- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Adoption
when is enough, enough
I know, I know it is different for everyone... When dealing with IF when did you decide it was time to pursue adoption or other methods to expand your family. We have been diagnosed with unexplained fertility, but they have found absolutely nothing wrong that could interfere with baby makin'... So my question is at what point do you decide to pursue other options... We are 20 cycles in and haven't been told it can't happen, but in your opinion when would you move on? This has been such a roller coaster and I just want to talk with ladies on how there are handling you are handling your own situation. Thanks.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: when is enough, enough
We gave a biological child the old college try, including 3 iui's, two being medicated. Our next step in our IF journey would have been more invasive and more meds, which I was not comfortable doing that to my body. I have no real desire to be pregnant, I just wanted to be a mom (although on occasion, I feel I'm missing out on things that come with a pregnancy). We were also unexplained, only to find an explanation 1.5 years after we stopped trying.
During our final iui, we began talking about next steps and we started getting really excited about adoption. We were actually hoping the iui would not take.
Good luck deciding when the time is right for you.
There was a similiar question here a few days ago- should still be on the top page, scroll down.
I had absolutely no desire to get pregnant. My partner and I tried because it was frankly far less expensive to get pregnant with our health insurance than adoption is. When I had a breakdown after multiple unsuccessful attempts with injectibles (IUI's). We decided that our mental sanity and relationship was worth far more than the need for us to have a genetically related child. So we pursued adoption.
When we 100% made the decision- we'd been legally married for 1 year, illegally married for 8.5 years, and together for 14 years. We were both done with all our education, and in stable and fulfilling careers.
I have Endometriosis - we tried the "old fashioned way" for 4 years. Then went to an RE who suggested IVF. We took out a second on our mtg to afford the $25K...and ordered drugs from the UK and Mexico. We ended up with 2 embroys out of 16 that were dividing, however they were fragmented. No baby. Come to find out (AFTER the fact) that most women with Endo have fragmanted embroys and they have short lived mitosis and no pregnancy. We were furious! The RE encouraged us the entire time, knowing we had an ice cubes chance...anyway, we then tried clomid, 'cause why not, it was cheap. Then we decided since a friend had such a good success with donor eggs, we'd try it too. Not an inexpensive venture either! I contracted endometritis the first cycle 3 days post transfer, and was so sick! Same thing happened second cycle - and this time I wanted to die (seriously!) - I was in so much pain and so sick. I told DH I was done and we should adopt. He couldn't stand seeing me like that and he also was well past done giving me injections. We called an adoption attorney the next week and made an appointment.
Was all the drama and pain worth it? Yes and No. I now know with out a doubt I can not get pregnant. I did everything I could - and we were in debt up to our eyeballs. I am stubborn and generally don't know when to stop...and I was also 34 when we began, and I was running out of time. It emotionally ripped my husband and I apart - but it bonded us in a way I never would have imagined.
I would say if you are under 30 AND your insurance will continue to pay (or you have enough savings) GO for it! Our insurance didn't pay a dime. (This was in 2003 - things have changed some since then) Give ART one chance - then you can honestly say you tried everything. Looking back I wish we would have stopped after the first IVF tho...
I have 3 beautiful adopted children - H 7.5 (boy), E 6.5 (boy) and K 2.5 (girl). We missed the boys births by 8 hours (had to fly) and 45 minutes (traffic) and I helped deliver my daughter. After witnessing that, I am not sorry to have missed that experience! lol! I do regret not having the feeling of the baby growing and moving, but it is a small price to pay.
Good luck in your decision - it is a tough one.
Ditto this. Someone just asked about it
For us, I'd had 3 losses, didn't want to do any more fertility treatments, and DH and I had actually set a timeline when we would start to shift our focus toward adoption. I got to the point I just wanted to be a mom, and a baby didn't have to out of me for that to happen. Best.decision.ever.
I was mentally ready to adopt about a year ago. It took my husband a little longer to catch up. We were 5 years in TTC. I had 10 early miscarriages with absolutely no explanation as to why. We finally went to one of the best RE clinics in the country and it STILL didn't work (we still have 3 embryos frozen, but decided adoption was our next step). We decided that we were completely done and ready to move on. We know we did everything we could. We just want to be parents and when we both got to the point of realizing that, we decided to adopt.
After 1 IUI, 3 IVF's with CGH/CCS testing, 10 early miscarriages, and lots of tears and frustration, we are moving on to Domestic Infant Adoption! We are so excited to see what the future holds.
When we were married, we knew that getting pregnant would be a far fetched idea. My husband has a chronic disorder and back in 2008 he was on life support being pumped full of chemo and steroids to keep him alive. We knew that we would give it the good college effort try. We also had decided that we wouldn't go into debt over trying to get pregnant. Back in April we found out that the hubs is sterile - literally they could not find one little swimmer on 3 different occasions. We could have tried a testicular biopsy but we both decided at this time it wasn't worth the $50K to do the proceedure plus pay for IVF for a "chance" to get pregnant.
That's when we started the adoption process. We have talked about doing sperm donation some day. But for now we are 150% on board for adoption. It was certainly a decision that both the hubs and I had to come to together. We want to be parents and that is what matters to us!
Good luck in your journey and decision!
for us, I was born with a genetic syndrome, and knew from an early age that I wouldn't get pregnant the "old fashioned" way... I don't produce eggs. So because I knew about this for a LONG time, I didn't grow up with the desire to be pregnant or give birth. I just didn't feel like I needed those experiences to be a mom. luckily, when I met DH he was on board with adoption, too.
so we knew from the get-go that it was either spend tons of money on fertility treatments that weren't guaranteed to work... or put that money into adoption that we knew would somehow, some way, end with us being parents. which is all we wanted.
we did a lot of research, decided on international adoption from Korea.... applied, and about 18 months later, our adorable 21 month old son was home with us :-) I can tell you that I don't think its possible for me to love him anymore than I do, and I don't feel like I missed out on anything by not being pregnant, or really even by not having him as a newborn. He was the son that we were meant to have in our lives, and he came to us the way he was meant to come to us.