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MrsHetzel
member
Food Question long, sorry!
MrsHetzel
member
My SD, 10, eats nothing. BM has set the precedent that as long as SD cries, she's never been forced to eat anything she didn't want to and now that it's been 10 years, she's set in her ways. Her diet consists of McDonalds, Chinese food, Ramen noodles, Easy Mac, lunchables, and anything else that comes in a processed plastic cup that you add water to and throw in the microwave.
DH is partially to blame bc he hates vegetables, and MIL can't cook to save her life, so DH was never exposed to good hearty italian food until he met me. We try, on our days, to feed SD a slightly more balanced diet but literally we have had grudge matches to the death to get her to try a vegetable. And BM's response when we said "she's mad at us for trying to get her to try broccoli" was "aw my poor thing."
On top of that, SD plays premiere D1 soccer, basketball, and lacrosse. She's allowed to stay up till 1011pm, on school nights, with BM, and she's not only exhausted and hungry all the time bc she doesn't have any nutritious food in her diet, she's going threw a growth spirt, going to be hitting puberty soon, and NEEDS more nutrition to keep her keeping up with her active schedule.
My question finally, thank you for bearing with me, is: she comes to my house, looks at the granola bars, fruits, cookies chocolate with peanut butter which she won't eat bc she's allergic to tree nuts, NOT peanuts but still won't even try peanut anything, all manner of snacks that she won't touch because they're not all crap. All she wants is bags of chips and funions, Oreo cookies, or God forbid I make her eggs and toast for breakfast. She rather I run out to dunkin donuts coz that's what she gets at BM's house. So now I feel like she's hungry at my house all the time coz she won't try anything!! And I'm not wasting my money on lots of crappy snacks just coz that's all she'll eat. There's always cookies or some kind of chocolate in my house, DH and I are both chocoholics but I'm not gonna load up on the rest of it... Anyone else struggle with this? It's gotten to the point where I'll grill steak, and potatoes, make some green beans with butter, broccoli and cheese, and make homemade rolls, along with a salad, and all she'll eat is steak. Nothing else. Then she'll be hungry 10 minutes later and want a crappy snack. Or I'll make a homemade sauce for chicken Parmesan with spaghetti and she'll eat plain chicken cutlets with nothing on it and plain pasta with butter rather than sauce. I feel so sad for her, like she's missing out on so much in life by denying herself these fun, enriching foods!! And I can't do anything about it coz she's so spoiled at home, and so set in her ways, she would rather scream and starve for the night then try anything... Help?
DH is partially to blame bc he hates vegetables, and MIL can't cook to save her life, so DH was never exposed to good hearty italian food until he met me. We try, on our days, to feed SD a slightly more balanced diet but literally we have had grudge matches to the death to get her to try a vegetable. And BM's response when we said "she's mad at us for trying to get her to try broccoli" was "aw my poor thing."
On top of that, SD plays premiere D1 soccer, basketball, and lacrosse. She's allowed to stay up till 1011pm, on school nights, with BM, and she's not only exhausted and hungry all the time bc she doesn't have any nutritious food in her diet, she's going threw a growth spirt, going to be hitting puberty soon, and NEEDS more nutrition to keep her keeping up with her active schedule.
My question finally, thank you for bearing with me, is: she comes to my house, looks at the granola bars, fruits, cookies chocolate with peanut butter which she won't eat bc she's allergic to tree nuts, NOT peanuts but still won't even try peanut anything, all manner of snacks that she won't touch because they're not all crap. All she wants is bags of chips and funions, Oreo cookies, or God forbid I make her eggs and toast for breakfast. She rather I run out to dunkin donuts coz that's what she gets at BM's house. So now I feel like she's hungry at my house all the time coz she won't try anything!! And I'm not wasting my money on lots of crappy snacks just coz that's all she'll eat. There's always cookies or some kind of chocolate in my house, DH and I are both chocoholics but I'm not gonna load up on the rest of it... Anyone else struggle with this? It's gotten to the point where I'll grill steak, and potatoes, make some green beans with butter, broccoli and cheese, and make homemade rolls, along with a salad, and all she'll eat is steak. Nothing else. Then she'll be hungry 10 minutes later and want a crappy snack. Or I'll make a homemade sauce for chicken Parmesan with spaghetti and she'll eat plain chicken cutlets with nothing on it and plain pasta with butter rather than sauce. I feel so sad for her, like she's missing out on so much in life by denying herself these fun, enriching foods!! And I can't do anything about it coz she's so spoiled at home, and so set in her ways, she would rather scream and starve for the night then try anything... Help?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Food Question long, sorry!
