Trying to reel him

Eemajean · July 2013

I'm trying to figure out how to tell the father I'm pregnant

Eemajean · July 2013

We've broken up for about a month and a half plus I jus found out that I'm pregnant 16weeks. I still haven't told my family

Julieturner507 · July 2013

Yeah. Now is the time to start sharing, girl. Your family needs to know it sounds like you could maybe use the support, and the father definitely needs to know, just so that he has the opportunity to take responsibility and be involved, if he chooses to do that.

Eemajean · July 2013

The break up was horrible. A huge blow up. So I don't want him to think I'm telling him this so we can get back together

golfingdarwinfish · July 2013

Eemajean:
The break up was horrible. A huge blow up. So I don't want him to think I'm telling him this so we can get back together

Why is the title of this about "reeling him in"? That usually means catching and bringing in, so it sounds like you want to get back with him.

I would just be upfront and honest and say you have no intentions if getting back together, but wanted him to know you're pregnant. It may help if you have done idea of what you want/expect from him and can convey that to him when you tell him; even if you expect or want nothing.

Eta: sorry for the edit, hit send too quickly

KFED103 · July 2013

Cashingn2:
VCGolfNYC:
Eemajean:
The break up was horrible. A huge blow up. So I don't want him to think I'm telling him this so we can get back together

Why is the title of this about "reeling him in"? That usually means catching and bringing in, so it sounds like you want to get back with him.

I would just be upfront and honest.

Exactly what I thought.

The words "I'm pregnant" always work. Not really another way to say it. And if he doesn't want to be with you, this probably won't change his mind...again depending on your situation.

greenbeanqueen · July 2013

In the off chance that this is not MUD:

I would start talking to a lawyer about child support. If you had an ugly breakup with this guy why would you want to be with him? He clearly doesn't want a relationship with you and if you try to trap him with this baby then he will resent you and you will either A) end up married in an ugly relationship that will likely end in divorce, piss him off and make him want nothing to do with you or baby, or C) deny it's his.

You need to tell him and approach it in a way as "I want to let you know so that we can work out the responsibility and custody details amicably" not in a "Guess what I'm knocked up so now you gotta love me" kind of way.

Palanakei · July 2013

Well it sounds like the only way to tell him is to just tell him.

Eemajean · July 2013

It was a typo it meant to say telling him

JRT512 · July 2013

He definitely deserves to know. Have you seen the doctor yet and had an ultrasound? Once your doctor has confirmed the pregnancy and you have more information to give him such as an ultrasound pic and a due date, you can call him or meet up. Simply telling him "I'm pregnant" without any other info could look like a cry for attention or attempt to get him back. I've see plenty of men who are great fathers even though they were no longer romantically involved with the mother. I hope that he responds positively and decides to help support the baby and be involved. Keep in mind that it may take him a while to process the news and his feelings about being a father may change over time.Best of luck!

Eemajean · July 2013

greenbeanqueen:
In the off chance that this is not MUD:nbsp;I would start talking to a lawyer about child support. If you had an ugly breakup with this guy why would you want to be with him? He clearly doesn't want a relationship with you and if you try to trap him with this baby then he will resent you and you will either A end up married in an ugly relationship that will likely end in divorce, B piss him off and make him want nothing to do with you or baby, or C deny it's his.You need to tell him and approach it in a way as "I want to let you know so that we can work out the responsibility and custody details amicably" not in a "Guess what I'm knocked up so now you gotta love me" kind of way.nbsp;

I don't want to be with him the title was a typo. I just want us to be able to raise a child with out the hassle of lawyers. But I know it's gonna end like that.

greenbeanqueen · July 2013

Eemajean:
greenbeanqueen:
In the off chance that this is not MUD:nbsp;I would start talking to a lawyer about child support. If you had an ugly breakup with this guy why would you want to be with him? He clearly doesn't want a relationship with you and if you try to trap him with this baby then he will resent you and you will either A end up married in an ugly relationship that will likely end in divorce, B piss him off and make him want nothing to do with you or baby, or C deny it's his.You need to tell him and approach it in a way as "I want to let you know so that we can work out the responsibility and custody details amicably" not in a "Guess what I'm knocked up so now you gotta love me" kind of way.nbsp;
I don't want to be with him the title was a typo. I just want us to be able to raise a child with out the hassle of lawyers. But I know it's gonna end like that.

I know it is much easier now not to deal with lawyers, but in the long run it is better to have something in writing signed off by a judge than to have a verbal agreement. If he doesn't follow through in a few years then you are left without money or things you need until you can work through litigation. It is much easier to have a plan before the baby is born than try to deal after with him being noncommittal and unhelpful. Also, unless you handle it now, he may get mad later and decide to sue for custody and take the child from you. I would just try to work through it amicably and get a written legal document with whatever you guys agree to.

Eemajean · July 2013

JRT512:
He definitely deserves to know. Have you seen the doctor yet and had an ultrasound? Once your doctor has confirmed the pregnancy and you have more information to give him such as an ultrasound pic and a due date, you can call him or meet up. Simply telling him "I'm pregnant" without any other info could look like a cry for attention or attempt to get him back. I've see plenty of men who are great fathers even though they were no longer romantically involved with the mother. I hope that he responds positively and decides to help support the baby and be involved. Keep in mind that it may take him a while to process the news and his feelings about being a father may change over time.Best of luck!

