Baby shower question.

carriensurg · July 2013

So people keep asking me if I am having a baby shower and I would love to but some people think because we already have children it is inappropriate. Our children are 15, 11and 7 all from previous relationships. We didnt think we would
Have more children so everything was given away. This is our only lo together and his family wants to throw is one. Would it be out of line to want a shower for this baby?

sabriel1 · July 2013

It sounds like you each individually have children already. I would say no shower.

Aurora317 · July 2013

It is out of line to plan a shower for yourself, regardless if it's your first child or your fourth, but wanting one is a different story. Since his family seems to want to throw one you are free to accept if you're comfortable doing so. However, I would limit the guest list to VERY close friends and/or family members.

Are the 3 children you already have all yours, or are some his? If this is his first child by birth I can understand his family's desire to throw a shower, and would allow the hostess to invite whomever they want from his family. If some of the children are his, I would keep the guest list small.

RibbitGrl930 · July 2013

Since it sounds like you both already have children, no, it is not appropriate have a shower for this baby. You not having any baby things left has no bearing on it, as it is your responsibility to purchase your own items. A shower is meant to welcome the MTB into motherhood, or the FTB into fatherhood. I would be okay with a shower in this case if this was the first child for one of you, but not in this instance. I understand wanting a shower, but it would be inappropriate to actually have one.

sabriel1 · July 2013

RibbitGrl930:
IMHO, you walk something of a fine line. The main point of a shower is to welcome the MTB to motherhood, and you are already a mother. However, this is your husband's first child, so I could understand having a very small shower for just his side of the family. I do not consider that you have nothing left from your previous children, but rather that I understand his family may be excited about welcoming him to fatherhood. If one of them offers, I think it would be permissible to accept, keeping it only to his side of the family, but I would not register.

They way I read the OP is that they both already have children

VOR · July 2013

carriensurg:
so everything was given away.

This is so, so, so NOT a reason for you to get a shower. YOU and your DH have decided to have a child. That's YOUR choice and YOUR responsibility. It's absolutely no one else's job to buy you stuff for your baby.

SOrry to sound pissy, but I'm just tired of seeing that as a justification for why someone wants/"needs" a shower.

RibbitGrl930 · July 2013

holly1416:
RibbitGrl930:
IMHO, you walk something of a fine line. The main point of a shower is to welcome the MTB to motherhood, and you are already a mother. However, this is your husband's first child, so I could understand having a very small shower for just his side of the family. I do not consider that you have nothing left from your previous children, but rather that I understand his family may be excited about welcoming him to fatherhood. If one of them offers, I think it would be permissible to accept, keeping it only to his side of the family, but I would not register.

They way I read the OP is that they both already have children

I reread and realized the same thing. Response edited to fit.

amandarins · July 2013

Showers are only for first time moms. The fact that you've given all of your baby stuff away is not a reason to have a shower, its not a fundraiser.

Helenahhandbasket · July 2013

I am also in the baby showers for FTMs only camp. Would you have a bridal shower for your 4th wedding?

However, IF your ILs are wanting to throw you a shower and you want to accept, by all means go ahead.

Cranang · July 2013

VOR:

carriensurg:
so everything was given away.
This is so, so, so NOT a reason for you to get a shower. YOU and your DH have decided to have a child. That's YOUR choice and YOUR responsibility. It's absolutely no one else's job to buy you stuff for your baby.
SOrry to sound pissy, but I'm just tired of seeing that as a justification for why someone wants/"needs" a shower.

Exactly this. There's always something that makes someone a "special snowflake".

KELLILOVESJOSH · July 2013

If your friends and family are like mine there are a handful of people who are going to get gifts for you anyway. Just graciously accept the gifts they give but I wouldn't organize a shower. If you want to do a meet the baby party after your LO is born do that, people may still bring some small gifts but don't register or put anything about gifts on the invitations.

tashad18 · July 2013

I'm pregnant with LO 2. My cousins want to throw a small shower. I accepted. The people invited are people who would bring gifts regardless family and close friends.

I'm not planning it nor do I plan to publicly state where my registry is. The registry is something I made for myself to keep track of what I still need to get.

I don't think the fact that you have nothing left is a valid reason ever to have a shower. My son is 10 and this is my first with DH. But, DH and I have already purchased or plan to purchase all that we need.

My cousin even got onto me because she said she has nothing left to buy us. So I responded with the classic BSB response of "it's not the responsibility of other people to buy stuff you need for your baby!"

notkateanymore · July 2013

I have no issue with having another shower when your children are much older. Some of my best friends and my new SIL are hosting one for us sometime in the Fall. But, it's never OK to throw your own and it's not about getting what you need for the baby. I fully expect to get clothes and small things, everything else will be purchased before hand.

Unknown · July 2013

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