May be going to court

btj357 · July 2013

I need some help/ advise

I'm a young mom with a little girl who will be two soon. BD and I have not been getting along the greatest for the last six months and he has started being verbally abusive so I feel like we are heading down this road.

We dont live together and never have. Im currently living with my parents woth DD as i finish nursing school as they are a huge help. He has his priorities screwed up. He spends money on friends and all other things and has not helped support DD in over a year. He buys a few shirts and toys when we are getting a long and go shopping at the mall or something but that isn't too often.

He sees DD maybe 4 to 5 times a month because of his work schedule and him doing other things. He makes no effort to see her or do anything.

I have felt like a single mom her whole life as I'm always the main person doing everything. I don't mind it of course but what's the sense in having a dad around who won't do anything? He won't put her down for a nap when we are together because he has other stuff to do. He doesn't really do anything to take care of her. He always wants others to take care of her.

His family is very screwed up as well. They all have control issues and are all about drama they fight with each other all the time and are always drinking, Swearing carrying on all hours and just don't act appropriate around kids. I wasn't raised that way so that's uncomfortable to me.

I don't trust them watching her so they see her when I take her places because she has choked while under their supervision while I was in the bathroom. They weren't paying attention to her playing with rocks they don't feed her real food. It's all chocolate for lunch and they just shove her in front of a tv. They don't really care about the kids as they only care about bragging about having them. It's a tittle thing.

I would like to seek sole custody because I feel like that's what I already have. I live in PA. can I have some advise?

tracy41 · July 2013

Is he likely to fight you on this considering that is what your arrangement already is? I would definitely recommend you get the custody and support formalized because it seems like he's not helping you much. Is he on her birth certificate? If not then getting paternity declared is the first step.

You should talk to your state's child support office regarding what they can help you with, although I think some will only handle paternity and support and not custody, however if he is likely to fight you a lawyer is always a better bet. It is not a bad thing to have a formal custody and support agreement, so don't present it to him as a bad thing. Just tell him you are putting your stuff in order to make sure your daughter is taken care of if something happens.

And just from my own experience, don't try to do it yourself, it is a PITA.

btj357 · July 2013

Yes he is on her birth certificate. He will probably fight me on the fact that I want sole just so that he can take her from me because he knows that about my greatest fear. I'm just not sure of the likeliness of me being granted sole custody being he isn't entirely unfit in the sense he doesn't abuse her but he really hasn't even been a father for the two years.

tracy41 · July 2013

If you mean primary physical custody with him having visitation that is not unlikely, that is fairly common frim what I know. The courts in some states have been pushing equal joint custody but only in situations where the parents were married or raising the child together at one time. If you mean sole physical custody with no visitation it's not going to happen unless he's abusive or otherwise unfit. Unless you are an unfit mother he cannot "take" your child from you, he's just being a jerk. Good luck!

btj357 · July 2013

tracy41:
If you mean primary physical custody with him having visitation that is not unlikely, that is fairly common frim what I know. The courts in some states have been pushing equal joint custody but only in situations where the parents were married or raising the child together at one time. If you mean sole physical custody with no visitation it's not going to happen unless he's abusive or otherwise unfit. Unless you are an unfit mother he cannot "take" your child from you, he's just being a jerk. Good luck!

Thank you! Would it be any different because we have never been married or lived together? I am not very familiar with the Pennsylvania custody laws so i'm starting to look into them. It is unsettling to me that if i take him to be granted full custody that they will give him time because he really isn't that unfit. He has had her like 6 times without me being there. He never has her by himself. So that is what makes me nervous. He doesn't know how to take care of her because i'm always the one doing things.

tracy41 · July 2013

Lakinn:
tracy41:
If you mean primary physical custody with him having visitation that is not unlikely, that is fairly common frim what I know. The courts in some states have been pushing equal joint custody but only in situations where the parents were married or raising the child together at one time. If you mean sole physical custody with no visitation it's not going to happen unless he's abusive or otherwise unfit. Unless you are an unfit mother he cannot "take" your child from you, he's just being a jerk. Good luck!
Thank you! Would it be any different because we have never  been married or lived together? I am not very familiar with the Pennsylvania custody laws so i'm starting to look into them. It is unsettling to me that if i take him to be granted full custody that they will give him time because he really isn't that unfit. He has had her like 6 times without me being there. He never has her by himself. So that is what makes me nervous. He doesn't know how to take care of her because i'm always the one doing things.

Unfortunately for your peace of mind he will be allowed to have her without you present even if you have custody, he's her father. If he's not interested that's one thing, but no court is going to forbid him access for no reason. Talk to a lawyer to get a clear picture of your options in PA.

btj357 · July 2013

tracy41:
Lakinn:
tracy41:
If you mean primary physical custody with him having visitation that is not unlikely, that is fairly common frim what I know. The courts in some states have been pushing equal joint custody but only in situations where the parents were married or raising the child together at one time. If you mean sole physical custody with no visitation it's not going to happen unless he's abusive or otherwise unfit. Unless you are an unfit mother he cannot "take" your child from you, he's just being a jerk. Good luck!
Thank you! Would it be any different because we have never been married or lived together? I am not very familiar with the Pennsylvania custody laws so i'm starting to look into them. It is unsettling to me that if i take him to be granted full custody that they will give him time because he really isn't that unfit. He has had her like 6 times without me being there. He never has her by himself. So that is what makes me nervous. He doesn't know how to take care of her because i'm always the one doing things.
Unfortunately for your peace of mind he will be allowed to have her without you present even if you have custody, he's her father. If he's not interested that's one thing, but no court is going to forbid him access for no reason. Talk to a lawyer to get a clear picture of your options in PA.

Alright i will do that. Thank you! i'm debating on just sticking it out because she is so happy and I don't want to throw a curve ball at her. And I'm very nervous how she would do. But thank you for your help!

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