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November 2013 Moms
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Annoyed with friend

MytarasMytaras member
in November 2013 Moms
Hello ladies. So my next door Neighbour and friend has moved a few blocks away. They were renting before and now have bought a home. Her DH tells my DH the house they bought was way beyond their means and they had to go to a private lender to get the mortgage. I was really happy for them because they seem so happy, however...

She is bragging assesively about everything! Her house is 400 square feet larger than mine and he keeps saying, maybe some day you can have this too. She texts me all the time saying, jealous yet? She goes on and on about how much her house was and how successful we husband is and putting me down and pitying me. She doesn't know her husband has told mine it was a struggle getting the house.

Well the last straw, I've helped her move as much as I could with small stuff and DH helped 3 days hugely even driving the truck. I took photos of her new home as I'm a photographer before anything was in it at her request. And I've been there everyday helping organize. She says this to me yesterday when I was organizing her office, you know, our other neighbour got me a gift card to home sense as a welcome home present.
I'm a little shocked you haven't gotten me anything yet! I'm sure by the end of the week ill of gotten my gift from you guys! Wtf. I think I'm done with her. Too draining while I'm hormonal. Or maybe I'm being a jerk. It didn't even cross my mind to get her something especially all my time has been invested there and watching her kids while they pick stuff up for their home. My mistake. Opinions please.
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Re: Annoyed with friend

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  • MytarasMytaras member
    imagestlucia_wife:
    Nope!!I would of lost it! nbsp;I think I would of said, "since a gift is so important; I'll turn in my and DH hours you owe us for helping you move. Oh, and mileage." nbsp;Personally I would stop helping her and start pushing myself away from such a toxic person. nbsp;nbsp;


    Thanks, that makes me feel so much better. I like to take a step back now to find out if I'm being over sensitive. But she's gone too far. I'm going to do/say just that!
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  • whatididntknowhatididntkno member
    imagestlucia_wife:

    Nope!!

    I would of lost it!  I think I would of said, "since a gift is so important; I'll turn in my and DH hours you owe us for helping you move. Oh, and mileage."  

    Personally I would stop helping her and start pushing myself away from such a toxic person.   

     This exactly.

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  • MytarasMytaras member
    imageSmilz4782:
    Give her a card with a paper certificate saying welcome home! You can have x hours of my photography time and x hours of my help time! Punch the card with a hole punch so it's been "used".
    Or something that says you've given get the gift of your time, the most valuable of all gifts.

    Then distance yourself.

    I'm also a fan of telling her straight up, no, I'm not jealous, I know the circumstances surrounding your purchase, I'm happy you're in a home you love, but I'm not at all jealous to be struggling to pay my mortgage.


    Love this. Thank you!
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  • cagoldicagoldi member

    She is obviously really insecure and her comments to you are so rude and obnoxious.

    Not sure how you want to handle it. I usually just tell someone right on the spot if they do something I don't like. But it sounds like you don't want to continue the friendship, so just end contact with her. 

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  • Chelli78Chelli78 member
    OMG she sounds ridiculous. Please be done with that craziness!!!!
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  • littlebean1littlebean1 member
    WOW, i have no words for this woman.  what is wrong with her???  She should be buying you and your hubby a gift for all the FREE help that you both have given her.  Toss her, she is not worth your time or stress anymore. Friends dont treat eachother like that!

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  • carastar29carastar29 member

    i am enraged just reading about this so-called friend. i had a very similar toxic "friend" in my life for about 10 years. she was constantly putting me down and highlighting how much better her life was, and asking me to do more and more for her. after throwing her a wedding shower i decided that was it and i was DONE. i simply stopped responding to her attempts to contact me and basically cut her out of my life. it's been two years now and my life is much more drama free and less stressful.

     i would HIGHLY recommend that you avoid this person as much as possible. be polite if you run into her, but don't make any effort to get together, help her, or respond to her texts, etc. you don't need that kind of negativity, especially while pregnant.

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  • JaysonandKristinJaysonandKristin member
    imagestlucia_wife:
    imageSmilz4782:
    Give her a card with a paper certificate saying welcome home! You can have x hours of my photography time and x hours of my help time! Punch the card with a hole punch so it's been "used".


    I love this! Putting that in the file!


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  • rbtrumpetrbtrumpet member

    But without your gift, how are they going to afford the house that's outside their price range?!?!

     

    Yeah - I would just walk away.  Or say something like "oh, we only do gifts for the first house someone buys" or the time card thing suggested above.

    Bottles of wine always do well too - I'd go for the $5 variety...

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  • ladybugpeachesladybugpeaches member
    I think this wouldn't have gotten so far if it'd been me.  I tend to be particularly outspoken about things like this.  One, she should appreciate the fact that you and your husband have volunteered to help move and care for her kids while they are out.  Two, I would have said something similar to what a PP said in regards to the jealousy issue.  I'd say to here that there's no way I'd be jealous of a struggle.  And lastly, when she mentioned that she was "shocked" that you hadn't gotten her a gift yet, I'd say that I was shocked she hasn't been more appreciative of all the free help you've given her thus far!  smh  Some people these days!  I'd much rather receive help moving and caring for children than someone buying me a gift.  Time is more valuable than any dollar amount one can spend on a gift.  It sounds like you are a caring individual being taken advantage of.  Get out of that "friendshp" immediately!
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  • MytarasMytaras member
    imageSmilz4782:
    imagerbtrumpet:
    But without your gift, how are they going to afford the house that's outside their price range?!?!
    nbsp;
    Yeah I would just walk away.nbsp; Or say something like "oh, we only do gifts for the first house someone buys" or the time card thing suggested above.
    Bottles of wine always do well too I'd go for the 5 variety...


