Feeling blah

lefnc82 · July 2013

I seem to have gotten into a funk the past week and have been having trouble shaking it for more than a few hours at a time. We finally have started painting the nursery and I finally went with my mom yesterday and registered (that can be overwhelming!) and was hoping that would help get me out of the funk as we start to make progress towards being baby ready, but not so much.

I know that part of it is the financial aspect of baby is starting to really freak me (and DH) out. I am in no financial position to quit my job to be a SAHM as much as I would love to, but I'm not sure how we can afford daycare to be perfectly honest and it's freaking me out. We have been doing a lot of budget crunching and trying to figure out where we can trim edges but not much luck with it. DH has been looking for a new job and I plan to look for a better job while I'm on maternity leave (I'd been looking before but decided to stop once we were pregnant for insurance and FMLA reasons). I hate to say that we were not as financially ready for this as we should have been, but we just aren't, we've had a few unexpected expenses recently (such as me needing a new car). I know that somehow we will figure it all out and we will make it work, but until then it's just stressing me out! Thanks for listening ladies, I just needed a vent moment, DH feels bad when we talk finances b/c he feels like he can't support his family b/c I can't be a SAHM and it makes him sad, so I try not to show him that our finances bother us right now. Hope we can figure something out soon so I can snap out of my funk and enjoy the last few months of pregnancy!!

sooner1981 · July 2013

lefnc82:
DH feels bad when we talk finances b/c he feels like he can't support his family b/c I can't be a SAHM and it makes him sad, so I try not to show him that our finances bother us right now. Hope we can figure something out soon so I can snap out of my funk and enjoy the last few months of pregnancy!!

I am sorry you don't feel financially ready. I hope you can truthfully tell your husband that it is not his burden to ensure that you can have the luxury of staying at home to take care of your new baby any more than it is your burden to earn enough money so that he can give up his job and stay at home with the baby.

These days, most households take two incomes to ensure that all expenses (and responsible retirement planning, healthcare costs, etc.) are met. It is unrealistic for him to be ashamed or sad that he alone cannot bring home enough to satisfy your entire family's needs, especially when you are fully capable and able to earn a second paycheck.

I would advise you to start looking into creative childcare arrangements (maybe in home v. center day care, if you are worried about cost or alternative schedules, so that you and your husband can split watching your baby when the other is at work). Or just try to be happy and secure that you can bring in an income that will benefit your family for years to come and that your baby will get lots of opportunities to socialize and learn group skills at an earlier age. I hope you start feeling better soon!

Meeelinda · July 2013

I'm on the same boat as well. when I think of child care I wonder how are we going to do it. everything will fall I. place lets just enjoy our pregnancy when the time comes it will come

kellyk17 · July 2013

My DH and I talked about this a lot prepregnancy because he just finished grad school and is in an inbetween place. He is now working temp
jobs until the hiring season for his profession starts next February.

We have gotten rid of all possible extra expenses, saving like crazy and basically figured out a salary he must make or it wouldn't be worth it got him to work. My salary is about double his right now. I know this might be progressive for some people but why have one partner work if their salary doesn't pay or breaks even with daycare expenses? Even if it is the man?

It's going to be a tough road, but we gotta believe we can make this work! Sending you positive vibes!

LSP87 · July 2013

I know exactly what you mean! We're in the same uncertain and scary boat. I've had a difficult time really getting excited at times because I just keep going over the finances and regret that I can't stay home with him like both of our moms did with us. Daycare and a new car have added to our anxiety also..but I'm just thinking that this is where we're at for now. I have faith that we can get through this and our baby will actually benefit from daycare instead of me worrying that I'm a shittty mom because I have to work.

I'm not sure about your family situation, but I hope you have lots of support to get you through this. Either way, you can do it and your baby will let you know he or she appreciates every sacrifice you guys have made along the way..at least until puberty hits lol

Best of luck and lots of hugs!!

lefnc82 · July 2013

Thanks ladies, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who is concerned about finances. DH knows I don't expect him to be the head of household as it were, and we both know that being a SAHM is a luxury we can't afford at this. We've discussed him staying home while I work, since I have a M-F 9-5 kind of job, and he could get something in the evenings/weekends, but he's not sure he's up for being a SAHD! I know we will figure it out, and we do have good family and friend support locally so that helps a lot.

RedZee · July 2013

There's a saying that every baby comes with its own fortune.

With DD, I was pregnant while finishing my PhD thesis. Initially, I was sure that I'd find a job and she'd be born in January and I'd start work by the fall. We were able to afford the mortgage in the apt on DH's salary, but definitely no classes or daycare or whatever. Ultimately, I didn't find a job until DD was 18 months old and in a different field. It worked out well though because my job pays twice what I would have earned in my field and I'm really liking it (I've been there a year).

For this baby, we can afford daycare for both, but nothing else (meaning, no saving for a house). But that's if both kids are in full daycare. We'll just take things as they come and see what happens. Maybe there will be raises or promotions in our future. I'm worried about not having the same time I had home with DD, but we'll just see how it goes.

In terms of which parent stays home, I have no issues with dads staying home if it makes more financial sense for the family. The main thing about saying that an income doesn't cover the cost of daycare is that daycare only lasts 5 years. After that, you have to restart your career and that time out of the workforce can be hard.

There are plenty of working moms with happy children so don't beat yourself up either way. For us, daycare has been really, really great.

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