How would you feel?

Whittyone12 · July 2013

DH has been gone a lot in the last 3 weeks, he has been out with friends 4 or 5 times, gone to hang out with his brother and his dad a couple times, fixed his aunts ac, and has been on call for work. I know he is helping people out, and I know he has to work, but sometimes he will be gone 2 hours after he says he will be home and won't call. Also when he is home he is constantly "busy" doing something like working on his truck or washing it, working in the garden, cleaning the garage, things that in my opinion can wait.

Meanwhile I sit at home taking care of Keith by myself all the time, and the last couple weeks have been hard, he was sick all last week and was running a fever if 103, so I had to take off work 2 days to take care of him, and make the doctors visits, and the pharmacy runs with a sick baby. Then after the fever broke he got a terrible rash from having a fever so long and to really ice the cake, he is bringing in 2 new teeth so he has been a cranky little guy and he has been biting while nursing, so my nipples look like hamburger meat. I have also been the only one getting up for night feedings and early mornings.

How would you feel about this? I am really starting to get angry with DH. I know some of it is out of his control like taking call at work, but I feel like he could cut the other stuff to be home with us more often. His response to me is "you hang out with your mom friends a lot". And while this is true, and I love my mom friends they save my sanity a lot. He doesn't understand that taking your baby to a play date does not constitute me time. I don't know I am probably over reacting as a result of trying to wean myself from the lexapro. But what do you think would you be mad?

incognitoNY · July 2013

I would be really mad. I would tell DH that you deserve some "me" time and have him stay home with the baby next weekend one day. It seems like your a working mom and i dont think its fair if both parents are working for one of them to do all the late nights and early mornings. DH and I both work full time and we rotate getting up in the morning with the baby. I would also be upset that hes not wanted to spend family time together with you and the baby.

So i dont think your over reacting i agree with you 100%

CLeigh03 · July 2013

If I had to essentially parent alone for 3 weeks, 1 of which he was really sick, I would be upset.

There is always something that needs to be done but time needs to be balanced for family - that's the top priority IMO.

I would calmly talk to him about it - how him being gone all the time is making you feel. You probably miss him, right? And you miss seeing him interact with Keith!

Good luck!

Whittyone12 · July 2013

CLeigh03:
If I had to essentially parent alone for 3 weeks, 1 of which he was really sick, I would be upset.nbsp;There is always something that needs to be done but time needs to be balanced for family that's the top priority IMO.I would calmly talk to him about it how him being gone all the time is making you feel. You probably miss him, right? And you miss seeing him interact with Keith!nbsp;Good luck!nbsp;

I do miss him and I miss family time. I also forgot to mention that while Keith was sick I was also sick with the same thing he had, just not as bad.

We are going to have a talk tonight whether he likes it or not, because I am starting to resent everything he does, and that is silly. I just want to be able to go for a run, or shower without worrying about having an angry baby hanging off me. I also think Keith has been grouchy in part because he misses his dad.

AutumnLeaves2 · July 2013

Honestly, I would be really upset. Parenting is a team effort and it's not fair that he isn't doing his part and helping you out.
Don't get me wrong, I can totally understand being on call for work...my DH is the same way and he frequently has to leave when we're in the middle of doing something. I also get wanting to go out with the guys for drinks or whatever...but at the point where you start feeling neglected, it's time to say something.
Definitely talk with him and tell him you feel secondary to everyone and everything else. He can't fix it if he doesn't know it's upsetting you.

jillybean7582 · July 2013

I agree I would be mad too. PP's gave some good advice. Also, men can be really dense simetimes and the only thing that makes them understand is first hand experience. I would sugguest having him take the baby with him when he goes to hangout with his friend's a few times [even better if any of them have kids along too] then he can see what it is actually like when you hangout with you mommy friends. Maybe he will then realize its not exactly the relaxing break you need.

jessalynn521 · July 2013

I would just have an honest talk with him. Explain the things you are feeling and come to an option that works for both of you. The big part is sticking with it, so if you see your plans sliding mention it at the first sign and don't let it build up. Everyone deserves some "me" time.

sosoph · July 2013

In the months that I SAH, the deal is that my SAH is a 40-hr work week, just like his. Outside those hours it's shared parenting.
There is constant negotiating on our parts, and we try to look at a week at a time to tentatively say who gets down time when.

Joining a gym with childcare was one of the best things I have done. We both get a break during that time.

vic8504 · July 2013

I would be mad and would try talking to him to get him to understand better, hopefully you can get through to him.

DH and I deal with this all of the time. He still acts like he did before having a baby. He comes and goes as he pleases and then when he does stay home he ends up falling asleep in the chair at like 8pm so he might as well of gone out...

Good luck! I hope things start looking up and getting better for you!

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