Staying positive after a failure

KR250222 · July 2013

How do you ladies remain positive after this? I have accepted and mourned my BFN and now am trying to not go into my head and think about remaining childless forever.

One comforting thing is that my RE said that on average it take a couple 3 tries for success. I don't know if she meant 3 ivf cycles or including FETs... but I know it can also take some couples even more than 3 tries. Guess that's where the average part comes from.

I've been through a lot worse than this, I am a 3 year cancer survivor. But a part of me is like why are we going through another challenging thing? Wasn't cancer enough? No, apparently MI is our next challenge as a couple. WTF, right?

Anyway, any strategies or words of encouragement are greatly appreciated.

daiseydooda · July 2013

I am so sorry you're having a hard time. It is a draining process. You are stronger than you know. Take things one day at a time and keep looking forward. Sometimes a break from ttc helps or moving on to another cycle.

mmhopeful · July 2013

I don't have any advice, but instead words of care....you are in my T and P's. As a cancer survivor you know all too well the ups and downs of any treatment plan and the varied emotional toll it can take. Sadly, IF is such uncharted waters and is not talked about in the media or in society as much as Cancer is. We can only hope that people will not be afraid to talk more about it so others can be more supportive. Your "plate" is more than full. I hope talking to us all here can unload some of the burden and help you to move forward knowing that good things DO happen to people everyday and it's your turn!

twistsandturnsto2 · July 2013

Failed cycles are always hard, no matter how many. I can't say it gets any easier, at least for me. I try to remember that this is a process, not an exact science. What works for 100 women, may not work for me. I can't stand that mentality, but it helps keep me in check. I do morn a failed cycle, but try to give the same enthusiasm to the next one. My embies, DH and RE deserve that. It's not always the case, but until we decide to stop tx, I try to remember that I deserve it too.

Kudos to you for kicking cancers butt! I know it doesn't seem fair, IF never is, but you can kick IFs butt too! Just give yourself some time to be sad, then pick yourself up and get back in the game.

KR250222 · July 2013

I appreciate everyone's kind words and encouragement. You all are so awesome! I dealt with cancer positively and I can bring that determination into this situation.

I know I will be a mom someday, but it just might take more time than I would like. Can't wait for that day for us ALL!

kjf114 · July 2013

I am so sorry you are dealing with infertility, it is such an awful thing for any person to deal with. Knocks you down in more ways than one.. and for you to deal with cancer as well and beat it. You ARE a strong survivor. I?m a big believer in god doesn?t give us what we can?t handle or whatever his reasons may be. I face the same challenges as you right now severe MFI and had severe OHSS after our 1st IVF in June and it was a BFN. I have my first FET coming up end of July and I?m very nervous?I asked my RE what are the odds with the FET he said same as IVF, 25 percent. Which makes sense when your RE said usually happens in 3 times. I would assume that would be IVF, FET combined. As words of encouragement, you have more embies that are frozen where a lot of ladies don?t. Try to keep that head up high with positive thoughts! Thinking of you and will keep you in my prayers xoxo

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