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Irrational BM - strategies?

jcrisingjcrising member
in Blended Families
DH and I have my SS two nights a week and every other weekend.  He is 14 and a great kid.  Our problem comes with BM, who is constantly complaining and never will pick up or drop off SS.  DH has to drive 20 minutes each way in the evenings and the following morning and on Friday nights and SUnday afternoons on our weekends with him.  Also, when SS has expenses they are supposed to share, she demands money by text without providing any receipts, and without consulting DH on whether the expense is ok.  She makes twice the salary of DH (and more than I make) yet DH pays half his take home pay in child support because he wants to take care ofhis kids and doesn't want to rock the boat.  Whenever we need a schedule change or anything, she is completely unreasonable and always blames DH for anyu issues with the schedule, demanding her schedule take priority over ours.  how do we deal with this woman???


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Re: Irrational BM - strategies?

  • HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member
    Is there a CO addressing the driving/expenses/etc?
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  • hterry85hterry85 member
    Same question as above...what does the CO say? Is he just pay a CS amount they agreed on or have one of their incomes changed quite a bit since it was set?
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  • fellesferiefellesferie member

    Nothing that you mentioned makes BM irrational. Difficult? Sure.

    Has YH informed her that he won't pay without seeing the paperwork? Is YH paying what a state calculator determines he should pay?

    Unless you have a CO that forces you to do all these things, BM is only getting away with what you let her get away with. She cannot make YH do all the driving. She cannot make him give her money with no documentation. She cannot make him pay more CS than the court orders. She can force you to prioritize her schedule over yours. She can demand/insist/rant/rave/complain all she wants, but how you handle it is on you.

    If YH is afraid of rocking the boat, you have a husband issue more than a BM issue. 

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  • MrsHetzelMrsHetzel member
    imagefellesferie:

    Unless you have a CO that forces you to do all these things, BM is only getting away with what you let her get away with.

    This.  As far as YH doing all the driving, he can fight about it but if BM isn't going to do any driving, she isn't going to do the driving.  All you can do is try to put it in the CO, but BM can fight that and the judge will decide.  As for demanding money without providing receipts, that's your husbands mistake.  Standard CO's can stipulate half of uninsured medical, or half of extra curricular activities, but when parents share legal custody, if one parent does NOT agree to that extra curricular then generally that parent is not legally responsible for paying half.  Sounds like YH is letting himself be bullied by BM.

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  • SigirSigir member
    imagefellesferie:
    Nothing that you mentioned makes BM irrational. Difficult? Sure.Has YH informed her that he won't pay without seeing the paperwork? Is YH paying what a state calculator determines he should pay?Unless you have a CO that forces you to do all these things, BM is only getting away with what you let her get away with. She cannot make YH do all the driving. She cannot make him give her money with no documentation. She cannot make him pay more CS than the court orders. She can force you to prioritize her schedule over yours. She can demand/insist/rant/rave/complain all she wants, but how you handle it is on you.If YH is afraid of rocking the boat, you have a husband issue more than a BM issue.nbsp;


    This!!!!!!
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  • dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member

    If their income changes than you should be able to go to court and adjust the child support.  My state has a child support calculator that you can plug in the numbers online and see what the support should be.  You can file the motion yourself you really don't need an atty for that. But you only want to rock the boat if you know it will significantly reduce the child support.  It needs to be at least a 20% decrease.

    I can understand your frustration with the driving thing but if I were you I would let it go.  I agree with your H that it isn't worth causing WWIII over a 20 minute drive.  But if you really want to you can get a judge to make her do half of the driving.  But court can take up to a year to get a decesion.  By the time you spend thousands of dollars, hours of your time, and loads of stress your SS will almost be old enough to drive himself.  My suggestion would be to let it go.

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