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Special Needs
Rdmaggie
member
It all makes so much sense now...
Rdmaggie
member
When we first suspected DD was on the spectrum one of the first things we were asked was if there was a history of Autism. I thought of my close friend growing up, the boy next door who was verbal, but still had echolalia even in adulthood. Who would come over every night to watch wrestling or scary movies without saying too much but being perfectly content to be in my presence. Who would let loose a string of oddly worded sentences that of course, I understood because I was around him so often that I could piece together what he was talking about. The boy who stimmed, rocked, and never made eye contact (none of which stood out to me until his step mother was pestering him to stop)...and I thought "no...we don't have any of that in our family".
Then I thought about it a bit more...My mother dropped out of school at 14, she always told me it was because she was different and people made fun of her. She said she was stupid, but surprisingly she was gifted mechanically and artistically. She has had the same friend for 40 years, only one...And the few times shes mad e"new friends" it's as if she becomes them. She globs on, becomes inappropriately close, way too involved. She gravitates towards the elderly (my father used to say she was born 80), and also to babies. I used to get embarrassed at stores because when the cashier would ask "how are you today?" She would launch into a 20 min conversation, not getting that the cashier was making small talk. Shes worked at the same factory for 17 years and still spends every break in her car. When shes not at work in her uniform she wears men's clothing, because its "more comfortable". Shes also a hoarder ( not that it necessarily relates) Shes the home shopping/Amazon ordering queen, she owns 5 vacuums, 3 still in the box and its highly evident that none of them are being used. Navigating through her home means dodging boxes and stepping over and into god knows what.
then I thought of myself...I struggled so hard in school making friends. I didn't even talk unless called on until well into the 6th grade...I begged to stay inside at recess and be with the teachers. My parents used to tell me that this was because I was much more mature, because I was an only child... My mother blamed the school system for my social struggles, saying the same thing happend to her and it was just small town mentality. I was made fun of, bullied and generally hated school for strictly that reason. When my husband and I first started dating 9 years ago he had to make the phone calls for the first 3 months, I was so backwards. I often practiced and still regularly do practice what I will say in anticipated social situations. I aced pharmacology in nursing school while others struggled, in factI was always in honor classes In high school when the subject interested me or involved memorization, otherwise I scraped by.
My mothers aunt also dropped out of school when she was 13, because....wait for it....people made fun of her. She never graduated or went back, however she ended up teaching mechanics at the Local vocational school, and she built her own home from the ground up. She was a wonderful lady with so many talents, she never did marry or have children though.
So knowing what I know now, I'm not at all surprised this is what we are looking at. I really hope DD has some of the same potential, that knowing early on that this has a name will help her in some way. I really feel that my husband being in his 30s, and having a long history of auto immune disorders (he has to take methotrexate for severe psoriasis, his mother has MS) helped to create this perfect storm. That it intensified what my genes already passed on, that it tipped her over some invisible ledge. Who knows....I just felt the need to share this revelation.
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Re: It all makes so much sense now...
I've become much more self aware of my quirks and social deficits since My DS was diagnosed. (2nd-8th grade were pretty miserable with bullying) My sister (who was much more of a mother to me than our mother, she's 10 years older) says my son is very similar to how I was as a child, just a little more... My dad (I'm my dad's only child) is at least an autistic cousin. Guy is wonderful but he has no understanding of social boundaries at all. I would be absolutely shocked if his brother my uncle wasn't on the spectrum. Come to think of it most of his 6 sisters are at least a little quirky.
DS 09/2008
I also have many autism-like symptoms. I'm not sure if I would meet the diagnostic criteria or not. Although, my DH is positive that I am on the spectrum. Of course autism runs in my dad's side of the family, but this was only recently realized after the diagnosis of my youngest cousin (who is now 15), my 14 yo nephew and my own DD. All with varying forms. We also have auto-immune disorders in the mix. My father has MS and my DD's paternal grandmother also has MS.