M/C Update & Bump Break

mork · July 2013

So, I've been on a mini unplanned bump break. I haven't checked here in a few days, and haven't been on TTCAL in at least 10 days. A lot has been going on emotionally on this end. The short story is that my m/c is not over. Over two months later, I still have a pea sized bit of tissue that won't come out. So I'm having a D&C next Wed. It was supposed to be tomorrow, but we decided not to do it originally. Now we know it's starting to calcify, and it has to come out. I hate that my body sucks. And I really really hate that my m/cs take over twice as long as the pgs last. I really want it to be over and to just move on (I'm even set to O in the next couple of days, and it's killing me that we can't/shouldn't try - I already Oed four weeks ago too). But I digress.

That puts me on the bench for two cycles, so it will be about 3 months until we could try again. I hate the waiting. Waiting to m/c, waiting to try, waiting to find out if I should have any hope. It's killing me. Anyway, for a lot of reasons, we may not even try again, which is a knife to my heart. It's killing me. And I really am having a hard time seeing/hearing about others' pgs. We wanted 4 babies. Out of 7, we have 1. We decided we would settle for 2 close together. Now they will be two years apart, at a minimum, and that's only if my body cooperates immediately. Due to complications, age, future work, future life, and a bunch of other crap, it may just be better/more sane to stay at one. And I cry every time I see, say, or write that.

Anyway, I'm really hot and cold as to being able to handle the bump right now, mostly because I can't handle BFPs and pgs. So, I've decided I won't make myself. I may check in occasionally, when I'm up for it, but I'll probably be a bit absent for the next three months, or until we decide what our future holds.

Thanks for reading my vent. You're more than welcome to keep contact with me through PMs, email, or even page me. Just know that it may take me a while to get back to you. Hugs to everyone.

I'm gonna go cry in E's cheerios now while she eats.

Junebug060609 · July 2013

Oh hun, I hate that this is dragging on for you. I'm glad that they are going to take care of it...but OMG what a rollercoaster you've been on in the meantime.

I think I'll send you a PM. I'm there with in not knowing if a sibling is in the cards for D and having things be very different than I'd imagined if there is one. I've had trouble handling pregnancies ever since my loss in November and steer clear of posts that discuss that or sometimes that are even by those I know to be KU (sorry ladies).

Big hugs and best wishes for tomorrow.

RedCherry1109 · July 2013

No words for what you are going through!!! Big hugs to you!!

adoxyinherear · July 2013

So many hugs. You are so strong and patient and I'm sure no one can fault you for needing to take some time away.

spincat9 · July 2013

<<hugs>> Mork... I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

MJM3108 · July 2013

Mork, sending you big, huge hugs and lots of prayers. We understand the need to take a break, but please know we are all here for you if you need us!

delino · July 2013

I'm so sorry mork. I've been thinking of you and am so sad to read this update. All I can do is send you the biggest :::hugs::: ever and let you know that I'm here for you if I can do anything.

Mom2anAngel2 · July 2013

Big hugs!

ChloBub · July 2013

Huge, very sincere ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))), friend. I'm so sorry.

bluebonnetmeg · July 2013

I am so sorry you are having such a rough time and that your body is not cooperating. I hope your d&c goes smoothly and you can start healing physically and emotionally. Big ((hugs))

melly918 · July 2013

I was wondering about you recently. I am so sorry this m/c turned out to be a prolonged experience for you. Sending you lots of hugs!

NBBride05 · July 2013

I am so sorry that you are having to experience all of this. BIG HUGS!!!

Oatoa · July 2013

I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this long process and as you make some tough decisions. We're here if you need us.

Mmm79 · July 2013

I am so sorry. Take as much time as you need - we are here.

iggy.d · July 2013

I'm so sorry, especially that your m/c isn't over : I haven't been on in months, but wanted to tell you I can totally relate with the hurt/worry/fear of never giving x a sibling, and the struggles that go along with it. Sending big hugs.

MrsAtch · July 2013

I'm so sorry sweetheart. And I'm sorry I haven't been around. I got word that this was posted and I had to come and check on you. YGPM.

MrsPachita · July 2013

I'm so sorry Mork ((BIG Huge Hugs))

vflipo · July 2013

((hugs)) I am so sorry Mork.

QuigleyCat1 · July 2013

Oh Mork! I'm so sorry. It's the worst feeling to want another child so badly and then have to force yourself to try and realize that it just may never be. Trust me, I'm right there with you. Treat yourself well during your break and PM me if you ever need to vent. Lots of hugs your way sweetheart.