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Working Moms
ReeB83
member
A Big Brown Smudge On My Day
ReeB83
member
in Working Moms
I am under a lot of pressure to PT.
I am on summer vacation and I have to return to work in six weeks. DS will be 4 in the fall and I want to enroll him in preschool or headstart or something better than "Daddy's Friend's House of Cartoons and Cheetos". Everybody and their Mama is telling me stories about how their LOs were fully trained at 3 years, 2 years, 15 months!
So I counted today as a victory.
We started out rocky: DS waited until after he had been sitting on the potty for 20 minutes to obliterate his pull up and I withheld his reward. Then we went out visiting for the fourth and anytime he ate, drank or even jumped too high I took him right to the bathroom, resulting in his Bat Signal (the indicator on his pull ups) to stay put all day. When we got home, he sat on the toilet and went #1 and #2. I felt like I won the Superbowl and he finally got his treat.
Then it was bath time. He started panicking 5 minutes in and asking to get out....NOW. I got him out and started cleaning up his tub toys and there it was. Poop. Lots of it.
I cried and DS immediately started apologizing. I'm still crying.
What am I doing wrong? I can't help but to think that this is all my fault. All those nights of staying up finishing my work should have been devoted to making sure he was on the potty consistently. I should have made sure I could afford a good enough babysitter that would follow through on training him while I was at work.
And now here I am, cleaning the logs of an almost 4 year old boy out of my tub.
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Re: A Big Brown Smudge On My Day
So sorry, I totally feel you, go over and check out my post from preschool last week about the exact same thing for maybe some ideas...it is called something like if your Ds resisted pt ing close to age 4... Less than halfway down the page right now.
though there are day cares without strict potty training rules too, you know! Ours does not have them, thank god! Good luck!
I'm so sorry
Don't listen to parents who talk about their PT skills. Kids are just different. Early PT isn't about great parenting it's about willing kids. DD was fully trained by the time she was DS's current age. I did all the same "potty readiness" stuff with him and he won't even sit on it, ever.
Have you talked to pedi, though? B/c I've heard that often really late pt-ers have easy-to-fix GI issues that are interfering with their ability to tell when they need to go or to hold it when they do go.
Totally agree w/ all of this--- a part of my DS's problem is probably that he has always had hard stools...even though he usually goes every day and has little straining, it probably makes it less comfortable so I'm pushing fruit, water, using probiotics & also some miralax to try to help.
And on the note of kids being different--- so very true, like everything in parenting, try not to compare your kid to others... I have twins who are b/g. The girl came home from daycare when she was 2 1/2, said she wanted to wear underwear like the other girls, we went & picked it out, started using it and she was PTed for day in under 2 weeks and at night within 2 weeks after that (I didn't 'do' anything for night like withholding fluids or taking her to the bathroom at 10 pm or any of that stuff, she just kept waking up dry). We let him pick out some the same day, he had fun picking it but zero interest in actually using it until after age 3.
So,her brother is edging up on 4, has been pee trained for months, the poop is the big resistance. He hates going on the potty or is trying to control the situation or whatever it is..but just totally different about it I'm not even going to worry about night issues w/ him for who knows how long (I have friends who are trying all sorts of things to 'night train' kids under 4 and I just don't get the big deal but that's just me).
So, just to add on to my other post & agree w/ pp
.
Hugs to you... I agree with others, don't listen to the "oh, my kid was PT'd at like 6 months"... every kid is different.
I feel like I can't take any credit for PTing my kid. Like a PP said, she basically woke up one day around 2 1/2 and decided to wear underwear. One thing that did help, though, was that she is very allergic to pull-ups. We had to wear them twice in a pinch (long car rides in heavy traffic with no where to pull over and even use the potty seat), and she got horrible blisters on her bum each time. So since she was in cotton training pants, she HATED the feeling when she got wet. She only had a couple of pee accidents.
Poop was difficult. She resisted until I found the right reward. Dum dums. Seriously. I have no idea why they were so awesome to her, but that's what worked, and she ONLY got one after she pooped.
It sounds like you're doing everything right. My friend's DS was over 4 when he finally PT'd for poop. He was having accidents all the time, nothing physically wrong. He did it when he was ready...
Good luck!!!
PTing is so hard. It is one of those things, like sleep, where you really have virtually no control. You can set the stage and provide the right environment for it to happen, but it won't happen until the kid is ready and decides to do it. So definitely let go of the guilt, as hard as that is. You will have successes and failures, again and again and again. This too shall pass...
I agree re: constipation issues, as this has been an ongoing problem for my DD. Miralax works wonders (talk to your pedi first, of course). A book that helped me when we were going through PTing struggles with DD was called "That's How I Roll." It was a funny no-nonsense approach that advocates ditching pull-ups and going to undies. I followed her approach to the letter and it worked for DD, even though I didn't think it would. Of course, I think what that really means is that the timing was right and she was more ready than I realized and needed a push.
Here's a link to the book. Hang in there!
https://www.amazon.com/Thats-hilarious-proof-potty-training/dp/0615605133/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1373037611&sr=8-1&keywords=this+is+how+I+roll
First of all, you didn't do anything wrong. And don't cry. This is an easy fix and in six months from now, you won't even remember it.
Don't worry about the tub incident. The warm bath can result in relaxation for any kid, even the potty trained ones. The important point is that he knew it was happening and wanted to get out and take care of it. There is no way to guarantee this wouldn't have happened even if he was potty trained completely.
Sounds like he knows what to do but needs to be given a bit more responsibility. My suggestion might be a messy one, and maybe not a popular one, but I would ditch the pull ups. Plan to stay around the house a couple of days in nothing but big boy underpants. And here is where I might be the minority voice, but don't bring him to the potty. Don't tell him to go to the potty. Seriously, tell him that he needs to tell you when he has to go. Keep reminding him that he needs to tell you when he has to go. Yes, there will be messes. But based on his behavior in the tub, he will not like it. I bet he just needs to learn to monitor for the sensation and learn what it is like to have a bit of control in the situation. And when he does go in the potty, celebrate like crazy. Make him feel proud and accomplished. When he does have an accident, don't overreact. Help him clean up and remind him that he needs to go in the potty.
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