BM vent

blondii428 · July 2013

My SD came to live with us after her mother decided to move an hour away to be with a scumbag that is 15 years older, an ex-felon and has hit her multiple times. She originally brought SD with her, but after multiple incidents ending with police visits, DH stepped in and told her that she will start living with us. My DH got an attorney who drew up a parenting agreement that has been notarized and filed with the court stating that BM will be allowed to have her every other weekend. This was supposed to be her second weekend with her, but she texted DH yesterday that she won't be able to get her because she is in the hospital for "bleeding stuff." Turns out she believes she is having a miscarriage. She also had a miscarriage around the time that I found out I was pregnant which was in January.

While I feel absolutely terrible for what she is going through, I cannot figure out why she keeps trying to get pregnant with this man given his violent history and her inability to take care of the daughter she already has! She voluntarily quit her job and has begged DH not to file for child support. She can't even buy her clothes or a toothbrush when she stays with her so we have to pack a bag for her with all of the items that she will need.

I'm trying not to judge her because maybe these have been surprise pregnancies, not intentional. But I am just so frustrated and sickened by the whole situation!

blondii428 · July 2013

JNL$LSM:
blondii428:
I'm trying not to judge her because maybe these have been surprise pregnancies, not intentional. But I am just so frustrated and sickened by the whole situation!
I am not trying to be mean, but we are all adults and know what it takes to get pregnant, I can see one "surprise" but she has a daughter and two more pregnancies. Therefore she knows what it takes to get pregnant and how to prevent them.
I said the same thing to my sister, oops I am pregnant, um you have 5 kids their is now ooops you know what it takes to get pregnant. I am not saying I do not feel bad because having a miscarriage hard and no one should ever ever have to go through one, but to say "surprise." I hate that sorry.

That's exactly what I was thinking. I'm trying to be fair, but really???!

MrsHetzel · July 2013

If DH gave her child support when she had custody, she should pay child support now that he has custody. It grinds my gears that this double standard exists so often. Just my two cents.

+just+j+ · July 2013

If I were your DH, I'd tell BM if she leaves her boyfriend, he won't file. If she stays...he files.

And I agree with the PP's. SHe's a flippin' adult. I don't feel sorry for her when she is blatantly choosing abuse and bringing a child into that. She's either an idiot for not getting on birth control or a selfish idiot for brining a child into an abusive relationship.

whse13kittens · July 2013

Having been in an abusive relationship, maybe the pregnancies are not her choice. You can't force someone to wear a condom, especially when they're holding you down by your throat and choking you. And you did say she doesn't have enough money to buy her child a toothbrush for when the child is supposed to be with her if the boyfriend is controlling all the money it's likely he is refusing to pay for birth control as well.

I'm not saying she should remain in the relationship, or that you shouldn't feel irritated or upset, especially for your stepkid. But I am saying from experience, one of the hardest things I ever did was leave my abuser. And one of the biggest prayers I had answered was that no children were created from that relationship. But the possibility was there oh, was it there.

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