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August 2012 Moms
smile50208
member
Am I being to sensitive?
smile50208
member
So I need some opinions, obviously DH and I are biased. This is kinda long.
My mom watches DS during the day. It was 3 days a week now it is 2 days a week as he is more mobile and she can't keep up with him.
We are going to Vegas for 5 days. I asked her to babysit 2.5 days and my IL to do 2.5 days. I said to my mom that I don't think she could handle DS for 5 days straight. By this point, he'll be over 1 year and most likely walking/running everywhere. Well she heard this as she isn't capable to watch him for 5 days. I see a distinct difference in the two words.
My ILs can't/won't watch him those 2.5 days so I asked my mom to do the whole time. She freaked out on me and said no. That is how the capable bit came to my attention as I had no idea. The conversation ended with, your son is a brat, especially when he is around you. But she would watch him the full 5 days.
As I think of the conversation, I am very offended, hurt that she called my DS a brat. I felt she was saying I am a bad mom, that is why he misbehaves. Sorry,but I won't smack him when he does something wrong. (Which is what she was doing until I found out and put a stop to that)
This was all on Tuesday(?). Yesterday we went to a picnic at my brothers. I was cold/distant with my mom and I watched her with my DS. She pushes me out of the way and does what she wants with him. So how am I supposed to parent my child when she does what she wants! I'm tired of the excuse, I am a grandparent, it is my job. My DH also overheard her saying some not nice things about my parenting to her friends at the picnic. I don't even want to tell you how many times I heard "well I did x with you and your brother and you turned out ok." (btw - I HATE that line)
I am trying to figure out what to do next. I want to say something to her about her doing what she wants, even when I say no (for example - previous post about peanut butter). But first, do you think I am being over sensitive about the brat comment and her other comments?
I am very tempted to cancel my trip to Vegas and stay home. DH and I spoke of this option last night and he is ok with me not going. He would have to go alone as he is competing in a pool tournament.
If I knew how to do a gif - i'd put in some sort of treat for you for reading this whole thing.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Am I being to sensitive?
You're not too sensitive and I'd cancel my trip or find someone else to watch him. I'm sorry, whether it's my mom or the teenager down the street, this is my kid and you're going to follow whatever routine/rules we have for him. We're his parents and if you can't respect that, then you don't need to take care of him.
I feel like if you do leave him with her, you'll just be worried the entire 5 days about what he's doing, what she's doing, etc. and it'll just make the trip miserable for you anyways.
I would sit her down and let her know that the way she is behaving is unacceptable and she won't be able to watch him until she understands what you do/do not want done. Hitting my child would be absolutely unacceptable.
SCANDAL!
You are not being too sensitive, and I think it was really shiity of your mom to call your DS a brat. Um, 11 month olds don't "behave" and she's obviously forgotten that.
With that said though, if you are getting childcare from a family member (and I am assuming it is free childcare), I think you'll have to put up with some of this. I'd suggest having a talk with her about how her actions hurt your feelings, and that you need her to follow your parenting rules, but you also need to have backup childcare ready in case she blows you off. If it were me, there is no way I'd put up with that BS. I'd rather pay for childcare.
She was talking to her friends about your parenting?! That is just unreal. How unbelievably disrespectful.
DH and I married 8 years. Mom of three, stepmom of one.
DH and I married 8 years. Mom of three, stepmom of one.
She's wrong. You're not wrong. Your DS is too young to be a brat. If she thinks he needs to be smacked at this age I certainly wouldn't be leaving him with her. EVER.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
We have a similar situation going on re: the capable part. MIL has taken off 6 days to watch DS when we (hopefully) go to Puerto Rico in October. She has a bad back (we have a 3 story house) and smokes (never in the house) so she gets sick a lot. We're worried that she might get sick and we have to cancel our plans or she might hurt her back trying to keep up with DS.
To make things a little easier she's going to come stay up here and he'll go to daycare for the weekdays. I tried to convince her to let my mom take a couple of the weekdays (when he's be in DC - she's not in good health, either), but she didn't take me up on it. We don't want to hurt her feelings but we're a little worried. She's an awesome grandma and loves DS to death, but I really hope FIL comes, too, to help out.
Anyway...good luck and I hope it works out. Can you take LO with you, maybe? I know it wouldn't be quite as relaxing. Is there anyone else you can fly out to help you a little?
We are having an issue with DS wanting to play with the dog's food and water bowl. I mean, what 11 month old doesn't want to play with a bowl of water on the floor that he can easily crawl over to? So she started to smack his hand when he goes to play in the water. I immediately thought of that Michelle Duggar discussion with the blanket when I heard this. I told her not to do that so I hope she has stopped. (She said she has)
Not to sound selfish, but I don't want to be stuck in my hotel room at 7pm every night either. So I just spoke to the hotel in Vegas. They recommend a babysitting service for their guests. (any experience with this?) So I am going to give them a call later today to see what they have to offer. It would be an easy job for them - DS will be sound asleep the whole time they are there. Hopefully. This weekend I will be on a quest to find out about flying with him, etc. I just need to get all my ducks in a row. Plus my parents were going to watch my dog. May need to find a backup for him as well.
ETA: Thank you everyone for your advice/support. I needed some unbiased ears on this one.
Agreed!
Good luck with the sitter search!
If you don't like the quality of your free childcare, then yes, you should find something else. Grandparenting and being a child care provider are two different things. You've posted before about issues with your mom, so it's probably time to move on.
But, if you told me I couldn't handle xyz, then were in a bind and asked me to do it anyway, for free ... well, I'd probably say no, too, regardless of the other issues.