    Excellent! Two buck Chuck from trader Joe's to "sweeten" the deal...teehee


    Lmao perfect!

    Some great advice though from everyone. I definitely think you're right and it's time to cut the friendship as it is too much unneeded drama right now. At least I know I'm justified for feeling this annoyed!! Sucks because our DH are such great friends. They can continue their friendship though and I'll pull back. Thank you!!
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  • MytarasMytaras member
    imageladybugpeaches:
    I think this wouldn't have gotten so far if it'd been me. nbsp;I tend to be particularly outspoken about things like this. nbsp;One, she should appreciate the fact that you and your husband have volunteered to help move and care for her kids while they are out. nbsp;Two, I would have said something similar to what a PP said in regards to the jealousy issue. nbsp;I'd say to here that there's no way I'd be jealous of a struggle. nbsp;And lastly, when she mentioned that she was "shocked" that you hadn't gotten her a gift yet, I'd say that I was shocked she hasn't been more appreciative of all the free help you've given her thus far! nbsp;smh nbsp;Some people these days! nbsp;I'd much rather receive help moving and caring for children than someone buying me a gift. nbsp;Time is more valuable than any dollar amount one can spend on a gift. nbsp;It sounds like you are a caring individual being taken advantage of. nbsp;Get out of that "friendshp" immediately!


    You're right. Thank you!
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  • dobrydneydobrydney member
    She sounds like a crazy person you don't need in your life, ever, but especially not right now.  I would probably just be straight up with her, after I calmed my hormonal self down a bit and let her know that you're not jealous, you know the issues surrounding the purchase, and that you think your time and photography skills have been gift enough.
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  • AshleyF1234AshleyF1234 member

    Wow... She reeks of insecurity.

     If you do decide to get her something, I would donate a few bucks to a local charity in her name. You know... since she already has everything. 

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  • Jmo30Jmo30 member
    Oh hell to the NO she didn't. After all that help and you're pregnant? WTF? Seriously, you need to put her back in her place. All the previous suggestions are good but I wouldn't even bother with this woman anymore. Who expects gifts? Especially after you've been helping her? Just ridiculous. 
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  • bglovesbabykbglovesbabyk member
    This is why I would rather hang out with my dogs than people. Avoid this chick at all costs. She sounds like a waste of your time and energy.
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  • BlessedinMNBlessedinMN member
    I don't think you're overreacting at all! In fact, I think you're a saint thus far! I would distance yourself as much as possible without being too blatant since she is now a neighbor. Good luck!
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  • HerbanMomHerbanMom member
    Sounds like she needs to get off her high horse. I probably would have lost my sh!t when she asked where her gift was. Some people are just incredibly self centered.
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  • DebateThisDebateThis member
    I'd buy her a cactus and tell her it matches her personality. Tie a bow on it and be done with her.
    Six years of infertility and loss, four IUIs, one IVF and one very awesome little boy born via med-free birth 10.24.13.
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  • MytarasMytaras member
    You're all right. I can't be a doormat anymore. I'll stick up to her and end the friendship. It has been ridiculous. Thank you
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  • michroccmichrocc member

    Yeah, she sounds hideously insecure to me, as well as lacking in any tact or grace. I'd send a card along with the images you've taken of her house and a note about how you're excited about her move.  Leave it at that.

    And then distance yourself far the hell away from her.   

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  • RharoldRharold member
    Dump her. She's a nightmare.
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  • MomtothreeloveMomtothreelove member
    She sounds like she's toxic and you don't need that in your life! Let her fade away in her house she can't afford!
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  • MytarasMytaras member
    imageAshleyF1234:
    Wow... She reeks of insecurity.nbsp;If you do decide to get her something, I would donate a few bucks to a local charity in her name. You know... since she already has everything.nbsp;


    That is a great idea!!!
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  • 1sloqwen1sloqwen member
    Really a friend ? She sounds completely ungrateful and self serving. That gift comment would set me off and probably sever our friendship. What is wrong with ppls lack of manners and etiquette? I had a friend, now ex friend, say i hurt her feelings cause she wasn't picked as a bridesmaid. First off she wasn't that close of a friend and second we were only having 3 bridesmaids and groomsmen. I shouldn't have had to defend my choice but I was civil and sat down with her to at least explain my decision. Things were ackward after that but at least i was honest and told her how I felt. I guess some ppl have preconceived notions that they deserve everything.
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  • Mailmans Baby MommaMailmans Baby Momma member
    It sounds like this is her way of coping and not actually dealing with what's going on in her life.

    If you really consider her a friend, lay it all out there for her. However I wouldn't mention knowing her financial situation because that's a broken confidence between you and your husband. Just talk to her about how she's making you feel.

    If this her normal behavior, ditch her. Who needs all that condescending negativity anyways!?
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