Been a while. Vent

deebride1020 · July 2013

I seriously hate being married

Im sick of doing laundry, clean, dishes, cook, take care of my son, and deal with this pregnancy and it taken like I do nothing. I cannot spend "his" money unless I ask and it is really degrading feeling like I have to beg for money. When I do spend Im extremely frugal and only buy necessities. I used to live alone and take care of myself 100 before I got married. Had I known it'd be like this I would have never gotten married. i feel so crappy.

artistlife · July 2013

Do you work outside the home? When I was a SAHM, I felt that those things were my job.
Now your DH is sounding a bit jerky for not telling you how much he appreciates all you do.
As for the money, I don't know your financial situation, but DH handles our financEs. I am notorious for not paying bills because my ADD brain will make out the checks and never mail them. Even though we both work, I always ask how the account is looking before I make a purchase. It's what works for us.
I suggest sitting down and talking with your DH before things get heated. Keeping it bottled up only makes it worse. DH sometimes doesn't realize he hasn't told me how much he appreciates all I do. He thinks it, but forgets to say it. I am sorry you are so down. I hope things get better.
ETA...missing letters.

alexisjo88 · July 2013

First thing, your husband sounds like an asss. That being said you sound like a whiny bish. If you don't like having to ask for money, then put your son in daycare and get a freaking job, and suck it up having to take care of your family. If you don't want to be married or take care of your son, get a divorce and make sure to give him custody of your son. Then you can be as much of a slob and lazy you want to be without worries of jeopardizing the well fair of anyone but yourself.

artistlife · July 2013

alexisjo88:
First thing, your husband sounds like an asss. That being said you sound like a whiny bish. If you don't like having to ask for money, then put your son in daycare and get a freaking job, and suck it up having to take care of your family. If you don't want to be married or take care of your son, get a divorce and make sure to give him custody of your son. Then you can be as much of a slob and lazy you want to be without worries of jeopardizing the well fair of anyone but yourself.

Are you having a bad day, Alexis? Or are you usually this judgemental and "bishy" yourself?
I am sure OP is just having a hard time right now.
I guess you and your DH are perfect since you pay for insurance and all.

deebride1020 · July 2013

Thank you yeah he doesnt want me working and doesnt want our son in daycare. I miss bringing in my own income. Don't get me wrong love being home with my son, but I do need to feel like a human and make and spend my own money instead of "his". In a funk of a mood sorry if that Alexis chick can't handle my post.

alexisjo88 · July 2013

dollphnfreek10:
gardennymph:
alexisjo88:
First thing, your husband sounds like an asss. That being said you sound like a whiny bish. If you don't like having to ask for money, then put your son in daycare and get a freaking job, and suck it up having to take care of your family. If you don't want to be married or take care of your son, get a divorce and make sure to give him custody of your son. Then you can be as much of a slob and lazy you want to be without worries of jeopardizing the well fair of anyone but yourself.

Are you having a bad day, Alexis? Or are you usually this judgemental and "bishy" yourself?
I am sure OP is just having a hard time right now.
I guess you and your DH are perfect since you pay for insurance and all.
 
This.  ALL. OF. THIS. 

I guess I am. It just ticked me off she said she hated being married and didn't want to take care of her son.

ETA: Reread that she was sick of her husband not recognizing taking care of son is doing something. OP I apologize, I should have not taken my bad day out on you. I still think YH is an asss.

artistlife · July 2013

deebride1020:
Thank you yeah he doesnt want me working and doesnt want our son in daycare. I miss bringing in my own income. Don't get me wrong love being home with my son, but I do need to feel like a human and make and spend my own money instead of "his". In a funk of a mood sorry if that Alexis chick can't handle my post.

I know how you feel. Being a SAHM wasn't for me. I think I would like it better now that DS is older, but you have to talk to your DH and let him know how you are feeling. Maybe yall can work it out so that you could have a part time job. That way you could get out of the house and make a little spending money.

jenaggie12 · July 2013

deebride1020:
Thank you yeah he doesnt want me working and doesnt want our son in daycare. I miss bringing in my own income. Don't get me wrong love being home with my son, but I do need to feel like a human and make and spend my own money instead of "his". In a funk of a mood sorry if that Alexis chick can't handle my post.

I can see how you would be drained. I don't think being a sahm would be for me. I think you should talk to your DH and tell him how you are feeling. I don't really think it's fair that he calls the money "his" money. I've always been of the mindset that when you are married its "ours". I don't know your financial situation though. It could be also that your DH is stressed about finances and having another LO to provide for. Good luck talking to him, hugs to you, hope it gets better soon.

hollowway · July 2013

This is our first and I currently stay home and will be staying home once DD is born. It is already exhausting and she isn't even here get. I can only imagine how you must feel, staying home with a toddler and being pregnant. I hate having to ask my SO for money and wish I had my own income, but it works for us and he always gives me money when I ask for it.

Are there any mommy support groups you could join? Could you set it up with your DH that you get one night a week to go out and not have to worry about being a mom/wife? Could you talk to him about maybe getting a part time job on his days off or at night? Maybe ask him to cook dinner one night a week to give you a break?

I do think you need to talk to him and tell him that you are feeling under appreciated and that you need a little more support from him.

alatham · July 2013

alexisjo88:
First thing, your husband sounds like an asss. That being said you sound like a whiny bish. If you don't like having to ask for money, then put your son in daycare and get a freaking job, and suck it up having to take care of your family. If you don't want to be married or take care of your son, get a divorce and make sure to give him custody of your son. Then you can be as much of a slob and lazy you want to be without worries of jeopardizing the well fair of anyone but yourself.

