Dad's a Downer

cyndilouwho77 · July 2013

So my DH and I finally told my parents last night (long dramatic story), however they took the news rather well. The only negative thing to come out of it was my dad's comments about my age. He assumes that since I am 35, I am doomed from the get go and this baby will have problems. He kept repeating that we don't want to care for a child with "issues" (his words not mine)! It was sad, and I think I am starting to lose hope that this baby will be fine.

Any one else have someone in the family that feels like you are doomed from the start just cause your over 35?

Guennie · July 2013

Oh please. Give me a break. I'm sorry but someone needs to knock him upside the head. Your dad is obviously not very enlightened and he should not be trying to scare you. The fact is, although there are risks which go up after 35 the majority of these women have perfectly healthy babies. And just because you are 35 doesn't mean your body has gone to hell and you aren't capable of producing anything other than a defective baby. If you are healthy and you follow good prenatal care your chances are great. Do me a favor and don't let him scare you. The last thing you need is that kind of paranoia. My parents have been nothing but supportive and positive. I'm sure your dad thinks he's helping you be realistic but he's wrong.

mlamping · July 2013

I agree, stand up to your dad and tell him he is a poop. 35 is your now a days for a baby. A lot of ladies do it in their forties. They do IVF until 49 in my state.

Get a perspective and think positive. The baby is fine!

Best of luck!

Abeille · July 2013

Guennie:
Oh please. Give me a break. I'm sorry but someone needs to knock him upside the head. Your dad is obviously not very enlightened and he should not be trying to scare you. The fact is, although there are risks which go up after 35 the majority of these women have perfectly healthy babies. And just because you are 35 doesn't mean your body has gone to hell and you aren't capable of producing anything other than a defective baby. If you are healthy and you follow good prenatal care your chances are great. Do me a favor and don't let him scare you. The last thing you need is that kind of paranoia. My parents have been nothing but supportive and positive. I'm sure your dad thinks he's helping you be realistic but he's wrong.

All of this. You're dad is really misinformed, sorry he's causing you unnecessary stress.

GermanShredders · July 2013

Sorry, but your Dad needs a swift kick in the a. I am 37 and my OB gets onto me every time I refer to myself as "old." As a side note... my greatgrandmother had her last child at 47, and he was perfectly healthy.

StephanieLove10 · July 2013

Same issue with my mother and sister. Both have made similar statements and asked why anyone my age would even consider getting pregnant since "everyone" knows that "old" moms have children with issues. They've even gone so far as to say that even though all my genetic tests have come back in the normal range "something might still happen" because "you never know". I choose to ignore the both if them

They are both unhappy with certain aspects of their lives, and instead of trying to fix them, make themselves feel better by questioning others' choices or attempting to control others' decisions. That may be the case with your dad. Or maybe he is misinformed but doesn't know how to express his concerns in a loving way.

Long story short, press the ignore button on anyone who isn't supportive, family or not.

cyndilouwho77 · July 2013

Thanks everyone!!

synergy_gd · July 2013

Mum had me at 41 and I done have issues .. Blah Blu Yuh chi fun whoo hoo whoot whoot !

stephzrn · July 2013

I just delivered my baby 2 months ago at the age of 40. The pregnancy was uneventful and same with the delivery. Our baby is completely happy and healthy. Don't let him stress you out with negative comments.

RedLucia · July 2013

Sorry your dad is being mean. If he cares about statistics, you could tell him that the chance of anything "issues" due to your age alone is "rare." I'd turn the subject with him and turn a deaf ear as much as possible.

You need positive stories. So here: both my grandmas and many of their sisters had babies into their mid to late 40s (no birth control so they just kept going). I am 40 years old and my youngest uncle is 50 years old.

Lenox1975 · July 2013

Guennie:
Oh please. Give me a break. I'm sorry but someone needs to knock him upside the head. Your dad is obviously not very enlightened and he should not be trying to scare you. The fact is, although there are risks which go up after 35 the majority of these women have perfectly healthy babies. And just because you are 35 doesn't mean your body has gone to hell and you aren't capable of producing anything other than a defective baby. If you are healthy and you follow good prenatal care your chances are great. Do me a favor and don't let him scare you. The last thing you need is that kind of paranoia. My parents have been nothing but supportive and positive. I'm sure your dad thinks he's helping you be realistic but he's wrong.

