Redo: When is a m/c technically over?
I created a post earlier today about my confusion over symptoms and bodily issues since I experienced a miscarriage that seemed to offend a lot of the members on this site. To those of you I offended, I am truly sorry, as it was not my intent. Considering that my post topic was not uncommon to this message board, I am going to try to explain my situation and ask my question in a different way.
Just under 4 weeks ago I miscarried at just under 7 weeks. The baby hadn't grown since 5. I had a natural miscarriage, so there was no DnC involved, and my doctor told me it was passing just fine. I stopped experiencing many of the pregnancy symptoms I had been having a few days before it happened, so when I started bleeding that morning I think I knew before they told me. The bleeding was on and off (5 days on, 3 days off, 2 days on again, and nothing since).
This past pregnancy that ended in miscarriage was our first, and seemed to have happened against the odds - I was on birth control, and due to a decade of health issues was told there was a very high chance we would not be able to conceive even if/when we decide to try. A few days ago I started having some symptoms that I had experienced during pregnancy, but it definitely doesn't feel the same. I have read some things that talk about residual symptoms after m/c but don't go into detail regarding what those could be or how long they're supposed to last. I am so confused right now, and trying to keep my husband from getting his hopes up when I know that it isn't so. Considering how long we would have to wait before I can definitely show him with a test, I was hoping to get some insight. My doctor told me to expect my period 4-6 weeks after the m/c, but research has also given me mixed answers on whether that counter starts at the beginning of m/c or end of bleeding. I could not be more lost right now.
I guess my questions are: has anyone experienced residual symptoms after m/c and how long did they go one for? At what point is it worrisome to still be having them? When should I begin counting the 4-6 week window to expect my period, from the beginning of m/c or from the end of bleeding? Since my bleeding was on and off for over a week and a half, it's a big enough difference to drive a girl who's used to the regularity of birth control crazy.
Re: Redo: When is a m/c technically over?
I still have no idea what acronyms like BFP mean, but I haven't gotten a positive on any tests yet if that is what it means. There are 3 reasons I simply redid my post, per mattsgirl2004's suggestion rather than posting on a different board.
1. I am the third person to post asking questions about likelihood of pregnancy after m/c on this particular board in the past 3 weeks. The other 2 received support and answers. One of them posted within 12 hours before my original post and received support from one of the people who got angry about my post. That alone made me think it was the wording that was making it so offensive.
2. My question had less to do with likelihood of being pregnant and much more to do with when I should start counting for when to expect my period and at what point it is peculiar for me to be experiencing certain things in this process. My new post even says that I do NOT believe that I'm pregnant considering the circumstances and the only reason the thought of it is even brought up is because my husband wants to think I am immediately, while I want more to stay grounded and do my research to understand where in the process of m/c or post-m/c I am. I knew very early on that I was pregnant last time, and I do not feel that way now. I do not understand why the posts focused solely on the possibility that they are pregnant immediately on this board are met with understanding and info and mine, which focuses more on asking questions to understand what is normal and what isn't so that I don't let my husband's wishing get my hopes up is met with insult and anger.
3. A very close friend of mine had a similar experience after her miscarriage. It turned out hers had been falsely diagnosed, but we know there is no chance of that with mine. When she asked these kinds of questions, about her period and nausea, on a PGAL (I hope that's right?) board, they told her if she hadn't gotten a positive test yet she needed to come to this board.
I seriously have no idea what is up with these boards. I used the Knot when planning my wedding and loved it, but so far all I feel here is attacked. I am NOT trying to say that I think I am pregnant. I DO NOT think I'm pregnant. I don't know how many times I have to say that to stop getting yelled at for explaining the whole story. I came her for answers and support, the same that everyone else who comes here (including the people who have solely asked the question "could I already be pregnant again?") get.
I do not understand how you don't understand how your post is hard for some people to read. I'm in the very middle of a miscarriage right now and came to this board only read your post. Exactly what I was trying to avoid. Go on to another board. I'm sorry if this is mean, but REALLY?
As I recall, your original message -- which I can't look back at now since you deleted it -- started off by describing your symptoms in a way that sounded like like you were phishing for someone to tell you, "OMG, yes, I think you're pregnant!" I'm sure you can understand why it would be insensitive to look for that from this group.
If it wasn't what you intended, fair enough. But your continuing to justify and reframe things makes your apology seem not so sincere.
Also, your original post received well thought-out responses that others took the time to write to you. Deleting your post deleted their words as well, which is not cool.
