. I hope he has a safe return, and HOPEFULLY an honest wife to come home to. In the meantime, I say vent away. I'm sure you are not the only family member that feels this way.

hollowway · July 2013

I'm hoping for the best and keeping my opinions to myself. It certainly is the younger soldiers who'll into this trap. The prospect of a bigger paycheck because of housing and food allowances, and living outside the barracks is a big draw for a lot of them. What thy don't realize is that if they get on post housing, they dont get the housing allowance. I tried to explain things to him when he joined to make his experience easier, but he's a big soldier now, and knows better than me.

hollowway · July 2013

Smilz4782:
As a former USMC wife myselfI think all your fears are very justified. nbsp;Boot chasers? nbsp;Is that what they call the women who chase the soldiers/military men for that security of housing and COLA and steady income...? nbsp;We could spot those girls a mile away in Oceanside, CA. nbsp;As I'm sure you can near any base.I really hope your cousin doesn't learn his lesson the hard way...nbsp;

We called them tag chasers. ::dog tags:: Essentially yes. I warned him. They're a dime a dozen around any military post. Oh well. I just hope he doesn't adopt her kids.

ladybugpeaches · July 2013

I worry about this happening to my little brother all the time when he tells me he's dating a new girl. But I realize that he's really smart and particular with his money and who he really lets into his life.

There was, however, one girl that he was dating that I TOTALLY didn't agree with him dating at all. He's stationed up near Seattle, WA and we live in SoCal. So he usually will drive down when he has leave. He decided to drive down with his girlfriend to have her meet the family. As soon as she got here, I could tell she was not someone my brother should be with. Eventually with the way she was acting like she was entitled to him taking her shopping out here, going out to eat instead of dinner with the family like my mom planned. Near the end of his trip, she made a comment about shopping for rings since she's met us now. That was the last straw for me! I pulled my brother aside and talked to him, and all his response was, "I know. I've been taking note of how she's been acting since we've been here. She's getting a ride back to Washington, and that's it." He was telling me a while later that was the last time he'd date any girl that lived near base because he was seeing a trend, even with his friends.

It amazes me what young women will do for money. If having a nice house, and nice things, etc., go to college! Get a degree and make money of their own! And using the people who serve our country really puts a sour taste in my mouth! I come from a large military family. All of the men were in the military, even some of the women, and it just really upsets me that there are people out there that do that!

I wish your cousin the best, and I really pray this girl is not using him. But keep a watchful eye for him!

SoonToBeRCarlin · July 2013

I feel so sorry for him. He is serving our country and potentially about to get screwed out of his money. It makes me so sad. I hope her reasons for marrying him were good ones and that she actually loves him and isn't just plotting to take him to the cleaners.

Alaws88 · July 2013

I am a product of this.. Dad is in Army. Parents met and were married 3 months later. I was born 9 months later. They had a awful marriage and both were miserable for YEARS. Until finally divorcing when I was 13. Which I would pray for every night, because the marriage was so terrible.

It made me not believe in marriage in fact I was totally against it for a very very long time.

Crazy, I never realized how common this was until this post....

ETA : after going through a nasty divorce. Dad is happily remarried still in Army and currently serving another tour overseas. While mom is with long time boyfriend but not remarried because if she does she will lose her half of his retirement, she was rewarded in court. .... It Never ends.

Chargersgrl33 · July 2013

Ok, coming from active duty myself, and now a DoD civilian/Air Force wife, have you looked at it from the other side. Your cousin seems like a cheater himself, why wouldn't he cheat in his wife while he is deployed? Very common and happens more often than not.
Now your points are valid but yes you are passing judgement to quick in my opinion.

hollowway · July 2013

Chargersgrl33:
Ok, coming from active duty myself, and now a DoD civilian/Air Force wife, have you looked at it from the other side. Your cousin seems like a cheater himself, why wouldn't he cheat in his wife while he is deployed? Very common and happens more often than not.
Now your points are valid but yes you are passing judgement to quick in my opinion.

I think that's part of my point as well. They rushed into this marriage after only 2 months of knowing each other, possibly dating, while he had a gf back home. I know how soldiers are on deployment, so I wouldn't doubt it if he cheated,and certainly expect her to as well. The whole marriage is a sham and a big disaster waiting to happen.

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