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16yo SD and a new baby

TattooedandCraftyTattooedandCrafty
in Blended Families

DH and I are going down the path (in quiet) of IUI to concieve a child together. His is already 16, mine is 4.5.  16 yo SD has had hellatious issues in the last 4 years with running away, sneaking out, smoking, dating 21+ year olds, drug abuse, suicide attempts, medication abuse.  You pretty much name it; it's an issue.

She lives FT with her BM, and sees us EOW.  She's done/said some really horrible things that he and I are still really having trouble coming to grips and move forward with. At one point, SD and I were actually growing pretty close and really bonding, but something innane happened and she completely turned away from me, and her father.  It was unspeakably hurtful.

Now that we're going to be trying for a baby (and, admitedly, COUNTING the days for the next 15 months until she turnes 18), I'm really worried that once she finds out, sh*t is really going to hit the fan.  We have been transparent about wanting to have a child together, but rarely talk about any details in front of the kids.

Does anyone have any advise for me?  Should I just shut my mouth until I start showing?

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Re: 16yo SD and a new baby

  • dannie2011dannie2011 member

    I would not say anything until you actually get pregnant, as it can take awhile. I hope not but anything can happen. When you are ready to tell everyone else then go ahead and tell her, it might be hard no matter when you tell her. The longer she has to process it before the baby is born the better.

    With all her problems is she in therapy, that would be a resource to help you tell her?

     Good luck!


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  • TattooedandCraftyTattooedandCrafty

    She's in therapy 1 time a week, and drug counseling another day per week.  My DH even goes to family counseling 2xs per month with her. 

    I'm desperate to hope that she won't completely lose control once we do get pregnant.....

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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    You can't do anything until you are PG and then deal with issues as you can. I went through exactly this when my SD was 17. Well actually problems at 17 and DS born when she was 16. I know how hard it is. Just try to keep in mind that this is still his DD and that while it is really hard for us as SMs to forgive that is still his child. Good luck.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • MrsHetzelMrsHetzel member
    I agree with PPs that you can't put your life on hold because of her behavior, however be sensitive to her feelings and her position in your lives bc she is DH's child and that doesn't change. I wish you the best!
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