How long can I reasonably go w/o a CO?

jpearce327 · July 2013

Hi ladies,

I mostly lurk, so I will do a quick back story. DS is 3, and his father and I were young when we had him. Since his father was under 18 and we were still together at the time, we never got a CO. We were still together off and on for awhile, so we just worked it out how we saw fit. He started paying child support (ordered by the state, since I was receiving state benefits) almost a year ago (Aug 2012), but still no CO for custody.

Now, he has quit his job, and is wanting to stop child support, but still isn't fighting for a CO. I'm getting married this month, and he lives with us 28-29 days a month, so he will be starting preschool here in the fall.

At what point do we NEED a CO?

Do I just wait until he starts rockin the boat or asks for one?

He's so young, that we have always thought he would just drift away and never want anything to do with him again, and he wasn't asking for any custody orders for that reason.

hterry85 · July 2013

If the CS is ordered by the state he doesn't get to just stop paying. Now if he LOST his job they may reduce it, but otherwise they'll just tell him too bad.

fellesferie · July 2013

You need a CO now. Think of it as protection for all parties.

What if he drifts away, and then turns up in 5 years wanting to take the kiddo for Christmas? What if he drifts away to another state and calls you in 6 months wanting to see DS for a long weekend? What if he drifts away and doesn't pay CS? What if he doesn't drift away and starts wanting to spend more time with your DS? What if you want to move out of state one day?

Get a CO. Protect yourself and your child. It's not your job to worry about your ex protecting himself, but you should probably mention that having a CO is in his best interest, too.

Sunday924 · July 2013

I would get one now. I got a CO when my DD was 2. BF has never met DD but we have a CO so he can't just show up one day and decide to be apart of her life.

Ginlyn0 · July 2013

Get one now. I filed for one with DD when she was 3 mths old and we didn't get an actual CO until the month she turned 1. Her BD and I were off and on until she was 5. A CO is meant to protect all the parties. In my state, any parent that has the child in their possession can keep the child for however long they want without a CO. That is the exact reason I got one. I didn't want DD going for a visit and him not returning her so I filed to make sure I felt comfortable with him taking her on visits because of his mother. His mother was upset that I was keeping the baby but yet once she was born wanted to take her from me. BD was 18 when I filed but still in hs.

MrsHetzel · July 2013

You needed a court order yesterday. It protects everyone involved.

twister22 · July 2013

What state are you in? There are some states that the mother is presumed to have custody unless you have a CO stating otherwise. The majority of the states presume parents have equal custody without a CO though, so PPs are right that whichever parent has the child can keep him/her as long as they want.