Would she cook with you? Sometimes if I make something I think DS might object to I will have him help me.
What about making food at home that mimics the crap she's used to? I don't buy lunchables, but I'll use whole wheat crackers and fresh turkey or ham and cheese from the deli to let the kids make their own. I won't go to McDonalds and get them chicken nuggets, but I'll use a chicken breast and panko and bake some at home. The kids 'make' their own sauces and love it. Last night I made a baked mac & cheese with reduced fat cheese and broccoli. Once a month or so we make authentic Roman carbonara with eggs and pecorino (though we use pancetta). The kids love it, but the first time we made it we had to tell them it was just like mac & cheese!
I wouldn't give in on this. I would not make special trips out to buy fast food, I would not keep a bunch of crappy food in my house. But I don't see anything wrong with trying to draw her over to the dark side by compromising your menu every now and then. Once you can show her how much better home cooked stuff taste (and how much better she feels after) maybe her palate will change a bit.
If none of that works, I might also try trading her three meals (she has to try at least two bites of everything on the plate) in exchange for the family going out for Chinese the fourth meal.
Personally I do not think her wanting her hockey plain when you want to make her a chicken parm is a big deal.
I do think it is not good if all she eats in processed foods but if you guys basically only have her EOW then it is a losing battle. Try to have her pick out some healthy food and shop with you. Let her pick a Lunchable for lunch but she has to have healthier food for breakfast and dinner. Let her choose her own fruit even if at first you only get her to eat apples. And I do not think forcing someone to eat sets any better example than letting them eat crap.
If she is only with them on weekends she can get trough with barely eating and then eating with her Mom the rest of the time so I don't think that is a total solution.
I have tried to go down this avenue for sure but she has zero interest in cooking anything. And it's definitely me and DH's fault but we've coddled her so much that she doesn't even do things like toast her own waffles or pour her own water, even though at 10 you'd think that's doable but she's always been so spoiled when she's here that she expects us to wait on her hand and foot, we've finally been addressing this issue. anyway, So her being set in her ways is as much our own fault too and though I've been trying since she was 5 to get her to try different foods, after meeting constant resistance it's worn me down. But now like I said she's definitely going through a growth spurt, and she's so active on high demanding teams and all I hear all day long is "I'm hungry," like her body is running on fumes so to speak. And I feel like I'm doing her a disservice by saying ok just eat a second cup of easy Mac. Sure that'll get rid of her hunger but its not going to keep her satisfied very long, right?
And I won't even go into when my son is old enough to realize he has to eat his veggies with his dinner but his big sister gets a free pass? I'll tackle that battle when I come to it I suppose.
She's with us 34 days a week.
Also, as another poster said, bake some homemade Mac n cheese and chicken nuggets, or whatever other unhealthy food she likes that can have a healthy alternative.
Are you making a big deal out of this in front of her? Has she heard you and DH talking about how all she eats is crap at her moms and she needs to eat healthy at your house? Are you showing your frustration when she refuses food? Because if you answer any of those questions with a yes then it is only going to make her dig her heals in more. These things are often a power struggle.
I've tried the homemade Mac and cheese. Won't even go near it. And I use velveeta cheese in it - that comes out of the box! Still no.
We don't talk about it in front of SD. We never ever bad mouth BM in front of SD, and believe me, me and BM are very different parents and I strongly dislike most of her choices. But DH and I always bite our tongues. Sometimes when SD says "there's nothing to eat" I have found myself, when my hormones have taken over my last nerve, impatiently saying "it's not my fault you don't eat anything." But I'm not implying its BMs fault, I'm saying when I offer you 8 options and you say no I don't like x,y,z. And I say have you ever tried x? And she says no. I say then how do you know you don't like it?! But she still won't deign to try anything. I have to make the same argument with DH sometimes coz he was never exposed to a wide variety growing up either... But you're right, I need to stop letting my frustration show even a little bit.
