Postpartum Depression
MissesRootbeer
member
Overwhelmed
MissesRootbeer
member
My baby girl was born at 33 weeks via emergency c-section. She's been in the nicu for just over 2 weeks now and I'm having a hard time dealing with this. I don't know if this is normal nicu/preemie feelings or if it's something that needs to be addressed. I became enraged with my 4 year old over something stupid today and snapped at her. I ended up taking her to grandma's for the night and now I'm up at 2:30 am feeling guilty. Both my kids aren't in my home and it's all my fault. My baby is alone and probably more familiar with the nurses than her own mother and my other daughter probably hates me now. I can't stand feeling like my family is scattered everywhere. I haven't had two seconds to process the birth yet my tummy is empty and I don't feel like a new mommy. I can't stand this. 
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Re: Overwhelmed
Hang in there
So hard for you right now. I understand how easily a person can get angry and just snap at someone for what later you realize is the silliest little thing. (I do it more often than I'd like to admit). You're obviously a great mother because if you weren't, you wouldn't have any guilt.
Your baby girl isn't alone and your 4 year old is with her grandma -- they're both with people who will look after them well. It's okay to need time to process all that's going on. I know you want your family all in one place, and that will come soon, I'm sure. For now, remember to care for yourself and relax.
and your baby knows you well -- remember, she's been with them for 2 weeks and with you for much longer. Hope your day gets easier 
PS Your 4YO will always love you
I have been there! literally! my oldest was 3.5 when my second girl was born, at 36 weeks, and stayed in the NICU for days. IT IS HARD. moms of preemies (especially C-section) are more prone to PPD, but right now it's probably a bit early for that dianosis. I would say this is "mommy missing her baby" blues. It's COMPLETELY OK and normal to snap once in a while. Good for you for knowing to send your LO to grandma's (she'll be spoiled there and forget you yelled)
Be strong! Take care of your body and rest and pump (if you are) and heal up! Preemie will be home soon and you'll miss those nurses taking care of her!
PERK: you may not realize, but the NICU will get her onto a feeding schedule for you. if you stick to the feeding times, things are pretty easy from there. It was actually a HUGE blessing for me. pumping every 3 hours, she ate 3,6,9,12, etc.. it was really great. NICU babies are really good babies too imo.
I think there is absolutly nothing wrong with sending your oldest to grandma's house. Your situation is hard, and you need a break. You have to take care of yourself too. Take some melatonin and go to sleep.
I sent my oldest to my mom's house for a week this summer just for fun. It was great, and if I get overwhelmed with my depression, she goes there too. She thinks it is so much fun. My mom is only 47, so she takes her to the pool and the river. My youngest sister is 12, and they are best friends. Grandma's house is perfect for this situtation. Tell the guilt moster to go away, and go to bed.