Paranoid or normal first time pregnancy fears

magoo1331 · July 2013

Hello ladies. I feel a little lost and confused. Please talk me off a ledge. I am 13 weeks in my first pregnancy and I don't know what in the heck to do. My husband is military so everything has to go through our local Naval Hospital. I feel there is no communication and no connection to the facility. I had my 10 week check up June 21 but dont go back until Aug 2nd. Is this normal? How do I ensure my baby is right on track (ok, I'll say it, still beating) during this time? I have heard about missed misscarriages and women dont find out until they go in for another appointment weeks later. I don't want this to be me.

Am I over thinking all of this or is this normal for a woman over 35 (37) who just wants to be reassured her baby is ok?

Anyone feeling the same or have you been where I'm at?

SusanTeach · July 2013

Hi there. Back off the ledge! I am a FTM, natural, @40--been in your world of fear--husband is not in the military but travels frequently for his global corporation. I found out I was pregnant and eagerly made my 1st appt., only to be told I needed to wait for 2 weeks for the appt. itself (torture #1). My hubby was out of the country, so a friend went with me to the sonogram (9.5 weeks)--all okay, but next appt. wasn't for another month! At that one, they simply listened for the heartbeat and checked my vitals. I got various testing done via blood work (Verifi genetics test is HIGHLY recommended) and kept finding out all is well. The big ultra-sound came at 20 weeks, and we found out the baby's a boy. We also got lots of 3D pictures. From that point, it was just a series of routine checks, including a blood test for gestational diabetes. In my last couple of months, I have been going more frequently. Appts. are every week for ladies of a certain age, ahem! I am now due by this Sat., but have had my own recent "miscommunication," At my last week's appt. the doc said all was well, but this week, if I hadn't started labor yet, she would want to discuss plans. She used those exact words, but when I went in yesterday for my appt,, the nurse said, "Oh, I see you are scheduled for an induction on the 9th." I was fortunate enough to see a different doctor in the all-female practice yesterday, and she was MUCH more communicative and didn't seem to be in a rush out of the door. She explained everything carefully and answered all of my questions.

magoo1331 · July 2013

Thanks. Im making a list of all my questions and want time tables of when i'm to get the required testing. I have done the genetic testing. And this is the lack of communication - when i went in for my 10 week apt (PAP and family health) I was asked if i wanted the testing and if so then I HAD and could only get it done within that next week or I'd miss the opportunity. It's just rediculous.

I wish you well on your labor!!!

SusanTeach · July 2013

Hi there. Back off the ledge! I am a FTM, natural, @40--been in your world of fear--husband is not in the military but travels frequently for his global corporation. I found out I was pregnant and eagerly made my 1st appt., only to be told I needed to wait for 2 weeks for the appt. itself (torture #1). My hubby was out of the country, so a friend went with me to the sonogram (9.5 weeks)--all okay, but next appt. wasn't for another month! At that one, they simply listened for the heartbeat and checked my vitals. I got various testing done via blood work (Verifi genetics test is HIGHLY recommended) and kept finding out all is well. The big ultra-sound came at 20 weeks, and we found out the baby's a boy. We also got lots of 3D pictures. From that point, it was just a series of routine checks, including a blood test for gestational diabetes. In my last couple of months, I have been going more frequently. Appts. are every week for ladies of a certain age, ahem! I am now due by this Sat., but have had my own recent "miscommunication," At my last week's appt. the doc said all was well, but this week, if I hadn't started labor yet, she would want to discuss plans. She used those exact words, but when I went in yesterday for my appt,, the nurse said, "Oh, I see you are scheduled for an induction on the 9th." I was fortunate enough to see a different doctor in the all-female practice yesterday, and she was MUCH more communicative and didn't seem to be in a rush out of the door. She explained everything carefully and answered all of my questions. Good luck!

Geeps2 · July 2013

As the OP mentioned no one tells you that once you find out you are pregnant its a tortourous game of hurry up and wait and worry.

I am on baby #2 and wasn't seen till almost 8 weeks, had my NT scan scheduled and done at 12 weeks and will be going in July at 22 weeks for my anatomy scan and another Drs apt. At this stage of the game unless there is a problem or you are having the testing done (NT scan, blood work,, amnio) you basically are only seen once a month. My visits thus far have had me in and out in like 5 minutes but that is because I don't need to ask a lot of questions since I have been to this rodeo before

It will be OK I promise. It is hellacious not knowing and what made it worse for me (even with this pregnancy) was I had suffered a loss before having my daughter so I am always thinking the worst.