So unnecessary.

3Dewdrops · July 2013

You could discuss you having a monthly "allowance" that is your spending money to do with as you please. Not to be spent on groceries or necessities. I actually don't even share an account with my DH and so end up having him pay my credit card bill off monthly. I do occasionally ask him about purchases if they are large and think he should probably get a say, like when I bought a mattress recently for DD2.

It really sounds like you need to communicate how you feel with DH at a time when you're not upset about it. I hope tomorrow is a better day!!

deebride1020 · July 2013

Thanks for all of the advice and support ladies! Had a chat with dh and settled things a bit better. He admitted that he was wrong about a few things. Love beig a SAHM but everyone needs to feel good anout themselves once in a while and Im used to not living on someone elses income. Been supporting myself since 16 fully and finding it hard to depend on another person and not have them understand or appreciate all the hard work that goes along with being a SAHM.

lafsalot · July 2013

Maybe you need to talk with him about the value of what you do, ex how much housekeeping, daycare, cooking would cost and that you would feel better if you had some spending money... An allowance as my grandma called it. DH and I have joint checking but he still has a savings account of his own, I pay all the bills and entertainment expenses... My grandparents had separate accounts she was a stay at home mom and wife most of her life so she made him pay her for what she did, she also raised the kids while he was in active service for 27 years and lived in the allowance he gave her to raise 4 kids. When he retired, he paid the bills and still gave her an allowance, she had her own credit cards she paid for and her own money that way. It seemed to work for them. Now she pays all the bills because his health is declining, they will be married 60 years this Thursday. I won't say any part of marriage is easy, it is work and it take both people giving everything they have to the other person to make it work. I think st times we all get tired of doing something for others but we have to remember why we married the person to begin with. Hang in there, maybe talk about some kind of allowance so you feel financially able and ask for a date night to reconnect with the person you married.

Mpx3mom · July 2013

Alexis as a stay at home mom of 3 who is sole caregiver, nurturer and momager of 5 people, im take great offense at your attack on this momma venting as stated in message header!! U dont stay at home otherwise you would never have said that. And when moms post online its usually when we are at a loss with what to do. So support and understanding is needed not another ego bruiser or insinuation at get the f off rhe couch and get a job! Get a divorce ** everything!! Cause im not happy is the attitude u are taking!! A real mother wife and superhero for keeping kids and husbands alive by the end of some days is what we do!! B/c we love and care! Not b/c we are lazy selfish ungrateful! B/c we give our EVERYTHING to the people we love, not quit asa we arent happy! So shut up or respond! Omg the idiocy and self importance is what is wrong with people today! Walk 1day in our worst day and bet you will change your tune!

Mpx3mom · July 2013

I know exactly what you are feeling! There are days i literally would walk away if i didnt love them so much! I have 3 ages 10,5, 10 months. Hubs works 70hrs a week so i cook, and provide emotional and mental support always! Im his biggest advocate, but he is grown knows how to wash clothes and heat up or make quick lunches! If u do continue with doing everything that you hate, u start hating him and even life kids etc!! Not homicidal or abusive, i just went until i couldnt anymore and told him and kids the honest truth! Love ya but its my job to raise adults not children and he can do his own necessary cleaning. Clothes are the bane of my existance and i dont get a shower everyday. But i am blessed to have a financially supportive hubs sometimes emotionally; my babies are my ewason for going everyday even when i want to curl up and disappear! Stay strong momma! U are the strongest in that house but even houses need maintenance! Im reesearching sahm money ideas if you are interested and im training for a warrior dash. Give 1 hr or at least 30 min. To what u need a day. Like a shower *** and shave in peace for me. Lol btw alexis chick got hers served i am infuriated for all sahms!!!

Stonal · July 2013

So I have the total reverse situation. My husband is a teacher and SAHD during the summer for our 6 year old nephew we have custody of. All the money he does make during the year is deposited in my account because I take care of the bills. He spends like a drunken sailor so if I didn't take care of the finances we would be bankrupt. He does need to clear all bigger purchases with me but I feel it's best for both of us. As far as the cooking and cleaning and taking care of the house, I do appreciate it but I expect him to do it he is home all day. I know it's a job and hard work but so is my job and he doesn't tell me every day when I get home what a great job I did going to work and how much he appreciates it. It's not that I don't appreciated it I just don't vocalize it. Maybe this will help you understand it from your husbands point a little.

JaysonandKristin · July 2013

Stonal:
I know it's a job and hard work but so is my job and he doesn't tell me every day when I get home what a great job I did going to work and how much he appreciates it. It's not that I don't appreciated it I just don't vocalize it. Maybe this will help you understand it from your husbands point a little.

I think that to this point, if you NEED to hear it, you need to communicate that you need it.

He's your husband, he's not a mind-reader. If you busted your @$$ all day doing something, and you want to hear what a fantastic job you did, your DH should already KNOW that this is what you need to hear.

You also should be reciprocating this appreciation. If he's putting in extra hours or super stressed about an upcoming work obligation, make sure that you're communicating your appreciate of him and his efforts. Hell, if he's been working 9-5 for the past decade just let him know you appreciate it. It's not hard... it's a few words with some serious weight. I know I like to hear it.

Either side of the coin is rough. Letting each other know how much you appreciate their contribution to your life is NEVER a bad idea.

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