AW proud of myself (loss mentioned)

ebwhit · July 2013

I know I should have posted on the Special Hugs post but I kept forgetting.

Today marks one year since our first loss; and I made it through the day.We had seen our LOs heartbeat two days previous when I went to the hospital with some bleeding.

I remember the Dr. telling me that the pregnancy looked "well organized" and I have always wondered what the fluck that meant? When my midwife told me two days later the heartbeat was gone...well you all know...there's no shock like it. Later that day we flew home, told our families what happened and attended the wedding of our best friends. I think I was in such denial that whole weekend that I pretty much kept it together- it wasn't until we were home again and the reality of the thing hit us that I fell apart.

I did well today- my job is distracting so that helps. My friend Mathew came over for dinner and now DH and I are watching a documentary about Lewis and Clark. I think a lot of us have the experience where we think we won't see due dates or loss dates without another healthy pregnancy to console us-- there's a special hollowness to these dates.

That's all I guess, I just neededur to post. A quote that sticks with me is this:

"Your absence goes through me like thread through a needle; everything I do stitched with it's color."