Paranoid or creepy?

Nechie122 · July 2013

So DD has a teacher at daycare who seems strangely attached to her. The issues started last year when it was time for DD to move up to the next room, and the teacher tried to intervene with the director to keep her in her own room longer. I raised my concerns, and the director just sort of waved it off apologetically and told me that DD is this teacher's "favorite."

Fast forward six months. DD has been in her new class since January but there have been a number of occasions where I'll come for pick up and DD and this teacher will be off in the enrichment room or the office playing together, just the two of them. She'll say something like, "Oh, I just needed my daily fix of cuddles from her!"

For whatever reason, it's setting off alarm bells for me. But I'd love to hear that I'm overreacting! DH agrees that it's weird but doesn't seem as creeped out by it.

XCrissCrossX · July 2013

I'd find that incredibly creepy. But I was raised in a paranoid, "trust no one!" home. I'd make sure they'd never been alone and ask that 1:1 playtime stop. (and by ask, I mean make sure the director understands that it's never to happen again)

groovygrl · July 2013

Assuming that your LO's normal teacher is still there and so are other kids in LOs class (like you're not the last one to pick up & so old teacher is playing w/ her b/c everyone else in the class is gone), I would also find that very odd, esp that they are in a different room than the class. Where is her class? Is this after her work hours are ended & she is sticking around and playing w/ your LO in a separate area, not even in her own classroom? I don't tend to get overly paranoid but purely based on this description, I do think it is odd. I'd talk to the director also.

Amymichelle925 · July 2013

Do they have cameras? Can you ask to see a play back? The part that creeps me out is the playing alone with her part. How does you daughter feel about the teacher? What does she say?

One of my sons previous teachers became really attached to him and he was to her too. Almost a year later she still pops into his classroom from time to time (maybe twice a month), gives him a high-five asks him how he is and then leaves....that seems normal to me....anything too much more than that would not seem normal.

Nechie122 · July 2013

groovygrl:
Assuming that your LO's normal teacher is still there and so are other kids in LOs class like you're not the last one to pick up amp; so old teacher is playing w/ her b/c everyone else in the class is gone, I would also find that very odd, esp that they are in a different room than the class. Where is her class? Is this after her work hours are ended amp; she is sticking around and playing w/ your LO in a separate area, not even in her own classroom? I don't tend to get overly paranoid but purely based on this description, I do think it is odd. I'd talk to the director also.

It'll be late in the day ... so her teachers might have left but there will be a floater in the classroom.

Ugh. I guess I need to say something. I'm just not sure what to say without seeming like a crazy woman.

Veittobe · July 2013

I think it's a little strange too. Most likely it's very innocent. However, if it is setting off Mommy alarm bells (and it would for me too) I would definitely say something to director and insist that the "just the two of them" times stop immediately. I would be fine with the teacher joining the room full of kids and other teacher. But removing her into a different room on her own would not be acceptable. Good luck! Let us know what you decide to do.

boogerbearoriginal · July 2013

The part that is alarming is that the teacher is taking her off to a separate area to play alone. That is not normal behavior, and I would have a serious discussion with the director about it.

Even if it's purely innocent, I'd rather come off as paranoid than not do something to protect my child.

aeh72 · July 2013

I agree that this is odd behavior and I'd ask the teacher or director to stop pulling your LO away to play privately. Aside from your mommy instincts about the teacher, I also would not want my child to think it's okay for adults to do that because God forbid, what if someone they know and trust did have bad intentions. Maybe play that angle if you say something about it. That you want to make sure LO doesn't get confused by something that would not be okay in a different setting.

st.augbride · July 2013

That's very bizarre and definitely would make me feel uncomfortable. I would intervene and put a stop to that. Better safe than sorry.

Nechie122 · July 2013

Amymichelle925:
Do they have cameras?nbsp; Can you ask to see a play back?nbsp; The part that creeps me out is the playing alone with her part.nbsp;How does younbsp;daughter feel about thenbsp;teacher?nbsp; What does she say?nbsp;One of my sons previous teachers became really attached to him and he was to her too.nbsp; Almost a year later she still pops into his classroom from time to time maybe twice a month, gives him a highfive asks him how he is and then leaves....that seems normal to me....anything too much more than that would not seem normal.

They do have cameras but you have to pay extra for access and I don't. My DD is 2, so I can't really ask her about it.

Thanks, everyone, for the gut check. I don't think anything untoward is happening when they're hanging out in the director's office ... but it bothers me that this teacher seems to be singling her out. It's just like ... why my kid? And then my imagination runs away with me.

