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Help!! Ferber

EPQueenEPQueen member
in Babies: 6 - 9 Months
How long do you let your LO cry before calling it quits for the night? We are going on one hour of hysterical crying we've been going in to rub his back at progressively lengthening intervals. I might die. This is horrible.
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Re: Help!! Ferber

  • JoNi2010JoNi2010 member

    Ugh, so sorry!  He doesn't need diaper change?  Is this your first night?  My LO cried for 45-50min the first night - and hard too.  DH almost called it quits that night but I told him that all this crying will be for nothing if we do.  That is the longest he has ever cried.  After that, it got progressively better, and even when we re-Ferberized he never cried that long again.

    Good luck!!  Hang in there if you can!!

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  • jwebb0512jwebb0512 member
    I decided ahead of time that I could only last an hour and that's how long he cried the first night.  We've been doing it about a week and tonight was the first night he played on his own, and didn't cry, until he fell asleep.  If this is your first night, hang in there! It gets better!  GL!
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  • FTMCali13FTMCali13
    DH asked the same thing the first night. Lol. But honestly, as hard as it was, I knew I couldn't give in. And it was sooooo worth it. It won't last much longer. But something to think about... the book does say if going in makes it worse, maybe don't. It def did for DS. He'd finally stop screaming bloody murder and we'd do our ' check' cause we were supposed to and then it would be back to bloody murder. It gets better!!! How this helps! :
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  • LSU628LSU628 member
    Ferber didn't work for us. It resulted in my DD getting herself so worked up she threw up all over the place. We ended up doing a modified Sleep Lady Shuffle/Super Nanny method. Every night I moved further and further away from her bed but she could still hear me and see me. Way less traumatic on both of us.
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  • SummerOHSummerOH member

    I just got the revised Ferber book yesterday and started to read it so forgive me if this is ignorant, but doesn't he make a distinction between crying and hysterics?  DS's pedi recommended the new version of the book and said that there's a difference between crying and freaking out, and if LO is distressed, abort mission.  No?  Again, a newbie to this who hasn't read the book all the way.

    Honestly, if the Ferber method is about letting them freak out, then it's probably not for me.  Crying, ok.  Screaming for hours until he exhausts himself, definitely not.  Any info/advice is welcomed! 

     

    DD 12/20/99, DS 12/14/12, M/C 9/2014, M/C 1/2015


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  • this decaf lifethis decaf life member

    imageClaryPax:
    There is a difference between hysterical crying which IMO you need to soothe and crying which is them learning how to soothe themselves

    I agree with this.  I don't let DD get really hysterical because IMO she's really not learning anything when she's so wound up.

    I want DD to be able to trust that I'll be there for her if she can't handle it on her own. She's actually done really well with Ferber but she wasn't ready until about a week ago when we started. 

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  • st.augbridest.augbride member
    Ferber never 'worked' for ds for this reason: each time we'd go in to comfort him and let him know we were there, he would cry even harder and get even more upset than if we hadn't gone in at all. I say 'worked' since we never fully tried for long because of this. It was just too much. At some point, he just started naturally sleeping through on his own, but not until 14 months or so. With dd, I need to move her into the crib this week and I'm nervous about it. We attempted a Ferber-like thing with her once and she started the hysterics like ds, so I abandoned it and decided we'd try again later. I need to just get her to sleep in the crib. I will deal with the night wakings and falling asleep on her own later if it doesn't work.
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  • ClbehennaClbehenna member
    imageClaryPax:
    I prefer a slightly gentler approach in that I would mix the pick up put down method with Ferber. There is a difference between hysterical crying which IMO you need to soothe and crying which is them learning how to soothe themselves, as in are they ramping themselves up or winding down and going to sleep? I also had a limit if 30 minutes of crying.


    Would you be willing to share what you did and how this worked for you? Our DS sometimes sleeps through the night, so I think he can self soothe, but we need to transition from him being ticked to sleep. We have attempted Ferber twice, also resulting in hysterics, so I'm looking for other ideas!
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  • ClbehennaClbehenna member
    imageLSU628:
    Ferber didn't work for us. It resulted in my DD getting herself so worked up she threw up all over the place. We ended up doing a modified Sleep Lady Shuffle/Super Nanny method. Every night I moved further and further away from her bed but she could still hear me and see me. Way less traumatic on both of us.


    Would you describe your method, as well?
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  • ClbehennaClbehenna member
    imageEPQueen:
    How long do you let your LO cry before calling it quits for the night? We are going on one hour of hysterical crying we've been going in to rub his back at progressively lengthening intervals. I might die. This is horrible.


    We did Ferber at 6 months, and honestly it was awesome at that time. DS cried on and off for 30 mins the first night, and after the second night was sleeping 12 hours. Once his first tooth started coming in a month ago, he started waking several times a night and would no longer fall asleep in his own. We have attempted Ferber twice since then, and it has been a similar experience to yours. After experiencing it before, I would say that with them getting that hysterical, it's probably a good idea to try a different method! It's just not effective if they are that worked up, IMO.
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  • LSU628LSU628 member

    imageClbehenna:
    imageLSU628:
    Ferber didn't work for us. It resulted in my DD getting herself so worked up she threw up all over the place. We ended up doing a modified Sleep Lady Shuffle/Super Nanny method. Every night I moved further and further away from her bed but she could still hear me and see me. Way less traumatic on both of us.
    Would you describe your method, as well?

    I started off sitting next to DD's bed and singing/sushing her but where I could pat her back if needed. Each night I scooted a little bit further away from her bed but to where she could still see me/hear me. Eventually I was able to work my way out into the hall to where she could just hear me if needed. We had to start all over again once we transitioned her to the toddler bed, but at least I knew it worked for her and was way less traumatic on me and her than just letting her scream. 

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