My baby girl

selandz · June 2013

I just had a beautiful baby girl at 31 weeks and 2 days (June 27th 2013), but I am scared. She is in the NICU and doing well they tell me. I go see her when I can since I am still at the hospital. Yet, I cannot help but feel that it is my fault the reason why she came early. I had a C-Section due to severe pre-eclampsia. I feel like she is like this because of me being sick. Is there anyone that has had the feeling? How did they cope with it? I know I cry a lot. My DH has been there for me and wipes away my tears but I still feel so so sad.

KTZ17 · June 2013

I also had my daughter due to high blood pressure at 31 weeks 3 days. She was born May 17 and she came home June 17. It was very hard at first to accept that she would stay in the hospital and I would go home, and I cried a lot because I missed her and I missed being pregnant. I felt like my pregnancy was stolen from me. But the nurses in the NICU were amazing and I spent many hours there with her, and the weeks went by faster than I thought. It wasn't your fault that she was born early, so don't blame yourself. It was out of your control, and she will be fine. Soon she'll be home with you and you'll get to keep her forever! Congratulations and please don't beat yourself up about it, just focus on visiting her and recovering from your csection.

dandywarhol · June 2013

Congrats on the birth of your daughter. It is natural to be scared and to feel guilty. But it wasn't your fault you did what you could to keep her in. Guilt is overrated and in the log run doesn't help but makes things worse. Your daughter is here and getting good care. That is an important thing. You love her and she knows this, that too, is important.

Keep in mind your hormones are also all over the place which doesn't help in an anxious situation. Be gentle to yourself.

DrRx · June 2013

Congratulations on your baby girl! I know that the circumstances are not what you envisioned for her birth, but the feelings that you are feeling are perfectly normal. I had my daughter at 26w2d and there was a lot of guilt that I felt, especially at the beginning. It was hard, but I remember breaking down one day (of many, I might add) and just looking in the mirror and telling myself "You will get through this. You did everything you could, and you are still doing everything you can to make her thrive." It was important for me because I realized that I was ruminating in it, and that it wasn't helping things. I had to deal with it, recognize it, but I couldn't just keep thinking that since it wasn't helping me. For me, it kind of coincided with it being about 2 weeks post-partum. Btw, it is perfectly normal to cry, since this is a completely overwhelming experience. Just because I had my "talking to" to myself in the mirror didn't mean that I still didn't cry or become overwhelmed throughout our journey through the NICU.

I coped with it because I kept telling myself outloud that blaming myself wasn't going to help with anything, especially when I started down that path. I acknowledged that it sucked, but that I did everything I could. I chose to focus on the little triumphs--gaining 20grams or not having an episode. The ladies on this board were very supportive and helpful as well. I emailed my close family and friends with updates every couple of days, as well as the boards, of Adalyn's progress and what the next mini-milestone would be. It was all about short-term goals and triumphs for me to get through NICU semi-sane.

eegeekwife · June 2013

I had my baby girl early at 34w + 3d, I had sudden hbp. She came on her though, they think my hbp was brought on because I was in labor and didn't know it. Because they were going to induce me but I was already a 6. t&ps to you and your lo. It will get better. My lo stayed in the NICU for 6 days. Girls do better than the boys (that's what I was told by all the NICU nurses)

niftychick29 · June 2013

It's totally normal to feel that way, but it is not your fault! I also had a c-section due to pre-eclampsia/HELLP syndrome, but at 34 weeks. After my son was born, I spent another week in the hospital while they tried to get my blood pressure back to normal, and my son spent three weeks in the NICU. It's a hard situation, and there were times when I just felt really sad and guilty (the hormones definitely don't help!), especially when I'd wake up in the middle of the night in the hospital room, knowing my baby was downstairs in the NICU. Going home after a week was a bit of a relief, but at the same time it was so hard going home to an empty house with no baby - I got really sad and cried when I first went home because all the stuff from my baby shower (which had been a few days prior) were still sitting out, ready to be put away, and I didn't have my son with me yet. But there is nothing you did wrong - the great nurses and the neonatologist in the NICU told me that, and said that there is nothing that I did or didn't do to cause pre-e/HELLP...in fact, the doc said that whoever figures out what causes it will probably get a nobel prize!