Amen to this and all of the other feedback. I'm sorry you have to deal with this - it's always hard when your family doesn't give the 100% support we need. But as others said, he doesn't have his facts straight so don't let him get to you.

cyndilouwho77 · July 2013

Thanks for all the positive feedback and success stories! I was doing so great with everything and now still have the worry in the back of my mind. I guess we all have a little bit of worry right? He thankfully hasn't brought it up again!

mamajess68 · July 2013

I am a "normal" woman, married for 17+ years with an advanced degree. I had my first child at 29, 2nd at 32, 3rd at 40 and will deliver this LO at 45 in September. All my children are healthy, so far, and each one a blessing. I have declined all advanced testing for this pregnancy as my husband and I are devout Catholics, but my Dr. has told me repeatedly that there is nothing about this baby (via u/s and normal monitoring) that would make him suspect any issues. YOU WILL BE GREAT!!! 35 is the new 25!! (btw, I had a horrible time getting pregnant with my first two and my last two, both boys, have come unplanned by us!)

kje120 · July 2013

That's awful - I'm sorry! Your child is not doomed because you are 35. There are many many healthy babies who are born to women 35+. My sister had her first at 36 and second at 38 and they are perfectly healthy. I'll be pushing 37 when this baby is born and there is nothing at all wrong with him. Try not to let your dad's attitude bring you down.

jb2rn · July 2013

He is uneducated.

I had my first at 35 and I had an awesome, healthy pregnancy. No high blood pressure, no diabetes, etc.

Yes, statistically your risks due increase, but it's not as if the switch flips when you turn 35.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, and don't let one dumb person get you down.

sporklemotion · July 2013

Others have said it, but I just wanted to reiterate that while the odds of issues increase, they are still lower than the odds that everything will be fine. For example, I was told that (at 41) I had about a 1 in 33 chance if having a baby with Downs Syndrome, which means that 97% of babies born to mothers of my age won't have it. At 35, your odds are even better. Point being, while you hear a lot about potential issues, they are still not all that common.

You are also not automatically high risk just because of your age (at least I'm not). My OB-GYN has scheduled testing on the earlier side for me (first u/s at 7 weeks, A/S at 18 weeks instead of 20), but not crazily so. The only real difference I have seen is that my insurance covered some tests that younger ladies on my BMB didn't have. Down the road, they may monitor my blood pressure and sugar more closely, but so far they haven't needed to do this.

Zoly1103 · July 2013

Maybe for your own peace of mind, you might want to consider the MaternT21 or one of the other tests that detects genetic issues. We did the M21 for our own peace of mind and I am so glad that we did.

But I definitely recommend doing it for yourself and not worrying about how your dad feels about it.

DezignedByFaith · July 2013

All of this and then some. My mom was kind of like this too. I had to respectfully put her in her place.

Guennie:
Oh please. Give me a break. I'm sorry but someone needs to knock him upside the head. Your dad is obviously not very enlightened and he should not be trying to scare you. The fact is, although there are risks which go up after 35 the majority of these women have perfectly healthy babies. And just because you are 35 doesn't mean your body has gone to hell and you aren't capable of producing anything other than a defective baby. If you are healthy and you follow good prenatal care your chances are great. Do me a favor and don't let him scare you. The last thing you need is that kind of paranoia. My parents have been nothing but supportive and positive. I'm sure your dad thinks he's helping you be realistic but he's wrong.

NiniM22 · July 2013

I had a beautiful perfectly healthy baby girl in October at age 39. Good luck!

fairy_diva · July 2013

Your dad is uneducated and does need a swift kick in the butt. I'm 40 and newly pregnant with our second baby. I was 37 when I got pregnant with our first and 38 when I delivered. He's healthy as a horse and too smart for his own good, lol

lovelyday39 · August 2013

People really need to get a grip on the horrible ageism surrounding women over 35 being pregnant.

Please see the result of me being pregnant at 39 and delivering at 40 in siggie.

woody26 · August 2013

I'm so sorry your dad is being so negative, I had my 1st baby at 35 and I am now preg with my 2nd which is due 6 days before my 38th bday...My daughter is perfect in every way!! Lots of my GFs are/have had babies over 35 and all of them healthy as can be! Your dad just sounds really negative..don't allow his negativity to effect this special time...HUGS!!!

Barbercharm · August 2013

No pregnancy is guaranteed to be healthy, no matter the mother's age. While there are increased risks as our eggs age, it doesn't mean a baby from a mother over 35 is doomed! My 28 year old friend had a baby with Down's Syndrome. And it was nothing that she did wrong. And that baby is just as special and beautiful as every other baby.

cyndilouwho77 · August 2013

A cont. thank you to everyone who keeps lifting me up through this. My Dr is running the two part test and I have yet to be scheduled for the second blood test and I am already 18 weeks. Its been hard to just relax esp since he keeps bringing it up, its not like his opinion matters cause no matter the outcome I will love my baby I just really hate the stress =(

SaltyDonut · August 2013

Dad's are great like aren't they?! Ignore the ignorance, I am sure he will love your LO no matter what... Babies are blessings period!! I'm 35 also and when I told him I was expecting he whined like I was 16 & pregnant. It was truly ridiculous. Up until a few weeks ago he kept asking "why did you do this?".. all I do is laugh at him because any other reaction would be giving it too much thought. Good luck with everything!

lizardknitter · August 2013

Ditto what everyone else said. And tell your Dad that the average age of the mother of a DS child is 26. The only reason the risk increases with age is that there are fewer women aged 35plus having babies than there are under 35.

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