So wishy-washy
BlindysWife
member
C/S with DS due to FTP.
Right away, I knew I wanted a vbac. My husband is totally in agreement. I've read stories and researched and have been passionate about VBACing for so long.
...And now that this delivery is getting closer, I'm starting to be wishy washy. I'm getting terrified of delivery. Or that the same thing is going to happen again. Somehow, I am more scared of delivery this time than I was the first time!
I also have GD this time, which has my OBs making some demands as far as how far over due I can go, etc. Also, my OBs won't induce a vbac, so I have to go into labor on my own (which I did last time, at 40w5d).
I find myself secretly hoping that they'll tell me there is some reason to do a repeat section, like baby is breech, etc. UGH. I know deep down that's not really want I want, but what is wrong with me!? Why am I being such a chickenshit? Any other vbac cheerleaders waver in your decision toward the end?
I just want to give you a world as beautiful as you are to me.
Re: So wishy-washy
Your feelings are SO normal! I felt the exact same way! The unknown of delivery was so much more scary than just opting for another CS
I started second guessing myself when my daughter was late (41wks) and we had to schedule my CS for the following week. You kind of have to get in the mindset that it won't work out, so the actual CS won't be as disappointing.
BUT, I have to say, delivery was out of this world! I thought it was one of the most amazing things to ever go through despite the pain (which quickly resides as soon as that LO is in your arms)! It is SO beautiful!
I had second thoughts - it would have been nice to have a date planned so I could have made plans for DS. I just kept reminding myself how much I didn't want to be recovering from surgery and chasing a toddler. I also was afraid of going through the same thing that happened with DS - laboring forever, then getting stuck. I think what you're feeling is pretty normal.
This is how I was too but I just made a pro/con list and ultimately knew we wanted 3 maybe 4 kids so that really pushed me more twd vbac. Don't be scared and know a CS can happen to anyone at the last minute but I at least wanted to try and was happy the vbac worked out! Now 2 and a half years later I am going for #3 in a few weeks and feel so good to know I can hopefully have another vaginal birth! Good luck!
Instead of feeling wishy-washy--just think of it as being prepared for whatever comes. I just had my CS scheduled for the 16th and maybe something will happen before then--maybe not. I'm just going to roll with and be happy to have my baby however he gets here. There's enough pressure coming with raising a kid and daily life in general--there's no reason to stress yourself out about something that in the end, you can't really control. There is no perfect delivery and perfect decision and perfect mom.
I decided to go ahead and schedule the SC around the due date because I've never actually gone into labor on my own--always pit with every one of my three kids (even the one that ended in CS this last time) knowing they won't induce and for good reason, I'm just going to hope my water breaks as that is usually the only thing that happens with me, get the low level of pit that is allowed, give it a whirl and hope for vaginal delivery. If the low level pit doesn't work or the 16th rolls around and little man is still inside, I'll head off for surgery again and not be disappointed--I'll have had a baby! What's the disappoint in that?
:-)