- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Adoption
CasaRosada
member
Family reactions? vent.
CasaRosada
member
in Adoption
Hola! I have only posted here a few times and mostly lurk.
We're just starting the process - our application was all submitted and we're supposed to hear from someone to set up times for our home study meetings sometime this week or next.
So far we've only told a few close friends, our references (of course 
) and family. DH's family was really great about it (which was surprising because the last conversation we had with them about adoption didn't go well), our friends have been supportive and most of my family has been so excited for us. Everyone but my mom.
I've known I was going to adopt my entire life and have always talked about it. Everyone who knows me knows that I'm going to be adopting, it's just a matter of when. Even when DH met me he knew I was going to be adopting before we even started dating. :-) So anyways, it was no surprise to my mom that I am adopting.
i don't want to go into detail but the basics are that I told my mom we're starting the adoption process and she didn't even acknowledge that I had said anything at all. I kept bringing it up for the next few days, talking about the application, references, etc. Still nothing. Two weeks passed before she acknowledged it but that is only because a family member said something to her. I didn't reply to her text and haven't really spoken to her since. I'm just confused by her (lack of) reaction and really hurt. My friend just announced her pregnancy to her parents and was telling me how her mom was so happy that she cried. It really hurt to hear how her mom reacted after I got nothing from mine. Sigh.
Basically I just wanted to vent to people that might understand.
Did anyone else have family that reacted similarly? Or had a negative reaction and eventually got over it? How did you handle it?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Family reactions? vent.
What did the text she finally sent you say? If it were my mom, I would call her out on it and ask her what she was having an issue with. If she is feeling some disappointment for some reason, I would try to find out why and talk it through with her. It seems weird though, given the background that you have been open about this for some time. I would think at some point she would have commented about how she felt about it and why.
If it were a more distant person in my life, I probably would not push it so much, but I think you need to have a sit-down with your mom and get to the bottom of this.
my mom struggled a lot with worrying she wouldn't love an adopted child like her bio grandkids. It was REALLY hard for her to wrap her mind around it while we went through the process. It was definitely tough on our relationship at the time.
I wonder if that's what is going on?
FWIW, my dd is her nana's GIRL... they couldn't be closer and my mom couldn't love her more. Also our teenage son who we adopted at 18? She is fiercely protective of and loves him just like her other grand kids.
I think a lot of people outside the process just don't get as excited because they can't see the progress being made, or have an idea of when the child will be here, as well as knowing if it'll work out.
Most pregnancies have a specific timeline and most work out in the end. It sucks for us as adoptive parents, because we are excited about the process and want to be acknowledged as parents to be. It especially hurts when it's a close family member.
I know though, that once the chld is in your arms, everyone will be so very excited and bond just fine with the baby. It's how it worked with my first. And although I have since gone on to have bio twins, no one in my family actively remembers that DS is adopted. It's like, "oh yeah, that's right, he's adopted". He doesnt get treated any differently than any of the other kids in the family. Everyone is just as excited to see him as the new babies.
It just sucks at the beginning of the process, as a lot of people just don't get it. It's just not real to them until there is something tandible for them to see or touch. I hope your mom does getexcited as you talk more about the process. Hopefully when you chat with her about it some more you can explain how you are feeling and that you could really use her excitement to help boost you up during the process.
TTC since May 2006. After 3 failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed Injectibles/IUIs, 2 failed IVFs and 1 failed FET, we moved on to adoption!
Last ditch FET resulted in BFP, and identical twin girls!
You have all given great advice/feedback. I'll definitely try talking to her. It's really nice to hear from other people that have been there.
Thanks!
We didn't have that happen, but I agree it may be a combo of your mom adjusting her mindset to not having a bio grandchild, ignorance about the process, and not knowing what to say based on an indeterminate timeline. Knowing you want to adopt in the abstract and having it become a reality may take some getting used to. I recommend the book In On It for her.
GL