Community› The Bump Message Boards› New to The Bump
New to The Bump
New Discussion

Pregnant before marriage?

Shannymk777Shannymk777 member
in New to The Bump
My Fianc and I have been together nine years and live together. We are engaged but not yet set a date. We started ttc a few months ago and finally got lucky last month. I am now pregnant but we have not told anyone. My fmil recently mentioned that she would be disappointed and pissed if we got pregnant before getting married. It really caught me off guard because we didnt expect her to all of a sudden become so religious however we 100 expect that from his grandmother! Now the excitement of telling her is now replaced by not wanting to tell her at all. What do we do?
Report Reply to Post

Re: Pregnant before marriage?

  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member

    I wouldn't necessarily assume this is coming from a religious perspective.

    Just tell her. You're grown-ups, own it and let them know. Be excited, and they will hopefully follow suit

    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • Shannymk777Shannymk777 member

    Thanks so much for the fast response. If its not coming from a religious point of view then why would she care?

    She was fine with all of her kids living together before marriage.

    Report Reply
  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member
    imageShannymk777:

    Thanks so much for the fast response. If its not coming from a religious point of view then why would she care?

    She was fine with all of her kids living together before marriage.

    No idea, you'll have to ask her. Maybe she sees marriage as a stabilizing factor when bringing kids into a relationship, and wants her grandkids to have that stability. Maybe a friend of hers has a kid who got pg out of wedlock and it didn't end well. Or a million other things.

    Living together before marriage and getting pg before marriage are 2 very different things.

    Report Reply
  • CaliforniaDream87CaliforniaDream87 member
    You two are both grown adults. I would just tell her and if she doesn't take it well I would distance myself from her for a while or until she gets over it.While pregnant the last thing you need is negative people around.
        DS born 8-16-2013
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    image
    Report Reply
  • babym2223babym2223 member

    maybe once everyone sees how happy you both are about it, they will get the same feeling. as long as they know you're still going to get married, it might not be so bad after it settles in with everyone. Times have changed fairly quickly over the years, maybe they havent come to terms with it yet. But your baby will be loved no matter what the marital status is between the parents, especially when by the time the baby is old enough to know any difference you'll probably have the same last name. hope it works out for you.

    Report Reply
  • krismkkrismk member

    I am also pregnant before marriage and even engaged. My boyfirned I had planned on getting engaged this year but after we found out the news i was really stressed and worried about telling people. At first family was shocked and didnt know what to say but now that they've known for a month or so now they are very excited. It felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders after i told people because i was so stressed about their reaction. But now that people know i don't care what anyone thinks.

    If she loves you guys she may be mad at first but she will get over it. Nobody can stay mad once they see a new precious baby. She will take back what she says eventually, it might be once the baby comes but im sure once she meets her grandchild the whole no marriage things won't even matter.

    Report Reply
  • poogers86poogers86 member
    My fianc and I have been together for 5 years and were actually in the midst of planning our wedding when we found out about or baby.I'm 11 weeks. I told my mom, who has similar views as your mom, that I am informing her, not asking her permission about our baby. Once that was clear, she has been great. My advice would be to tell her when y'all are ready, but be firm in stating that you're not asking for her approval, but you want her to share in your joy. Congratulations dear!
    Report Reply
  • squinteesquintee member
    You can't stress about what parents will think, just do what you think is best. My parents still say they don't want to be grandparents... little do they know we've been TTC for over a year. When it happens, they will have to just deal. It's your life, it's my life. We do what is best for us, not for them.
    image
    Me: 27 DH: 28 TTC since 2/2012
    DX: unexplained infertility SA: Normal
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"