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mrshall10210
member
Nursing to Sleep
mrshall10210
member
I know that many people here are in favor of nursing to sleep. I am not opposed to it, but my main concern is how difficult it's going to be to break this habit/routine that we've gotten into. For mobile, although it's broken now: DD is almost 10 weeks old.
I realize I'm not "spoiling" her by doing this. When we were EPing and supplementing, until almost 7 weeks, she got a bottle of formula before bed. She would get drowsy while eating, of course, and fall asleep. At about 7 weeks, she began nursing full time (no pumping or supplementing) and since then, she falls asleep at the breast almost every single time she eats. She also will not fall asleep on her own, for naps or bedtime, without being nursed to sleep. If I try to put her down after nusing her to sleep for a nap, she will wake up... I have to hold her for the nap, or else break out all the tricks like swaddling, the hair dryer, etc. and struggle to keep her asleep after nursing her. After nursing at bedtime, I then have to hold her until she's really good and asleep and attempt to put her down. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I have had nights where it has taken me four hours of nurse, put down, wake, repeat to get her to stay asleep. She won't take a pacifier of any kind, and she has always had a very strong desire to suck. So I understand why she wants to nurse to sleep, and right now I am ok with that. But I would love to nurse until at least 1 year old, and I really don't want to still be nursing her to sleep *consistently* in a year (I would be ok with sometimes). I would like for her to be able to fall asleep on her own.
I have tried laying her down when she is "drowsy", but as soon as I do, she either starts crying/screaming, or laughing/staring at me like she was never tired in the first place. I am not comfortable letting her CIO, of course, and it's frustrating when she is wide awake again like I flipped a switch.
Long story short, and maybe the bigger problem, my daughter is really a terrible sleeper.
So how difficult was it for you to stop nursing to sleep? When did your LO begin to fall asleep on their own? Is there something I can do to help this process? Like I said, I don't mind it for now, but I'm afraid I'm forming a routine that is going to stick with us. Anyone's advice or experience on this topic would be greatly appreciated.
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Re: Nursing to Sleep
I don't think your daughter sounds like a terrible sleeper, she sounds like a 10 week old. Some babies are really good sleepers right off the bat, and it does suck that yours isn't. But it's totally normal for a 10-week old to need a lot of help getting to sleep. (4 hours does seem excessive to me, but hopefully that isn't every night?) I really, truly don't think you are setting yourself up for a year of nursing to sleep yet.
Sleep associations become a problem after 6+ months when they start to develop object permanence. Everything I've read says the time to break bad sleep habits is between 4-6 months. I think some people will still tell you that's too early, so you have to do what feels right for you and your family.
This is a great website with information on sleep training (side note, sleep training does NOT always equal CIO, it just means teaching good sleep habits). The author basically summarizes everything every big name sleep doctor has to say and puts it into hand sleep guides organized by age. It might be worth looking, and she has a lot of good tips for getting baby to sleep once you start trying to wean off the nursing to sleep. www.troublesometots.com
You're doing great mama - GL!
BFP #1: 10-25-11, MC: 11-1-11 @ 5w5d
BFP#2: 12-29-11, DS born September 2012
TFAS: July 2014, BFP#3: 12-29-14, EDD 9-9-15
My LO was not a good sleeper at all. We used to nurse to sleep, but eventually that became ineffective (like what you described- he'd be asleep, but then I'd put him down and he'd be up and mad/confused that he wasn't on the boob anymore). So then we nursed him to drowsy and DH would rock him to sleep... until that became ineffective because he didn't want to be held/rocked.
Honestly, we were in a pretty bad sleep nightmare. He wouldn't let us help him, we had no "tricks" to use and he was constantly overtired. I did a lot of reading, and couldn't really find anything to try that I really felt comfortable with. We ended up meeting with a sleep consultant and doing some sleep training (a modified sleep lady shuffle; it sucked and I hated it but now he can put himself to sleep and he actually naps so he is drastically more happy when awake) at 7 or so months.
My first choice would have been nursing to sleep forever, but it didn't work out like that for us.
I will be following this post - LO is 6 months and cannot fall asleep without nursing!
We nursed to sleep until LO was 6.5 months old...at that point, he was waking up many times throughout the night and only nursing would put him back to sleep. We also swaddle weaned at this point. We did sleep training, and it took about 2 days for us to see an improvement. The longest he cried was 23 minutes (on and off, not straight). It was seriously the best thing we ever did. He is now able to put himself to sleep for naps and night time, and more importantly, he puts himself back to sleep if he wakes up in the MOTN or mid nap.
Whether you're interested in doing CIO in the future or not, I highly recommend Ferber's book--he talks about sleep association and how the conditions babies fall asleep under need to be the same when they wake up, or they won't be able to put themselves back to sleep. IT really explained why nursing/rocking to sleep was negatively affecting LO's ability to sleep.
That being said, at 10 weeks I REALLY wouldn't worry about any of this...10 weeks is still sooo little, and a million things can change. Your LO might become a great sleeper, or she might stay a crappy one, or she might be a good sleeper, hit a regression and then become a crappy one! My point being, for now, I would just do whatever works. It sounds like RIGHT NOW you're finewith nursing to sleep, so I would continue with that. And re evaluate when she's a bit older.
I stopped nursing to sleep around 3 weeks... At night, once he seemed to be falling asleep on me, I'd just unlatch him and put him down. He usually woke up a bit and fussed, but he never cried for more than a couple of minutes. During the day I nursed after he woke from a nap, never before it, so he wasn't in the habit of falling asleep on me then either. I just took his sleepy ques and put him down when it was naptime.
I think it depends on what you consider CIO. For some people, any crying/fussing is going to be too hard to handle, so they go straight for their baby, but I was ok with giving him a few minutes to settle himself. We started off with no more than 2-3 minutes before going to him, but even when we went to him we wouldn't pick him up right away, but just soothe him. If he didn't settle down after 2 tries, then he got picked up. His fussing eventually got to the point of less than a minute and now on the rare occasions when it's longer I know there really is an issue with him.
We followed similar things for getting him to STTN as well and he's been doing that now since week 8 and I know if I he does wake in the night for more than a minute that there's something going on I need to handle (yay croup a couple of times).
This sounds similar to what was recommended in "The No Cry Sleep Solution "....I just finished the book and hoping it will work for us!
I began night weaning my DS a week and a half go (he's ten months old). It is going ok. I did not at all want to let him CIO. I have realized though that unless you plan to let your child dictate when they are ready to wean from nursing (and nurse not only to sleep, but MOTN nursing back to sleep), some crying is involved. I was at my breaking point. DS got worse with waking up in the night as he got older. We have not had a full night's sleep since the second trimester of my pg. My H and I were both becoming dangerously tired all the time. It was time for change.
DS cosleeps with us, so I did not want to take away the comfort of nursing and cosleeping at the same time, so For now we are just focusing on night weaning. I rock him to sleep, and for the first 4 days would rock him back to sleep when he woke up and cried because I wouldn't let him nurse. I would offer him water every time (since he won't take a bottle), to make sure he's not thirsty. After day 4 I would rock him to sleep for bedtime, and he would stay asleep when I set him down, but if he woke up before morning time (which I have decided 6 is the earliest he can wake up), he could cuddle right there in bed, I was not going to get up, hold him, and rock him back to sleep. When morning comes, we turn on lights, I sing a morning song, and I let him nurse. I want there to be no confusion between sleeptime and daytime since he can have nursing during the day but not MOTN.
I think you have to decide what works best for you and your baby. It seems like it is easier when done earlier. It ends up being a shorter process. I plan to night wean way sooner next time around.
Also I wanted to mention as well as night weaning, I am no longer letting him nurse to sleep. He's figured this out, so he doesn't fight it anymore. I nurse him until he is no longer eating, just sucking, then take him off and rock him to sleep.
FWIW, I nursed to sleep from the start and never worried it would be a problem. DS is usually an excellent sleeper (this past holiday week being an exception-- holy wacky schedules batman!) and would konk out within 5-10 minutes until he was 14 months or so. Then, as PP have already said, he's the one who decided enough was enough and would pull away, roll over so he was facing the wall, and go to sleep on his own. No problem.
My sister did extended BFing at bedtime also and then the kids decided they didn't want to do that anymore.
Short answer is, I feel nursing to sleep solves more problems than it creates.
MY JOURNEY AS A SINGLE BF-ING, CD-ING, BABYWEARING MOM
I still nurse my DS to sleep and he is 2.5 years old. The thing is, he can go to sleep without nursing just fine (at daycare, with my DH, when my mom or MIL visit).
I am a big fan of doing what works for you, when it works for you. If you need to nurse to sleep to keep you sane right now, do it. Down the road, you can work on changing your sleep routine so that you no longer go to sleep.