But I'm also glad to hear that it's not totally uncommon for teachers to have "favorites." I'll keep a note of when it happens again and then talk to the director.

hero · July 2013

Don't wait until next time. I think it's pretty weird that she is allowed to take your dd away from the classroom and have one-one time alone. I had favorites when I worked in preschools but I would have never stalked bothered them in their classroom after they left mine. I said hi on the playground, maybe gave them a hug but never anything that would freak out a parent. If I found out a teacher that was taking ds away to have one-one time without anyone else present, I would be pretty upset.

ali0608 · July 2013

aeh72:
I agree that this is odd behavior and I'd ask the teacher or director to stop pulling your LO away to play privately. Aside from your mommy instincts about the teacher, I also would not want my child to think it's okay for adults to do that because God forbid, what if someone they know and trust did have bad intentions. Maybe play that angle if you say something about it. That you want to make sure LO doesn't get confused by something that would not be okay in a different setting.

It is definitely creepy. I'm not good with confrontations either, but I don't think any kid should be pulled aside for one-on-one time in a daycare center unless they are the last kid there. The director needs to know you don't approve. I also think the above quote is a good point as well. Even if nothing bad is going on, you want to teach your DD that adults should not pull them out privately. That's not normal.

*sparky* · July 2013

Booger+Bear:
The part that is alarming is that the teacher is taking her off to a separate area to play alone. That is not normal behavior, and I would have a serious discussion with the director about it.
Even if it's purely innocent, I'd rather come off as paranoid than not do something to protect my child.

ITA. What a PP described of popping into another classroom to say hi to a child who used to be in their class is fine - this seems really odd to me though and I am surprised the DC allows it. Definitely speak up!

EastCoastBride · July 2013

I'm actually bothered by the fact that she tried to keep her back. As a teacher even of young kids she should be supporting your DD moving when it's the right time. Not because of the teachers feelings.

Veittobe · July 2013

I wouldn't wait until it happens again to say something to the director. I'd bring it up right away. You may not know if it's happening at other times of the day when you are not picking her up. I'd say something Monday if it were me.

Nechie122 · July 2013

EastCoastBride:
I'm actually bothered by the fact that she tried to keep her back. As a teacher even of young kids she should be supporting your DD moving when it's the right time. Not because of the teachers feelings.

Yes, thanks, I was pretty angry at the time. Her BS excuse was that DD is on the small side and would get lost in the older room. I know DD is 20 lbs. on a good day, but she's no pushover; and it wasn't like it was a question of meeting milestones. I was mostly annoyed that she went over my head and took it upon herself to launch this campaign when it should have been for me and DH to decide.

Thanks again, everyone. I will talk to the director. Because now I'm even more concerned than before.

Iblamethebeer · July 2013

*sparky*:
Booger+Bear:
The part that is alarming is that the teacher is taking her off to a separate area to play alone. That is not normal behavior, and I would have a serious discussion with the director about it.
Even if it's purely innocent, I'd rather come off as paranoid than not do something to protect my child.
ITA. What a PP described of popping into another classroom to say hi to a child who used to be in their class is fine - this seems really odd to me though and I am surprised the DC allows it. Definitely speak up!

All of this. At our DC, a teacher might take one special helper with them on, like, a walk down the hall to get more paint, but not alone in a room.....

iverske9 · July 2013

I think instinct and gut feelings are there for a reason, follow them.

AZ123 · July 2013

I personally would ask the director or your DD's current teacher (not the favorite teacher) why DD isn't staying with the class. At our daycare, a child gets 1:1 with certain teachers or the director if they misbehave and are disruptive to class. They also get pulled out if they are overly tired or not feeling well to get special attention. I would just ask the "why"" before jumping to any conclusion.

hopefulmom81 · July 2013

SUPER creepy. I don't like that at all. The worst part is the two of them playing together away from everyone else. Unacceptable and creepy.

Pips09 · July 2013

Really creepy, and I would be talking to the director about it.

babymama619 · July 2013

I've watched kids for years and I'm a teacher. This is creepy. Speak up and put an end to this!

JWSchwarz · July 2013

I would innocently ask the regular teacher about it...just to get an idea of when and how frequent it is, and what triggers it. Like if they ask her to help in the room or if she just shows up. I'm guessing her regular teacher thinks it's weird too but just hasn't spoken up about it. Ask them to let you know when it is happening, too. That way, you won't end up in a hesaidshesaid with the director and you'll have more witnesses. After you find out those facts, talk to the director. Send a casual follow up email so you have it documented and they'll be forced to take you more seriously, if you feel like they don't.
Also, i read yesterday that sexual abuse frequently begins at around age 3. That shocked me. Don't fall into the "not my kid" mindset or you are an enabler to let abuse happen. It sounds like you have some red flags, so pay attention to that. Mothers intuition is rarely wrong.

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