ETA: wording and punctuation
I am not trying to start any drama or take sides but there is a post right below her original that is titled "pregnancy likelihood" with 7 replies and not one person said anything to that OP about going to another board. As for this OP, I would like everyone to keep in mind that she too has recently had a loss. I can only speak for myself, but up until 3 or 4 days ago my mind was so jumbled and confused that I could hardly walk and talk at the same time. It is hard to post on these boards and make sense when you have 1,000 thoughts going through your mind and all of us just want support and to feel like we belong somewhere when we feel so empty and alone!! I am truly sorry for each and every one of our losses but let's take a step- back.
OP (original poster): If you can not get any answers from your OB/GYN you can always post appropriate questions to the appropriate boards or you may also try calling your local hospitals labor and delivery department. I know that my nurses where extremely helpful and if they didn't know the answer they could point me in the right direction.
My T&P are with all of you!
I have edited the post again, and hope that it is finally what it needs to be to keep from getting the angry responses I was getting that I really and truly did not intend to give. As another commenter as also said now, there is a post shortly before mine with much more hope of an immediate pregnancy than either of mine were, and which received nothing but support and advise, which is the only reason I thought is still okay to include the fact that my husband wants to hope it's true, since we are going through this together and I am trying to help spare his already sore emotions.
I read through all of the comments that were made on my previous post at the time that I deleted it. I even made a few comments myself trying to explain that I understood I had not communicated my questions clearly, and waited an hour for response before deciding it would be best to just start clean. The only responses I saw said either simply "Take a test" or advised me that my post was hurtful. At the time I last looked at the comments before deleting the post, neither of my specific questions had been answered, which is another reason why I decided it was best to start clean and try to more clearly articulate my questions.
I am thankful that some people were able to read through my babble to provide me some helpful answers on this post, and hope that with the new changes this thread can be helpful and civil from here on. If not, I guess I give up.
Just answering your initial question...
Most doctors say that you should expect your period 4-6 weeks after your natural miscarriage or from your D&C. However, everyone is different and our bodies are all unique.
I don't remember how long it took to get my period after my first D&C. It had complications, retained tissues, etc. This time I am 5 weeks post D&C and my HCG is still very high (608 on Tuesday) so I know not to expect my period any time soon. I'm just hoping it gets down below 5 in two weeks when they re-test.
If you are concerned, you can have your doctor test your HCG and P4. HCG to make sure it is at 0 (or <5) and P4 to see if you have ovulated. This will at least give you a clue as to where you are. And, since I know you are curious, to see if you could possibly be pregnant again. I'm usually not one to advocate running to the doctor for blood tests, but when it comes to miscarriage I think it is fair to know where you are in the process.
Good luck! This whole drawn out thing is very hard.
Married 6/28/03
Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10
4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014
*~*~*~*~*
No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.
"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens
I am just jumping in here. I 100% agree w/ everything Matt's Girl has said. She has been informative, and her tone has been kind, and she has directed you appropriately. I was on the PGAL board for a very short period of time, and they are extremely kind, supportive, and very informative. They are more than willing to help w/ those who are pgal (pregnant after a loss) or even think they could be. typically yes... you should POAS (pee on a stick) before asking such questions. but asking these questions to a board of women who already KNOW they aren't pregnant can be very hurtful. Especially to those of us who 1: are recently going through a m/c, and 2: have had multiple losses, whether back to back, or multiple losses period.
We don't want to hear about the possibility of someone getting a BFP (big fat positive) so recently after having had a loss. I personally can't stand looking at pregnant women, and I cry every time I hear a new born cry or even think about holding a new born because I don't get that opportunity.
I'm sorry if your feelings have been hurt by some of the things others have said, but you also have to realize the emotions others are going through right now. If you had just experienced a loss, and IRL (in real life) someone came up to you and said, "I have been experiencing symptoms A, B, C, D, and E, do you think it could be possible I could be KU? (knocked up)" imagine the feelings you would have immediately after knowing you just lost a baby, and won't get to experience those feelings for who knows how long, if ever. The PGAL board will be less hormonal, and emotional when answering these types of questions. Especially if you approach the question exactly how you have here.
I hope you get some answers soon.
I am learking from TTCAL, but I do read the majority of posts on this board as well as I am still early in my loss.
I think that we all need to understand (all boards) that emotions are left out of the writing in these situations (writing on a thread). What you write can come across as rude, and we all need to watch what we say/write. It is true that we are all going through a tough time and that asking if I am pregnant on an MC board is uncalled for. BUT...there are ways of saying this without being just plain rude.
OP...I think you should do some research about your cycles post-MC not on a board. They can be different from your previous prior to pregnancy cycles, different by dates, symptoms, and length. I understand that it is difficult to wait for your body to "get back to normal", but no one here can give you a definitive answer. Even your doctor will say you just have to wait it out.
I hope this has not soured you on posting on the TB! Good luck.
Wow...I was actually being nice in my post back and actually expected a thank you for not biting your head off like previous posts