Thanks, I've been to the doctor and schedule any and all appointments. This is like the most reasonable way to discuss it with him without our tempers flaring

cherylnicole · July 2013

Eemajean:
We've broken up for about a month and a half plus I jus found out that I'm pregnant 16weeks. I still haven't told my family

How do you know you're 16 weeks? Last time you guys had sex? An ultrasound? Have you been to the OB yet? You need to tell him at some point, so just coming clean and "ripping the band aid off" is really the easiest way to do it. The more you think about it, the more you'll over analyze it and the more nervous you'll get.

Just don't think about it and do it.

Eemajean · July 2013

greenbeanqueen:
Eemajean:
greenbeanqueen:
In the off chance that this is not MUD:nbsp;I would start talking to a lawyer about child support. If you had an ugly breakup with this guy why would you want to be with him? He clearly doesn't want a relationship with you and if you try to trap him with this baby then he will resent you and you will either A end up married in an ugly relationship that will likely end in divorce, B piss him off and make him want nothing to do with you or baby, or C deny it's his.You need to tell him and approach it in a way as "I want to let you know so that we can work out the responsibility and custody details amicably" not in a "Guess what I'm knocked up so now you gotta love me" kind of way.nbsp;

I don't want to be with him the title was a typo. I just want us to be able to raise a child with out the hassle of lawyers. But I know it's gonna end like that.
I know it is much easier now not to deal with lawyers, but in the long run it is better to have something in writing signed off by a judge than to have a verbal agreement. If he doesn't follow through in a few years then you are left without money or things you need until you can work through litigation. It is much easier to have a plan before the baby is born than try to deal after with him being noncommittal and unhelpful. Also, unless you handle it now, he may get mad later and decide to sue for custody and take the child from you. I would just try to work through it amicably and get a written legal document with whatever you guys agree to.  

Your extremely right and it saddens that I might have to go threw legalities my with my once friend.

aessary03 · July 2013

Eemajean:
greenbeanqueen:
Eemajean:
greenbeanqueen:
In the off chance that this is not MUD:nbsp;I would start talking to a lawyer about child support. If you had an ugly breakup with this guy why would you want to be with him? He clearly doesn't want a relationship with you and if you try to trap him with this baby then he will resent you and you will either A end up married in an ugly relationship that will likely end in divorce, B piss him off and make him want nothing to do with you or baby, or C deny it's his.You need to tell him and approach it in a way as "I want to let you know so that we can work out the responsibility and custody details amicably" not in a "Guess what I'm knocked up so now you gotta love me" kind of way.nbsp;
I don't want to be with him the title was a typo. I just want us to be able to raise a child with out the hassle of lawyers. But I know it's gonna end like that.
I know it is much easier now not to deal with lawyers, but in the long run it is better to have something in writing signed off by a judge than to have a verbal agreement. If he doesn't follow through in a few years then you are left without money or things you need until you can work through litigation. It is much easier to have a plan before the baby is born than try to deal after with him being noncommittal and unhelpful. Also, unless you handle it now, he may get mad later and decide to sue for custody and take the child from you. I would just try to work through it amicably and get a written legal document with whatever you guys agree to.
Your extremely right and it saddens that I might have to go threw legalities my with my once friend.

I'm coming into this a little late. I would meet him in a public place, for like say coffee or a light meal, that way you're both forced to keep it mature and civil. I would be up front and very matter-of-fact. Let him know what you would like for him -- be very straightforward about it, too. He may surprise you by wanting to involved. However, don't be surprised if he's not. It's going to be a lot for him to take in and he may be stand-offish at first. But give him some time and he may come around.

If he decides he wants to take this journey with you, you will need to not only pursue child support, but also a parenting plan with the courts that outlines custody issues and visitation schedules. It's pretty common and easy to do. You can do it yourself and file it with the court yourself. However, if he's not agreeable to your terms, then you may have to hire an attorney.

Good luck. It's not an easy situation.

KELLILOVESJOSH · July 2013

Take the advice of the pp's. I know the first step is telling him, but definitely get some legal advice. My cousin got pregnant, she had a friends with benefits situation and it just happened. They never had intentions of being together so she wasn't worried about that but wanted her daughter to have a father. She told him and he was happy and involved at first, seeing her every other weekend, paying child support regularly. Now her daughter is 7 and the dad is married with a baby and never sees her and rarely pays child support. I'm not saying this will happen to you but no matter his reaction it's always a good idea to get court ordered child support. It's better to think about it now than to deal with it later when the child might understand what is going on. Good luck and congrats on your LO

sonrisa · July 2013

Step 1: decide for yourself if you want to carry this pregnancy to term.

Step 2: decide for yourself if you plan to raise this child or give it up to a different home.

Step 3: Once you know what you plan to do, determine what (if any) involvement he needs to have. You won't need child support or shared custody in the first two cases.

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