Bed Sharing Judgement

Re: Bed Sharing Judgement

• somebuddiesgettingmarried member

  July 2013

  As a FTM myself, I've asked and received lots of good advice so here's my 2 cents: 

  1. Keep your judgement to yourself (not you OP, I mean a general "You"). I make the choices that I feel are best for my families needs. Leave your opinions at the door (unless I ask for them). 

  2. Make sure you can live with the possible outcomes of your choice. My DH and I bedshare also. We weren't planning it- I was actually really against it. In the first few weeks when I was SO tired that I didn't even dream- I just lost consciousness, I didn't dare bring DD into our bed because it was a real possibility that I would accidentally role onto her. But around 4 months old, my body became very adept at rousing when I heard her. The smallest movement and I was awake! So, when the dreaded 4 month sleep regression hit and she started waking up at all hours, it made everything better to just bring her into bed with me. That way, I could, at least get some rest. I'm also working FT so for me, it wasn't an option to not sleep all night.

  You said that DH is not on board with bedsharing. Make sure you're not disregarding his concerns. Maybe do some research with him involved about safe bedsharing practices? My DH worries because once he's asleep, a bomb can't wake him up. But, because he knows that I sleep with one eye open and we use various tricks to make sure we've reduced any risk, he doesn't worry. 

  3. Pediatricians give medical advice- not parenting advice. Refer to #1.

  Good luck!!  

  <a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lmtf.lilypie.com/FNqNm4.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Maternity tickers" /></a>
  

  
  

  

  Report0 Reply
• Loading the player...
• Emerald27 member

  July 2013

  Dr. James McKenna runs the Mother Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory at Notre Dame and is an expert on infant neuropsychology and sleep. If you google him and go to the lab's website, you'll find lots of articles and studies about cosleeping and other sleep matters. You might find what you need to put his mind at ease there.

  
  

  
  

  

  Report0 Reply
• ForeverEverAfter member

  July 2013

  DH was super nervous at first. He put up a bedrail so that she could sleep between me and the rail. She spends the first stretch in her bassinet, but comes into bed to feed and we fall asleep almost everytime. I talked to him about Dr James McKenna, and he's okay with it now as long as we follow all the guidelines.

  

  Report0 Reply
• sooner1981 member

  July 2013

  Emerald27:

  Dr. James McKenna runs the Mother Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory at Notre Dame and is an expert on infant neuropsychology and sleep. If you google him and go to the lab's website, you'll find lots of articles and studies about cosleeping and other sleep matters. You might find what you need to put his mind at ease there.

   

  This is from Dr. McKenna's website:

  https://cosleeping.nd.edu/frequently-asked-questions/#7

  10. Do you support a family?s decision to bedshare? Do you think it is safe enough?

   

  With certain caveats I do support safe bedsharing. (I would likely bedshare with my own baby after taking all the precautions.) But I would also have an armsreach cosleeper by our bed and the baby would likely sleep in bed and/or in the cosleeper for most of the night.  I think it incumbent and appropriate, however, for parents to ask themselves before they bring their baby to bed with them to consider how they would evaluate (as much as might be possible) their choice if a tragedy were to occur and their baby died? Would you as parents assume that you must have overlaid their baby, as that will be what coroners and medical officials are likely to suggest and at very least, rather than the infant being said to have died from SIDS, the ideology against any and all forms of bedsharing is so popular now that the local coroner will likely call the death a SUID?sudden unexpected infant death suggesting that suffocation cannot be ruled out. It is important to consider how much confidence you would have in yourselves, in the precautions you have taken, how much agreement you and your partner share as regards the importance to each of you and your baby of bedsharing and appropriateness of bedsharing for your specific family. 

  Report0 Reply
• PrincessPeach13 member

  July 2013

  My DH also was freaking out about it in the beginning.  I showed him the Dr. McKenna site and it was very reassuring to DH.

   

  
  

  
  

   

  Report0 Reply
• SnoopyLuv member

  July 2013

  PrincessPeach13:

  My DH also was freaking out about it in the beginning.  I showed him the Dr. McKenna site and it was very reassuring to DH.

  Same. We also did some out of control "bedproofing". The pillows were under sheets, we didn't sleep with more than a sheet pulled up waist high , I slept nude and we had a bed rail. We got much more lax the older she got, and then we all ended up loving bedsharing.  I think a simple heart to heart and a "this is what works for LO and I" is in order. DH knew that it was either bedshare or he'd be up with her at night to, so he had to compromise.
  

  
    Francesca Pearl is here!             Josephine Hope is almost 3!
  

  Report0 Reply
• BabyShelnutt member

  July 2013

  I almost posted a post word for word what you just said! Except... my husband didn't bring it up at the checkup, just brought it up with his mother-- who is a baby nurse. GLAD I FOUND THIS POST! You're definitely not alone!

  Report0 Reply