It definitely helps to have a supportive husband (which I have, and which it sounds like you also have) and also to visit your baby as much as you want/can. We would go to the NICU a few times a day, but I had doc instructions to have modified bedrest at home so had to spent a lot of time resting as well. The nurses were great and updated us about what was going on, even if we couldn't physically be in the NICU sometimes. It's important for you to rest up and get better, too, so that you can be strong and healthy for when your little girl comes home. We also got some great advice and support from the NICU staff, and felt more prepared when it came time to take our little guy home. Although it's a hard time, cry when you need to, visit and bond with your daughter in the NICU, and don't be afraid to ask for help or support from those around you - it definitely helps to talk to others. Sorry for the long reply, but I understand where you're coming from and the feelings you're having. Good luck to you and your little one!

TaraNicole44 · June 2013

Congrats! I know exactly how you feel. I had my daughter 5 weeks ago and she spent 2 weeks in the NICU. She was born at 35 weeks but was IUGR and SGA so she weighed 3 lb 14 oz and measured at 33 weeks. The reason she was so small was because of my placental insufficiency - at 11 weeks I had a huge bleeding episode and was diagnosed with a subchorionic hemorrhage with partial placental abruption. I spent 6 months on bed rest but my placenta still gave out early. I felt very guilty about her rough start because I know that she was early and small because of me. I've broken down several times (hormones don't help as we go through this, do they?) and one time my husband said something that stayed with me...He told me that instead of focusing on the fact she's early or facing challenges, I need to recognize that she is here because of me and the hard work I put in to get her here. I felt much better once she was home. The NICU is an intimidating place and being thrown into that environment can be scary. Try to focus on the positives (she is safe, doing well, being taken care of) and before you know it you will be taking her home!

Pips09 · June 2013

Congrats on your baby! I agree with PPs, it's a very normal feeling to have. You did and are doing the best you can for your baby.

Lovehavinggirls · June 2013

Congrats on your lo. I agree with everyone else I had dd at 35 weeks due to pre e and she had stopped growing around 33 weeks due to issues with my placenta. She was 3lbs 11 oz and stayed a week in the nicu. I would cry every night in the hospital and blame myself. I only cried when no one was around thankfully after a week I was much better and able to understand or start to understand that it was not my fault. Remember these feelings are normal but it is also ok to speak with a therapist. Our nicu had someone available to talk to parents Nd I wish I took advantage of it. My dd will be 2 in a couple weeks and you would never know she was a preemie

MinaE01 · June 2013

Congratulations on your baby girl! What you are feeling is totally normal. You never quite get over the What Ifs, but it does ease up. You need to accept the fact that it was fate and nothing on your part. She was meant to come early! The NICU is a roller coaster, but just get through those weeks being as strong as you can for your baby. Before long, she'll be home with you. I hope she has a quick, smooth stay in the NICU.

jcsntms06 · July 2013

Congratulations on the birth of your little girl. All your feelings are totally normally. With time those feelings will go away. I would talk to someone about your experience. I felt like talking to a friend helped me put things into prespective. Praying for your LO. Please keep us updated when you can.

heatherallison9310 · July 2013

Congratulations on your little girl!! You are definitely not alone. My DS was born at 33 weeks 5 days and I knew right from the beginning he was going to be born early. He was in the NICU for a month and the entire time I battled with the thought that it is not only my fault he came early, but everything keeping him from going home was also my fault. I was born with biliary atresia (a rare liver disease) and it has caused a lot of issues since then. My pregnancy was heavily monitored by the high risk doctors and overall I had a pretty easy pregnancy until I got choleostasis. A gestational liver disease. The risks to the baby aren't the most researched but the longer you are pregnant with choleostasis the chances increase that your baby could be still born. I only had it a week or two (depending on diagnosis vs actual onset of the disease) so instead of letting me go to 35 weeks like originally planned, they called me just after diagnosis and told me I would be having my baby that week. It was frustrating in that I had just gotten the steroid shot for his lungs that week so they didn't have much time to settle and really work. And his breathing is actually what we had the most tough time with in the NICU. So I definitely blamed myself for that one. I was just so devastated that I couldn't give him more time. I still blame myself for his stay in the NICU and that he was born so premature, it is easier to deal with now that he is home. But still when his reflux acts up or people bring up anything about his stay in the NICU those feelings come roaring back. So no, you are not alone. But it does get better, hang in there

flerlgirl · July 2013

I felt that way, too. It is not your fault. Pre-e is nuts and no one can do anything about it. You are awesome and you will get through this. Hang in there!!

My baby girl

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