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PT Frustration--How to Deal

ReeB83ReeB83 member
in Toddlers: 24 Months+

So DS has been PT-ing for like a year. It's hopeless. He'll pee, but only when you tell him to. He won't poop. Ever. I put him on the potty last night to poop and he cried so hard he threw up. 10 minutes in a pull up and voila! He's almost 4. This is getting old.

I just keep telling myself "keep trying! He'll get it when he gets it!" Somewhere around dinner when I've changed the third pull-up after handwashing all his Batman underwear or mopping the floor AGAIN, I am PISSED. More at myself. If I just put him on the potty earlier or later or all day.... I find myself screaming, admittedly sometimes at him ("BIG BOYS GO POTTY! NO FRUIT SNACKS FOR YOU!") But mostly at the mess itself, I even cry sometimes. He's usually in his room crying and saying over and over again "I'm so so sorry mommy", 

I think I'm freaking him out. And it kills me to hear him so sad over something he doesn't understand.

What can I do to get over this guilty-anger-frustration thing I've got going on here?

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Re: PT Frustration--How to Deal

  • XCrissCrossXXCrissCrossX member
    Sounds like you're pushing it and need to give it up for the sanity of both of you. I'd put him in pull-ups/ diapers for the next couple of weeks, only take him when he asks...and give yourselves a break. Then, try again. I bet if you lay off and let him relax in diapers, he'll start to ask to use the potty (but don't make that your expectation! Actually relax)
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  • mamantrainingmamantraining member
    Try not using pull ups with him. I think if you remove the option of him peeing and pooping in the pull up he may decide to use the potty.

    Also, maybe it's time for him to help clean up the mess if he is continuously urinating on the floor.

    But I agree, take a deep breath and relax a little. He will get it. It sounds like there's too much pressure for you both.
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  • BabyC925BabyC925 member

    imageXcrisscrossX:
    Sounds like you're pushing it and need to give it up for the sanity of both of you. I'd put him in pull-ups/ diapers for the next couple of weeks, only take him when he asks...and give yourselves a break. Then, try again. I bet if you lay off and let him relax in diapers, he'll start to ask to use the potty (but don't make that your expectation! Actually relax)

     

    totally agree. I wouldn't make it a big deal or he may shy away from it completely. I was like this with my son going #2 and i just had to back off and let him go in a pull up b/c he was holding it and was MISERABLE and i too was losing patience and getting upset....they totally sense that from us. Give it some time and hopefully itll work itself out. It is completely frustrating but hang in there!! 

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  • TiffanyBerryTiffanyBerry member

    Stop potty training.  Just stop.  Stick with diapers.  (Pull-ups are really diapers.)  And just take a break - a complete break from even mentioning it to him - for at least a month.  You're probably freaking him out!  Heck, I'm stressed out just reading your post and I'm not the one you're trying to potty train.

    (Honestly, if it were me - and I've done this in somewhat similar situations - I would also apologize to him for getting very angry and then not managing your anger well.  If you don't want him to yell at you, you shouldn't yell at him.  For me, it's nothing more than "I'm sorry that I got so upset at X, and I didn't handle it well.  While I want you to work at not-X, I will try to do better next time about handling my emotions well.") 

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  • honeybee111honeybee111 member

    I agree with pp that you should put him back in diapers/pull ups and put a hold on potty training for a little bit.  At this point, it sounds like it's become super frustrating for both of you, and a stop and reset period might make it a better experience.  When I first started potty training DD, she got really frustrated and upset, so I stopped with the intention of trying again in a few months.  One day, I came home from work and our nanny informed me she had been in underwear all day - no accidents.  She just decided she was ready.

    Also, I know the messes are frustrating, but even if you want to scream, try to put on a calm face/response for your son even if you have to step away and take a couple of deep breaths before you deal with it.  He's probably feeding off your emotions, too. 

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  • AZ123AZ123 member

    You have to be more patient with him and turn this into something fun and positive. I didn't even really give rewards with DS1. We just did the happy potty dance. it was very relaxed.  however, when he got to age 3.5 and he knew what he was doing by going in his underwear or whatever, we started making him clean it up himself. He has to dump the underwear in the toilet, rinse the underwear and put it in the laundry. he did this about 3 times and then stopped pooping in the underwear. He also had to clean up the pee when he missed the bowl.

    I personally think pull ups can hinder potty training. So, take a week off and then go cold turkey on the pull ups and diapers during the day.

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  • BlondangelBlondangel member
    imageTiffanyBerry:

    Stop potty training.  Just stop.  Stick with diapers.  (Pull-ups are really diapers.)  And just take a break - a complete break from even mentioning it to him - for at least a month.  You're probably freaking him out!  Heck, I'm stressed out just reading your post and I'm not the one you're trying to potty train.

    (Honestly, if it were me - and I've done this in somewhat similar situations - I would also apologize to him for getting very angry and then not managing your anger well.  If you don't want him to yell at you, you shouldn't yell at him.  For me, it's nothing more than "I'm sorry that I got so upset at X, and I didn't handle it well.  While I want you to work at not-X, I will try to do better next time about handling my emotions well.") 

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  • jlpevjlpev member
    imagehoneybee111:
    I agree with pp that you should put him back in diapers/pull ups and put a hold on potty training for a little bit. nbsp;At this point, it sounds like it's become super frustrating for both of you, and a stop and reset period might make it a better experience. nbsp;When I first
    started potty training DD, she got really frustrated and upset, so I stopped with the intention of trying again in a few months. nbsp;One day, I came home from work and our nanny informed me she had been in underwear all day no accidents. nbsp;She just decided she was ready.Also, I know the messes are frustrating, but even if you want to scream, try to put on a calm face/response for your son even if you have to step away and take a couple of deep breaths before you deal with it. nbsp;He's probably feeding off your emotions, too.nbsp;


    This! Good luck!!
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