Dealing with a negative coworker

Nala37 · July 2013

I started a new job not too long ago at a small office and everyone is great except for one coworker. We get along well in general, but she is incredibly negative about work. She constantly complains about the boss, occasionally about two other coworkers, and about clients or issues that have come up with regard to files we are working on. She gets incredibly worked up over little things and while I try to be positive and optimistic, whatever problem there is at that moment is suddenly the end of the world. She hasn't been in a good mood a single day since I started and it is driving me crazy.

I don't know what to do. I can't say anything to anyone else at work about it because I don't want her to get in trouble, but I'm also losing probably an hour a day listening to her complaints. Any advice on how to deal with this?

Courtimilk · July 2013

Would it be out of line to buy her a donut (or some other sweet treat) and inform her that she's bitter and needs to sweeten up?

tonychelle · July 2013

It's rough -- I've dealt with people like that from time to time. Not sure how you 'react" to her or interact with her, but is there a way to not necessarily ignore her, but not add to it, or somehow turn around what she says into something positive or not as negative? Or does she just kinda blabber on anyway?

Once a coworker of mine would talk to me and another coworker about others/issue, and we decided just not to "feed" her and just kind of say ok or act like it wasn't a big deal (nicely/professionally, of course) and move on -- she would quickly stop talking instead of going on and on, and eventually stopped really coming to us with negative comments like that. It was still rough from time to time but it definitely helped some.

Good luck -- those people definitely can bring the whole place down, especially when you have a couple of people like that.

Reilly626 · July 2013

Kill her with kindness and positivity maybe it will wear off!

thedash · July 2013

I like the idea of minimizing your responses. Trying to be positive may just fuel her fire of complaints. Try a variety of "oh," "wow," "huh," and other really bland, short responses. Even some shrugs while you look away or start doing something else. It will be a little awkward for a while but hopefully she'll move on to talking someone else's ear off!

EastCoastBride · July 2013

thedash:
I like the idea of minimizing your responses. Trying to be positive may just fuel her fire of complaints. Try a variety of "oh," "wow," "huh," and other really bland, short responses. Even some shrugs while you look away or start doing something else. It will be a little awkward for a while but hopefully she'll move on to talking someone else's ear off!

This.

Also, start "being busy". "Hey- I really can't talk right now. I have a ton to do" when you see her coming.

AND also- maybe start putting it back on her. "What do you think you could do to change it?"/ "How do you plan to come up w/ a solution?". Or something to that effect depending on what/ who she's complaining about.

If you start pushing her to DO something about her complaints, she might stop coming to you to complain.

itsmevkb · July 2013

I've used a combination of short responses like "oh", "uh" and "I'm really busy right now" to also responding to complaints with "would you like to head up the committee to fix that?" That normally shuts people up.

jnnfrrose6 · July 2013

Nala37:
I don't know what to do. I can't say anything to anyone else at work about it because I don't want her to get in trouble, but I'm also losing probably an hour a day listening to her complaints. Any advice on how to deal with this?

Why can't you say anything about it? You shouldn't assume she'd "get in trouble" and your boss should be aware (if they aren't already) of her attitude and it's impact. You can always broach it as "I'm new, so I don't know if this is how she usually is, but I've noticed so-and-so seems to be pretty negative. I find it difficult to get the work you hired me to do done because I get stuck listening to her complain. Is it possible for me to work separate from her?"

MirandaHobbes · July 2013

Ew, I deal with this all the time. For me it's toxic gossip, and I find myself getting in the middle of things (I try to be the middleman and then inadvertantly end up talking out of both sides of my mouth). Every once in awhile I go through a "cleanse" where I just keep to myself- if someone comes around I'll firmly but nicely say I'm in the middle of something, or I have to make a phone call. They get the hint pretty easily.

Nala37 · July 2013

I try the short "oh" "yeah" "uh huh" responses, but she tends to just keep going. I am terrible at telling people to go away, and usually she starts out talking to me because about half of the files I'm working on, she is also directly involved in, so she comes to me with information, a question, etc, and then it drags on into complaints about something. It's the same thing every day. For the most part we get along great and work well together, it's just the complaints I can't stand. Blah. DH has been a bit of a downer at home lately, so maybe hearing the same constant negativity at work it getting to me more than it would otherwise.

Dealing with a negative coworker

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