A question for those who have had a loss...

sometimesalwayschaotic · July 2013

One of my good friends just lost her baby and she was about 6 weeks along. I want to take her a meal. Would it be better for my husband to drop it off? Will her seeing me in the upcoming months make her sad? I know after my loss I was most sad about those who had a close due date to mine but I also don't think I was around many pregnant woman who were farther along. TIA

jy725 · July 2013

I didn't really want to be around anyone for a while. My sisters sent me cookies that were delivered to my house. It was really nice.

bethLenell · July 2013

I would have your DH drop it off. I know you said you were good friends but she may need some space from you especially if you are showing at all. I would write her a note that you are always there for her if she wants to talk and only bring up your pregnancy if she asks about.

margaerytyrell · July 2013

I would drop it off at the front door and let her know it's there. She'll appreciate that. I really didn't want to see anyone after my loss. I just wanted to grieve with my husband.

It was hard for me to see or hear from pregnant women. I would give her space. Although, my advice is coming from a much later loss - 23 weeks. I honestly cannot remember my feelings when I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks.

daisydaisy23 · July 2013

I think it might be best to do a delivery...honestly maybe not even from your DH (because that could make it seem like you, specifically, are avoiding her). Can you get something delivered from a company or something? As pp said, I didn't want to see/talk to anyone afterwards if I knew that they knew about it. And other pregnant women were high on my list of people to avoid. My parents had flowers delivered and I appreciated that gesture.

daisydaisy23 · July 2013

abc123babies:
I would drop it off at the front door and let her know it's there.

This is a great idea.

shortms6 · July 2013

I agree with PP to have someone deliver it (like a delivery boy). It could be something as simple as pizza or pasta from an Italian restaurant. I didn't want to see anyone until I was ready.

miam4 · July 2013

daisydaisy23:
abc123babies:
I would drop it off at the front door and let her know it's there.
This is a great idea.

That's what I recommend also...

BellaElla79 · July 2013

I would have your H drop it off.

zou bisou · July 2013

Probably depends on the person. I was ok or not ok depending on how tactful the pregnant person was.

natleilynn · July 2013

daisydaisy23:
abc123babies:
I would drop it off at the front door and let her know it's there.
This is a great idea.

Perfect. I didn't want to see anyone, especially not my friends/family that were expecting. When you lose a baby, no matter how far along, it's going to be painful and I think most people want to deal with it internally. The few people who stopped by left me in tears (not their own fault, just me trying to be normal and failing).

natleilynn · July 2013

natleilynn:
daisydaisy23:
abc123babies:
I would drop it off at the front door and let her know it's there.
This is a great idea.
Perfect. I didn't want to see anyone, especially not my friends/family that were expecting. When you lose a baby, no matter how far along, it's going to be painful and I think most people want to deal with it internally. The few people who stopped by left me in tears (not their own fault, just me trying to be normal and failing).

I also want to add, a card or email can be appropriate. I liked knowing my friends were thinking about me, but I typically ignored their phone calls whenever possible.

sometimesalwayschaotic · July 2013

Thanks ladies! I don't think it will be obvious that I"m avoiding her since someone has to stay with our two little ones. I am most definitely showing. My aunt asked me this weekend if I'm having twins after stating how huge I am. And here starts another type of pregnancy post.

It just makes me so sad that this had to happen. I wish all pregnancy could just be happy!

mestills · July 2013

If you are very good friends, I would personally take it to her. Don't mention your pregnancy at all, and just talk about her. If you are just friends then maybe send a card in the mail with a gift card to a place that does take out or even a gift card for a pedicure/message.

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A question for those who have had a loss...

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