I grew up with this, my mother did it and that's how I grew to like all kinds of foods and veggies and that's how I assume all kids grow to like veggies. Right? Consistent exposure. Preparing them different ways, trying to peak kids interest and eventually they come to like veggies! Or so that's the hope. But this absolutely will not work with SD. I generally don't ever make something I know she won't eat any of, like god forbid a casserole!, when she's here for dinner. I'll always make a meat and potato she'll eat but then there are the veggies... And I plan with my son to do the saving his dinner for when he wants a snack move, but for SD I just can't do it. She just won't have a snack then. She'll go to bed hungry. Or worse, she'll go home to BM hungry. But she doesn't even get phased by it really. She might whine sometimes but most of the time she's just like ok whatever and is still pleasant. Coz she knows that she just has to wait us out and when she goes back to BM's house she can gorge on whatever. Or, in the occasional situation, where DH caves and lets her snack coz he's a big softy.
I'm just out of ideas and wish I could do better for her because even her pediatrician said last summer, it's time to start trying some healthier food. And it feels like I'm the only one who's trying to make that happen and it's a losing battle.
Huh?
I think she measn 3-4 days a week.
OP I think PPs have great advice. She eats what you make (or in the case of the chicken parm, having no sauce would be fine with me) or she doesn't eat. No snacks. No nibbles of anything else. How long have you guys been getting her regularly? It may take a while but she will get it eventually.
We have this same issue with K. When she's with BM all she eats is McDonald's, Jack in The Box, Taco Bell, etc. My husband and I love to cook and we rarely go out to eat. K would throw a fit and refuse to eat what we made because she wanted chicken nuggets, or a cheeseburger or french fries. We never gave in. Even at the age of 5, K would refuse to eat and would basically starve herself. Flame me if you must, but we let her "starve". I'm not going to allow a child (or her mother's refusal to care about nutrition) to dictate to me how I feed my family.
I keep tons of fresh fruit and veggies at the house. We have yogurt, nuts, granola bars (organic, no chocolate chips or extra fluff), string cheese, lean deli meats... there is no way on Earth that anyone would starve at my house. After K finally figured out that we weren't caving (it took about a month or so) she would eat what we made. Now we rarely have the food battle, and she's more open to trying new things. She still talks about how BM takes her for fast food all the time, but at least in my home I know that she's getting nutritious meals. I figure eating healthy 40% of the time is better than not at all.
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If she is with them 50 percent of the time then this is a 50 50 issue and fault. But my above comments still stand. If they have given in for years and are now annoyed then don't go off on How BM sucks for this.
If your DH gets her almost 50% of the time, please don't turn around and blame BM. He is part of the problem. If he cooked / served her normal food since he and BM split, she would be used to it by now.
Both of my kids are picky eaters. I don't know how this happened, because DH and I will eat anything. This is how we cope:
* Don't feel sad that she is "missing out on delicious food." That is not your problem. You need to ensure that she has a well-balanced, healthy diet, not that she is exposed to delicious foods from around the world.
* There is nothing wrong with eating chicken cutlets and pasta without sauce. My kids (1/2 Italian) don't like sauce on their foods either! I told DH he was not really Italian if his kids refused to eat sauce, but it's not for everyone. I will not make two meals, but I will serve sauce on the side.
* Is there anything that she DOES like? My DD will not eat granola bars or PB either - - but she'll eat cheerios. So she snacks on a bowl of cheerios.
* See if there is a way that SD likes veggies. My DD will eat raw vegetables with ranch dressing / dip. Try dressing, cheese, soy sauce....you might find something that she does like. I don't mind serving DD carrots with dressing (since I don't cook anything so it's not extra work) instead of veggies.
* Our rule is that you never have to clean your plate, but you do have to TRY at least two bites of everything. If they don't try everything, they don't get any dessert. That includes day when "dessert" is going out for ice cream.
* I have come to accept that there are some foods that I just don't like, and that there are going to be things that my kids don't like. If my kids absolutely hate something, I won't serve it. We have found there are enough things that they tolerate that I don't need the variety to includes things they really don't like.
Regardless of who's "fault" it is, coz I blame myself too, my dilemma is now trying to correct this problem. I just want to get some more nutrition into her! Some days I feel like its too late but I don't want to give in.
Good job. I think we all often make the mistake of trying to change too much at once. Little changes.
Its a waste of my time so I had to quit caring.
I do a lot of veggie "hiding". Meaning I chop up spinach and add it to pasta sauce, puree squash to add to gravy, shred carrots to add to macaroni and cheese, etc. You can find a lot of ideas on Pinterest. This way the kids get extra veggies without knowing they're getting them
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