Curious would you be annoyed?

JBDamonM · July 2013

So yesterday was my wedding anniversary and DH and I had my mom and stepdad babysit so we could go to dinner.

We were gone 2.5 hours and came home to find my sister also here. Apparently LO wouldn't stop crying so they called my sister for reinforcements.

My baby's not typically a crier but most definetly will have the occasional UGLY meltdown and I know they are TOUGH but I'm a smidge annoyed that they didn't reach out to us. There are a few things we could've suggested, an certainly wouldn't have taken our sweet time having an extra drink if we knew DD was home freaking out.

Of course they said they didn't want to bother us, which is a nice gesture, but my sister lives right next to the restaurant we were at, it took her just as long to get over there as it would've taken us to get home.

While I know there hearts were in the right place I feel a little undermined that my mom called my sister about my daughter rather than me.

When we got home clearly taken back by everything my mom starts crying....and now my sister is telling me how rude it was that I seemed mad and how I did damage with my mom. Seriously?
I am a little mad though we left her for 2.5 hours, at least 45 min of which she was asleep. I feel AWFUL that she was so tough but babies cry! My mom had 3 with colic, I don't know why she was so panicked.
Clearly she won't be on the sitter list for a few months, until DD gets a little older and more independent.

I am curious though, as fellow mothers would you be annoyed?

I feel like I can't catch a break lately. Toooo much drama!

Dragonfly1226 · July 2013

I am sorry if this isn't what you want to hear but... No. I wouldn't be annoyed at all. It was your anniversary and they were trying to let you and your dh have a nice dinner without having to worry about what was going on at home. It is common for babies to cry more when they are left with someone other than mom or dad. I would be sad to know that LO had a tough night, but I would not be mad that my parents called a sibling to help. I'm wondering if you were just upset knowing that LO was upset and took it out on your parents. I'm glad you had a nice anniversary dinner. We don't live near family, and with the girls being so young we won't get to go out to celebrate our anniversary in a couple of weeks.

oooCarrieB · July 2013

Dragonfly1226:
I am sorry if this isn't what you want to hear but... No. I wouldn't be annoyed at all. It was your anniversary and they were trying to let you and your dh have a nice dinner without having to worry about what was going on at home. It is common for babies to cry more when they are left with someone other than mom or dad. I would be sad to know that LO had a tough night, but I would not be mad that my parents called a sibling to help. I'm wondering if you were just upset knowing that LO was upset and took it out on your parents. I'm glad you had a nice anniversary dinner.

This. I'm mobile bumping so i can't tell how little your baby is, but maybe you are just not comfortable leaving her yet.

mcgeeva · July 2013

I wouldn't be annoyed only because they probably were thinking that you guys get so little time together the last thing they want to do is bother you on you date night. Although you would of had things they could of done to ease her crying they at the end of the day wanted you guys to enjoy yourselves. But now that they know how you feel I am sure they will reach out to you first if there is a next time. No one wants their little ones to cry so I am sure that broke your mothers heart hence why she cried. Two you said it..she had 3 herself..it has been a while and maybe she is a little rusty. I know my son has had a few nights where my husband and I had to just rock him for an hour while he cried and we couldn't settle him down. It wasn't often but it happens. Honestly the only thing I would be thinking is..darn that really sucks..the one meltdown was the entire time they had her

TJ1979 · July 2013

Okay. So I totally agree with dragonfly that you shouldn't be annoyed. But... I know that my emotional side would be. Logically, I get it. They were trying to make sure you had a special night out without worrying about LO. But emotionally, I know my baby best, I can tell you how to calm her, and I would want to know she was having a rough time.
That being said, once I relaxed some, I would call my mom and apologize and explain how I felt. Happy anniversary, I hope you had a nice dinner at least.

JBDamonM · July 2013

Dragonfly1226:
I am sorry if this isn't what you want to hear but... No. I wouldn't be annoyed at all. It was your anniversary and they were trying to let you and your dh have a nice dinner without having to worry about what was going on at home. It is common for babies to cry more when they are left with someone other than mom or dad. I would be sad to know that LO had a tough night, but I would not be mad that my parents called a sibling to help. I'm wondering if you were just upset knowing that LO was upset and took it out on your parents. I'm glad you had a nice anniversary dinner. We don't live near family, and with the girls being so young we won't get to go out to celebrate our anniversary in a couple of weeks.