Good Luck!

JJ1973 · July 2013

Totally normal! I'm on #2 (had my first at 37 and will be having this one at 41) and although I'm still anxious about a variety of things (more things given my age now), I guess I'm too busy to feel AS anxious as I did the first time around (the time has been flying by between working full time and having a toddler), and I've also learned that the anxiety just doesn't help me know anything earlier. I totally get you on the missed miscarriage fear - it is like a pregnant woman's worst fear (not knowing something is wrong). I'm not sure if it is helpful, but my mantra this time around has been "no news is good news." You hear stories of missed miscarriages on these boards quite a bit because those women are accessing support, but in the larger population, I read once it is only something like 1% of pregnancies. You have a much much better chance of having a successful pregnancy so as long as there is no evidence to suggest otherwise, keep on plodding along and get the happy chemicals running through your body. At the end of the day, you have no control, really, and have to have some faith that things will be alright - knowing that if they are not alright (in rare situations), you will cope. And this is just the beginning of motherhood...the lack of control thing is a recurrent theme, I've found. For a control freak like me, it has been a really positive experience in letting go a bit.

LucyRicardo3 · July 2013

the worry is normal, regardless if it's your first or not. Just stay away from Dr Google or you will drive yourself crazy

My first appointment was on June 27 and my next one is Aug 1, even with some abnormal spotting and low progesterone levels. So that's pretty close to the schedule timeframe you are looking at, too.

I'm thankful for your husband's service and best wishes for a healthy pregnancy and baby to you!

BootsOrHearts · July 2013

It's normal to have appointments once a month that early. But I don't know what the normal practice is for military care.

Because of your age, you might want to request additional screening for chromosomal issues - either NT/quad screening or fetal free DNA cell testing like Harmony, Verifi, etc.

However there is really nothing a medical professional can do to help you prevent a miscarriage this early. Even if they saw something wrong, there really is no intervention that can help.

That being said, just getting to 13 weeks decreases your chance of miscarriage by quite a bit. Try to stay calm and assume everything is ok unless you're told otherwise. Most pregnancies end in babies. :-)

BootsOrHearts · July 2013

magoo1331:
Thanks. Im making a list of all my questions and want time tables of when i'm to get the required testing. I have done the genetic testing. And this is the lack of communication - when i went in for my 10 week apt (PAP and family health) I was asked if i wanted the testing and if so then I HAD and could only get it done within that next week or I'd miss the opportunity. It's just rediculous.

I wish you well on your labor!!!

The NT scan can ONLY be done between 10 and 13 week. This is not military care policy, it's true for everyone. The tests are simply only valid if done at the right time. So not ridiculous at all.

kje120 · July 2013

I think it's normal to worry between appts, at least until baby is big enough that you are feeling movement. The only real way to have any idea that things are ok is if you have a home doppler, but I really think those can cause more worry if you can't always find the heartbeat. My only real advice is to try to relax. I know it's hard as a FTM (or even a STM) but try to focus on the positive and not constantly worry about the "what ifs".

Athena0303 · September 2013

I read that if there is a heartbeat at 12 weeks the chance of miscarriage is lower than 5%. So once I got to 12 weeks, and there was a heartbeat, I calmed down A LOT. I didn't do prenatal blood tests, just the 20 week ultrasound. Everything on it looked good, so I'm trying to remain positive that the baby will be fine. Even at our elderly age, chances are still 99% that the baby will be fine.

kw42775 · September 2013

Athena0303 said:
I read that if there is a heartbeat at 12 weeks the chance of miscarriage is lower than 5%. So once I got to 12 weeks, and there was a heartbeat, I calmed down A LOT. I didn't do prenatal blood tests, just the 20 week ultrasound. Everything on it looked good, so I'm trying to remain positive that the baby will be fine. Even at our elderly age, chances are still 99% that the baby will be fine.

I'm a FTM at 38 and 21w5d. I'm still nervous!! I'm hoping the nervousness goes away SOON!!

Guennie · September 2013

I would totally quote what everyone has said if I could, it's all true and very good advice. It's normal to worry, it should get easier as you progress, and HEY you've made it to second tri, that's a HUGE milestone!! Congratulations!

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