Big deal or not?

Rachey1082 · July 2013

Solve the argument... Here's a back story.

My mom hires a sitter to watch the boys at her house every Wednesday afternoon. She's sweet, a little nerdy, church going 15 year old girl.

Last year, L was 3, my dumb sisters boyfriend gave him a sparkler unsupervised. L is hyper and unpredictable, not only that but he was only 3. He burnt his face really badly within minutes.

This year, DH's sister had L during sparklers and let him have some supervised. I was fine with it because her kids are the same age and I knew she could handle him. Although, truth be told, I didn't even know she gave him the sparklers until after the fact. Well, DH was hanging out with J and L during the fireworks and sitter came over and asked if she could play with L because she was "bored". DH said to her, "yes, BUT absolutely NO sparklers." DH came back over moments later to find sitter with L and he has a sparkler in hand. DH reacts very firmly grabbing sparkler from L's hand and quickly taking him away from sitter. He comes directly to me and says that sitter didn't listen to him and because of this she isn't allowed to be around the boys anymore at all.

The sitter has been around both of them since birth and they both love her. Infact, both of them have told me how much they care about her.

So, sitter texts me and asks if I'm mad. Of course I'm mad, I call her the following day to discuss what happened. She says she didn't hear DH say that L wasn't allowed to have sparklers plus my sister handed it to him and she saw DH's sister give him some earlier.

Back to today, I allow her to baby sit. I really feel like it was a mid communication and there are always adults around when she's baby sitting.

H finds out that I let her sit and he gets super pissed at me for letting her watch them.

Anyway, am I under reacting? Or is he over reacting? Would you give her another chance? Do you believe she didn't hear him?

ladybugpjb · July 2013

I think the fact that your sister gave him sparklers and the sitter saw that complicates the issue.

If this has been the only incident of her disregarding or not hearing your directions, then I would give her a second chance if she seems to understand how serious the issue was.

Rachey1082 · July 2013

ladybugpjb:
I think the fact that your sister gave him sparklers and the sitter saw that complicates the issue. If this has been the only incident of her disregarding or not hearing your directions, then I would give her a second chance if she seems to understand how serious the issue was.

When I talked to her the following day I made a point of saying that if there's any uncertainty at all to ask the parent of the child. Since she was getting mixed signals that would be an appropriate time to ask a parent.

pepperpotts317 · July 2013

Sounds like she's not the type to blatantly disregard what your DH said, so I would believe her. I would also give her another chance. She will probably be hyper vigilant when she's with the boys now and she loves them. Though, I would make sure she knows that this is her last chance. I'm sorry you and your husband are fighting over this. I do see his side, but I also see hers.

melissa0726 · July 2013

I would still let her babysit. especially since there is always an adult around while she entertains the boys.

Even if she had heard your husband say no sparklers, another adult in the group is the one who gave it to him. In her position, she's 15, I couldn't see myself challenging an adult about what he was or wasn't allowed to be doing, kwim?

I do get why your husband is upset, but it's not like she is the one who handed him the sparkler.

Rachey1082 · July 2013

Kimbus22:
I can see how your H reacted that way, thinking she blatantly ignored him. But it also sounds like a legit misunderstanding. So I would give her another chance.BUT I also feel like you owe DH an apology for letting her around the kids without discussing it with him after he made it clear he was against it. Sure, you got more info and realized it was a mistake but he didn't know that yet. In my book if either parent is uncomfortable with someone being near the kids, no matter the reason, then that person is not around the kids.nbsp;

I think I made a mistake by not discussing it with him. But, he's also the king of over reacting then not really caring in the end. I'm going to try and talk to him about it again tonight.