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STBXH moving out of state

Temp937723687505543Temp937723687505543 member
in Single Parents

Come November, XH is going to be moving back home to Florida.  My daughter is going to be crushed.  I know she'll get over it in time- she'll be almost 4 at the time, and kids are resilient.  Now I'm wondering if I should start looking for another job (I work in retail).  Also, STBX also said something about taking the kids for "3 or 4 months in the summer" and how that's the standard.  I told him there's no way I would agree to an entire summer.  He told me that's the norm.  Has anyone heard of this?  I was thinking a few weeks in the summer...  Thanks!

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Re: STBXH moving out of state

  • mgaldosmgaldos member
    Hi!  Actually, I send my children to Dominican Republic (D.R.) every summer to be with their grandparents (XH's parents).  Even though we are no longer together, my children have traveled to see their grandparents every summer since they were born!  I do miss my children, but since they never got to know my parents, my mom passed before either child was born and my dad passed when my DS was 10 months old, I want them to know at least one set of grandparents.  Also I want them to know and embrace their culture and where we come from. My mom was Dominican and my dad was Cuban, I traveled to D.R. a lot as a child and I still speak Spanish at home to the kids!  I want them to remember that!  I also call my children every day!  I call at least 2-3 times a day.  My kids are older now though.  My DS is 11 y/o and my DD is 8 y/o, so they tell me everything!  So I guess it all depends on how comfortable you are with allowing your child to travel and be away from you.  XH also lives in NY, I live in Boston, so when he wants them for Christmas or Thanksgiving or a certain school vacation, I do allow them to go.  I get along with his GF so I have no issue's there.  This is just my situation, I know everyone is different.  Do what feels right for you!  Also, I didn't go through a lawyer for visitation so going that route may have different outcomes.  Hope this helps!  And remember do what feels comfortable for you and your LO! 
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  • tracy41tracy41 member
    Whatever you agree to in your custody order is what it is going to be. Since summer isn't 34 months long and I wouldn't think it fair for one parent to get a child the whole school break I doubt that's something you want to agree to or is standard. I know your daughter isn't school age yet but she will be soon. You need to get your custody order worked out before he takes off. That's sad that he is moving far from your daughter though. I hope she handles it okay.
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  • ktedmonktedmon member

    3-4 months, all summer long is not the norm. My ex-best friend gets her son 6 weeks each summer. She gets him other time too, but as for summer, he's with her for 6 weeks

     

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  • inthelostinthelost member
    I always thought about 6 weeks in the summer was the norm. I would talk to a lawyer though and get better legal advice! 
    Liliana Seraphina born 9/5/2103


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  • babymama619babymama619 member
    I have a friend that has his kids with mom for the school year and he gets them for the summer. They switch off major holidays and school breaks. He also sees them every other weekend. Not sure if its the norm, but that's what they do.

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  • Temp937723687505543Temp937723687505543 member
    We already do have a custody agreement filed with the court, along with child support, and we're going to have it changed. I have an appointment with my lawyer in a few weeks, so I'll see what he says. Also, XH is going to be going to school full time and maybe working pt while living with his dad, and he says that CS will not change and his dad will pay, but his dad is notorious for saying one thing and then refusing if something anything rubs him the wrong way. This is going to be interesting.
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  • StefB28StefB28 member

    Definitely not "the norm", although I'm sure some people have that arrangement. My XH gets our boys for 3 one week periods in the summer, which is actually less than the standard agreement in our area of 3 two week periods. (This is more time than he'll ever take-- he can't get the time off of work.)

    I do know a dad in TX whose judge assigned him a "standard" arrangement of one full month during the summer. (His kids are considerably older than mine though-- may have something to do it.)

    I can't imagine any judge forcing an entire summer.

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