No need to be sorry!

Jbromberg1985 · July 2013

I could go either way with this. I love my mom and she's so amazing that I trust her judgment. I'd be a little bothered if she didn't call me if there was a problem when watching my girls, but at the same time, as a new mom, you only get so much alone time and if I were out celebrating my anniversary and she had an option to not bother us and let us enjoy one of our few nights out, I think I'd appreciate her consideration also.

I understand where you're coming from, but maybe cut her a little slack. She just did what she thought was best at the time, and if that's not what you would've preferred, then just talk to her and let her know for next time that you'd rather be bothered while out as opposed to having her call someone else.

itsmevkb · July 2013

I think everyone else responded about the same way I would have. I probably wouldn't have been annoyed but would stress that calling me isn't a big deal.

But, I wanted to add that you pointed out that your mom dealt with 3 with colic. In my experience with my mom and my MIL, although they have raised children, they tend to not be as comfortable with their grandchildren. They are decades away from having been with babies and I think there's a certain amount of amnesia there where everything that has happened in between means they honestly don't remember or still feel comfortable trying to comfort a screaming baby. The playing with them is the easy part! I know this was your mother, but I've found that especially in the case of my MIL she's nervous not just about doing something wrong but that I'll think she did something wrong and get mad (despite me being probably one of the most laid back moms out there.)

laura1 · July 2013

Nope, definitely wouldn't be annoyed. All of my kids have cried when I left - and I have had both experiences. As MrsLee said, I am more upset when they do call me. Then I can't enjoy myself, or if I am at work, I can't concentrate on what I am doing because I am thinking about my crying baby. For me it is better not to know. As for calling my sister - I would have applauded my parent's resourcefulness Wink Really, my sister has 2 kids of her own and is often very much help, even when I call her.

And babies cry. My #3 would have MAJOR meltdowns when I left - she would cry for up to 2 hours for our babysitter. I told her all the things to try, but sometimes they don't work when I am not doing them. She is now the happiest little thing, I don't think the crying has damaged her in any way. Although she did make my parents nervous about babysitting anymore - that stressed me out more! I need their help!

Sorry things didn't work out as you planned - but I wouldn't stress out over it. I hope you enjoyed your dinner!

pinkmickey24 · July 2013

No I wouldn't be annoyed. Your mom most likely was thinking of you and your husband and the fact that you most likely don't get a night out without baby very often. Your mom called for help because DD was upset and she was probably upset herself that she couldn't get her to stop crying and that is why she called your sister. I wouldn't get annoyed with my mom for that because she recognized the need for help and called someone who cares and loves my babies. I would have gotten annoyed if she called a friend of hers that I did not know to come over.

pb_bride · July 2013

I totally see where you're coming from, and I think I would be upset as well if I were you.

HOWEVER, if looking at this objectively from a "stranger" point of view, I can totally understand why your mom did what she did too. She wanted you and YH to have a good time on your anniv, and didn't want to bother you, esp since this is such a special outing. I think she was at a loss and so called your sis for help. I honestly think the 2 of them had the best intentions.

Hope you feel better today and less emotional about all this. Once you feel more calm and not angry about this, I'd suggest you make peace with your mom. You can let her know why you were upset last night; I think just talking about it out loud (when you're not mad) with your mom can help iron things out and pave a better relationship in the future. GL!

JBDamonM · July 2013

THanks for the insight everyone. I spent about a half hour on the phone with my mother this morning. Hopefully we can move on and make things better next time.

marsht · July 2013

I understand your frustration. I would be annoyed at the situation but not the people involved; It sounds like they were really trying to do what they thought was best. In the future maybe you can let them know it is ok to call if a situation like this arises?

IBackBevo · July 2013

No, I would not be annoyed. I don't think your Mom called your sister because she thought she would better know what to do--I just suspect that it was because she probably didn't want to bother you. Otherwise, I don't have anything to add that has not already been said so I will just leave it at that. I'm sorry your LO did not like it when you left. Hopefully, it will go better next time.

Want a personalized experience?

Curious would you be annoyed?

Re: Curious would you be annoyed?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards