My baby's things....

allnew2me · July 2013

It's been 5 months since my sweet baby girl passed away from SIDS on Feb 14, 2013. I haven't taken anything out of her nursery and I don't know what to do. After her death, I wanted to throw everything away (I threw a lot away out of anger), but my DH convinced me to save most things because he was positive we would have another child. I am finally in a place where I would be okay with having another child and we are trying for our rainbow baby.

Last week, I started to pack up some of Aubrey's things and I broke down. It was just too much.

How do others deal with taking down the nursery for a child that isn't here? I want another child, and I know it will not be Audrey, but I want to know I'm ready for another child. I don't know what to do with her things. Do I keep them and cherish them? (first choice) Or do I start over and make room for a new child?

Bayberry12 · July 2013

What to do with you daughter's things is such a personal choice, and it is so hard to know what is right.

Our situations are different because my daughter never came home and she never got use any of her things, but I still have a nursery full of her baby things collecting dust (over a year later). Right after she died I was very angry too, and threw out a lot of clothes that were hand-me-downs from a friend. I packed up all the items that were unopened and could be retuned, but they never made it back to the store. The rest of the stuff it still sitting up there in her room and I don't even remember the last time I went in there.

I know these things can be used for another baby, the car seat, stroller, swing, big things like that. But a lot of the other things, I really just think of them as Stella's things and I'm not sure I can use them for another baby. When the time comes I will probably pack away some special things and keep them just for her.

It's hard, but I hope you can figure out what is right for you.

Heatherhah · July 2013

How do others deal with taking down the nursery for a child that isn't here? I left her nirsery the way it was I didnt touch anything we did put some stuff in there like storage stuff. But my DD didn't come home from the hospital she was never in her nursery.

Do I keep them and cherish them? (first choice) Or do I start over and make room for a new child? I kept every single thing in my opinion it was your daughters stuff and that is a connection you have with her, I wouldn't get rid of anything, We didn't we knew we wanted to have another baby and it just so happened that our rainbow was a girl too so she is using all of DD2 things. I would just maybe close the door if it is to hard but don't make any decisions at all yet. We didn't change the room at all with our rainbow now I think I want to since she is 8 months old and she is not her sister she is an individual. I actually have a shelf full of Sydneys gifts that people gave me at her memorial in Trinity's room to kind of honor her sister.

I am also so sorry for your loss of your sweet Audrey!!

Heather

Noethola · July 2013

Agree, everyone will be a little different in how they deal with this.

I gave away some of the clothes that had been given to me, and returned things that could go bad (medicine, shampoos, etc.). I boxed up a lot of the clothing to be used later. But there are two outfits that I keep in her chest. One was a crocheted jacket from an Aunt and on is a little outfit my dad picked up while in Guatemala. Those were chosen specifically for her, and I just cannot see using them again. I also have a few stuffed things that will always be in her chest. Everything else I bought intending for it to be handed down someday.

I left up a lot of her nursery, though I took down her bed. I use the room as a craft room, so that I can continue to feel close to her. But all her decorations are up, her name is still there, etc.

Don't feel like you have to do anything immediately. Take your time and really decide what to do. Its ok to memorialize your daughter and keep things for her. It is also ok for you use things for another baby, perhaps things you would have used again anyway (cloth diapers, blankets, burp rags, etc.)

OSUWifey09 · July 2013

***SIGGY WARNING***

I didn't bring my son home, so my situation's a little different as well. Devon was going to be our second boy, so I honestly hadn't bought much for him because I had planned on using a lot of hand-me-downs from my son. My sister packed up all the new clothes I'd bought for him, and I was able to pull those back out when I was ready. I sent back the bottles I had bought for him, but I kept the small handful of stuff I'd already bought [Moby wrap, diaper bag, monitor]. I'm on the fence about the diaper bag because I bought that specifically for Devon, but we'll see what happens.

We also hadn't set up an actual nursery for him - we'd just set up a crib in my room - and I still haven't taken that crib down almost a year later. I haven't been able to bring myself to take it back apart.

I agree that you don't need to rush yourself to get rid of things or go through them. I plan on keeping al the clothes I bought Devon for now, but I won't use them if we have more boys. I may eventually donate some of the outfits, but his take-home outfit will go in his memory box. It's been almost a year, and I still can't part with those clothes. It definitely takes time.

tuscanbride2007 · July 2013

I will echo previous posters in that I also did not get to bring my DD home, so her stuff is still in the guest room in hopes that she might some day have a little brother or sister.

I have a friend IRL that lost her 5 month old son to SIDS and some of her friends had his clothes made into bears. Two of the bears went to her older sons and one was for her. They found someone local to sew it together, but I'm sure there are places online that would help to accomplish this. She loves the fact that she was able to do something with some of his things.

((HUGS))

BrittianyM · July 2013

Wanted to first say I am very sorry for your loss of your sweet little girl. We also lost our daughter, Brooke, to SIDS when she was 11 weeks old back in May.

We have left her nursery alone. Clothes are still in the hamper and her imprint is still in her crib mattress. I just can't bare to touch any of it. We do put fresh flowers in her room almost every week and a half. Her room still smells like her. That is how we want it.

Brooke's bouncer and swing are still in the living room right where they were and her activity jumper is still in our room. Even the bottles I made for her the night before we lost her are still on the kitchen counter right where they were.

For me, I am scared to move any of it because I feel like each time I move something that was where the last time she touched it then I am removing that much more of her from our life. I don't want that. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and I want her to always be in my life. For my DH, he feels like her things where they were do not change that she is here or not. I kind of agree with that but still can not move her things.

We plan on having more kids, when ever we get over our fear of having this happen again, but I don't want any other baby to use her clothes. Maybe the bigger items like the crib, swing, car seat, etc I would be ok with. Not sure though. Have to wait till that time comes.

It is really up to you how you want to deal with her things and how to keep her memory alive. What ever you choose, I will be praying it gives you peace. If you ever want to talk you can PM me. Hugs!

silverlining8d · July 2013

I'm in a similar position. I lost my son (stillbirth @ 39 weeks) on 1.23.13 and we are now TTC but I really want to get the nursery taken down and just try to come to terms...I want to take the things down and get rid of things I know I won't want to use if I get pregnant but I don't know how to start....I get so overwhelmed. I don't know if it would help to have someone help me or...Anyway good luck and don't push yourself. If it's too hard, it's too hard. My SO's older brother died when he was 17 and his mom didn't clear out his room for 10 years.

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