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tattooedmommy23
member
What should I do? Help please!
tattooedmommy23
member
So my husband and I have been married a lil over a year now and I have a 4yo daughter from a previous relationship. My daughter calls my dad and stepmom "granny" and "pepaw". Well just the other day my husband, daughter and myself went to their house along with my husbands parents and nephews for 4th of July. My husbands nephews have only met my dad and stepmom a couple of times and called them by their names. Well while we were at my dad and stepmoms house my MIL out of nowhere asks if my husbands nephews could call them "granny" and "pepaw" toowtf? Seriously!?. Today my MIL makes the comments "now it's not just k'smy daughter granny and pepaw, it's just granny and pepaw" and "it's like theyhusbands nephews just adopted them as their grandparents". My opinion and feelings about that is that there is NO reason whatsoever for them to be callin MY daughters grandparents that, I kinda feel like my daughter and myself are gettin disrespected in a way. They have no relation to them at all! Should I say something to my husband about this or just leave it alone and let it irritate the sht out of me? I don't know what to do!! Help please!
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Re: What should I do? Help please!
Seriously?
Look, I will be the first to say that my views on using familial titles can be a bit contradictory. But the basic premise is that there has to be an actual familial type relationship (relationship based on the title - so the stronger the title the stronger the relationship should be) between the two people to be throwing the names around.
So if there is a BM who is actively involved - SM does not get the title. But given the fact that grand parents do not parent children at all, you have more leeway as long as the adults have a longstanding relationship (ie interaction and affection). And since Aunts and Uncles are 50% married into a family to begin with, you can throw that title around even easier.
So yes, I do believe that your husband's niece and nephew do not get to call your parents by a grandparent title, given they have only met them ONCE and that there isnt a relationship there. But that is between YOUR PARENTS and THE CHILDREN, not you and not your MIL.
Therefore it is up to your Mom and Dad to address the children the next time they see them - if they ever see them - and for you and your DH to keep calling them (your parents) by the title or name they (your parents) want.
You BH your MIL.
But I cannot understand how this is disrespectful to YOU and YOUR DAUGHTER? Is it because its something your MIL instigated or is it really about your need to bogart the title? Because if its the first part, deal with your MIL head on please. But if its the second part, get over yourself.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
IMO it's weird for your MIL to be asking for her grand kids to call your dad and stepmom something different. Did I read that right?
If your family is okay with it, giving your parents a family name from your nephews might be a nice idea. At one point my cousins and I stopped calling each others grandparents Mrs. or Mr. and started calling them "Auntie B" and "Uncle M". It felt right that they have a family name based on our relationships and everyone really liked it.
While I don't think it's insulting, I do find it odd that she thinks this is okay. Granny and Pepaw are clearly grandparent nicknames.
I met and knew many of my cousin's grandparents and I would never dream of calling them a grandparent name. We were taught that was Gene. That was Faye. That was John. That was Mary. It's really is okay for children to call adults by the first name. They don't have to have nicknames for elders outside their family. And your nephews are not directly related to your parents. So there is no need for them to give them grandparent nicknames.
I get it. It would be weird for me too.
If you are not comfortable with it, tell her so. It's okay. There are polite ways to say, "I'm sorry, I don't know that I'm comfortable with that. I hope I don't sound silly, but it really is an immediate family and really personal family endearment to us. I'd really rather prefer they call my parents by their names. I hope you understand."
My experience is the complete opposite of this. In our family, it would never be acceptable to call a grown up by their first name. We always called even close family friends aunt or uncle when there was no blood relation. My niece, who is in no way related to my in laws, calls them grandma and grandpa too, just as my kids do. I call my sisters in laws ain't and uncle. They are obviously not, but I won't call them by their first name out of respect and Mr. and Mrs. Lastname is much too formal as we have a fairly close relationship. I think it was nice your MIL was being inclusive and in no way disrespectful to you or your daughter. I think you are just looking for something to be insulted about.
You are going to have to be very firm with your MIL. She sounds like she does not respect your position. Be sure to talk to your husband and let him know how you feel and make sure he backs you.
My mother is very outspoken and opinionated, but when it comes to us kids and her DIL's, she knows when to shut her mouth. Her motto at my brother's weddings: "wear beige and keep your mouth shut". Many MIL's don't get that philosophy at all and don't know how to sever the apron strings.
Better start nipping it now or it will be very hard to later.
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