EDD dilemma (ticker warning, pg mentioned)

angelsnight · July 2013

Ticker warning

Sorry, this is long.

I know I've already asked for advice about taking off my EDD, but now there is a new twist to the issue. When I came back from my six weeks off, it was very hard for me to work full 40 hour weeks, so in the first month I ended up calling off 3.5 days. Come to find out, despite my profile telling me I had those vacation days available, nobody told me when I came back from leave that my total wasn't accurate and I took vacation days I didn't really have.

My boss wasn't upset since it wasn't my fault, but I wasn't given the days back and had to just be in the hole for a month and a half to make up the time. A few weeks later, I wasn't feeling well and called off, so I had to take it unpaid. This was my first ever unpaid day in my 8 years with the company.

My boss already knew that I wanted to take my EDD off (the 26th of this month) and it was fine since this month I was finally able to accrue enough time for it. Well, I regrettably called off one day last week for a migraine, I got confused and thought I had enough time to call in, plus take my EDD off. I did not, so now if I take my EDD off it will be a second unapaid day.

I don't like taking unpaid, but I feel having that day to myself is worth it....I've already noticed how extra sensitive I am to things going on around me, more on edge and angry as I approach the day. Plus I think MH will be off too and we can go to the cemetery and just spend the day remembering Kayla.

Well my boss informed me the other day that unpaid days are technically against company policy. He said he can't tell me it's ok to take it, but as long as it doesn't continue it likely won't be an issue. He also stressed that he would like to see me bank as many hours as I can since I will need time off for upcoming OB appointments.

So now I don't know what to do. I kind of get the feeling with my days off once I came back, the two unpaid plus my upcoming time off for this new pregnancy, that my grace period with my boss's sympathy has come to an end. Don't get me wrong, he is a good boss and I know he is trying to work with me, but I am afraid he'll think I am taking advanatge or milking the situation.

I kind of feel like I need to just worry about myself and take that day off...the damage is already done, it won't be taking away from my allotted vacation days since it will be unpaid and lately my work load has been pretty light so the lady covering me shouldn't have a ton to do. Plus, it sounded like maybe he was saying I can't tell you to take it off and I'm obligated to tell you it's against company policy, but as long as it doesn't continue (which it won't) it won't be a problem. And there is a chance my first u/s will be that day so it's kind of even more reason to take it off so I don't have to schedule it around work. But I'm always so paranoid that I am not being a good enough employee and I don't want to look like a slacker. WWYD?

Mjmksb04 · July 2013

Do what you feel is right. I know that i am much further out from my losses than you are, but I always find that the anticipation of the milestone dates are far worse than the actual date. I would be concerned about taking another day off unpaid and then having a sickness or doctor appointment or something else that comes up to where you need a day off. If it were me, I would probably work that day and then take a weekend day or another day to myself for that purpose, but again, everyone handles it different and I am further out than you are. Left Hug

What does your H think?

bunnybun4 · July 2013

I was also pregnant on my EDD and had an US scheduled that morning...I found the day to be really bittersweet...I did end up taking the day off but I think I probably could have worked a half day if I had wanted to.

Personally for me, I was really upset when I woke up that morning. I cried the entire time getting ready for my US...I missed my daughter and was just really upset. After my US I was in a much better place and was in a place to celebrate her life and remember her. I went out and bought balloons to release for her and then went shopping with my sister. (I could have gone back to work if I had needed to at this point).

Later on in the afternoon, I finally wrote Bunny a letter...something I had been meaning to do for months. That was really emotional and hard...when DH got home we released a balloon for her and a balloon for the new baby. It was really cathartic and also very happy but sad. Afterwards we went out to celebrate with dinner.

You prob. aren't going to "know" how you are going to feel until the day gets here...could you leave it open ended with your boss that you may or may not come in...and you also may just come in for a few hours? I guess everyone is different but if I had had to be at work I think I could have handled it that afternoon...but then again it is such an emotional day and I felt like I "deserved" a day off for it.

anyway...GL making your decision...i think most people on here say that the day isn't as bad as the anticipation leading up to it. ((HUGS))

shandorfml2 · July 2013

I would take the day off hun. You can make it up later and it's an important day for healing. Sounds like he is a good boss, and you a good employee. I'd just take the day and start fresh after.

meli1025 · July 2013

I would take the day off. And although it does sound like you have a good boss I would follow up with HR to find out what exactly the policy says. If your company offers time off under FMLA, then unpaid time off is not a violation of company policy because technically you are protected by FMLA. If you filed a claim under FMLA for your six weeks off then any unpaid days after that would be an extension of that FMLA time. Not sure what state you're in, if you're in the states?

Regardless though, I would give yourself the day off and try your best to stop worrying. I know, easier said than done. You're doing the best you can though given the circumstances of your life and you've been through enough. In the grand scheme of things it's just a job. Give yourself the day.

Lastly, it is slightly bothering me that your boss is stressing you about banking hours and making you worry about all of this. You didn't remain at your company for 8 years by accident...sounds like you're a good, hard worker. Be easy on yourself. I wish he was being a little easier on you. ((hugs))

JessicaG220 · July 2013

Ugh. Work is such a pain!!! Life would be so much simpler without having to plan our lives around it. I hate vacation time and the lack thereof. It is so complicated having to coordinate and schedule appointments. And no matter how much time I have, I feel guilty about leaving early. I hope it all works out for you, and I hope your EDD isn't too terrible! DH and I spent the day together. We went to the cemetery, lunch, and a movie. It was nice to spend time together. Hugs!

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