Talking to your boss....

GermanGirl2007 · June 2013

Hey ladies - also posted on IF so sorry if you are seeing this twice.

Did you tell your boss about your IF or treatments?

Thus far, it has't interfered with work, and hasn't been necessary, so I have not told anyone. Now, with IVF, I know that missing work from time to time will be unavoidable, so, despite the fact that my work is flexible, I feel like I need to offer some explanation. The only think I'm kind of nervous about in terms of telling about IVF is that EVERY time someone at our office has gotten pregnant, they have left. (Without fail). I have no intention of leaving, but the other ladies said they were coming back too, and didn't. I am worried that the assumption will be that I will leave and they will avoid promoting me or giving me bigger projects because they assume I won't be around.

WDYD or WWYD?

mmb248 · June 2013

I have 3 supervisors and one of them knows that I'm TTC. Personally, I will not tell the other 2 unless I have to rearrange my work schedule to allow for appointments. I had a similar situation when I told my boss we were trying because both my predecessor and a colleague left when they had kids.

When I told my boss it was because he asked if he needed to hire someone with my skill set for another position since i had been married for a couple of years and in his experience that was when people left. I took that opportunity to tell him we were TTC and that one day we would need to revise my schedule. But mainly, I reaffirmed my commitment to the department and explained how grateful I was that I had the opportunity to work for someone who appreciates the work life balance. I also acknowledged that previous employees had left, how that negatively affected the department and confirmed that was not my intention.

Since then he has been exceptionally supportive and the idea of me working from home 3 days a week after I have a baby was his idea! He has continually reminded me that the office appreciates hardworking loyal employees and wants to make sure that I feel appreciated.

So, basically I got the best possible result and I'm pretty sure I have the world's greatest boss.

caroeliz02 · June 2013

I am currently only going through a medicated cycle so only have a couple of ultrasounds to do during a cycle and I am in and out in 5 minutes. Luckily my RE partners here with a local OBGYN whose ultrasonographer faxes over the report. That being said, if it gets to a point where IF is more obtrusive I would tell my boss. I probably would not have told him but in April I had a miscarriage and he was so ultra supportive of everything we were going through that it made me realize he would be supportive in this case as well. Mine though knows I still am going to work no matter what. You certainly do not have to tell your boss but if you are somewhat comfortable with him, I persoanlly would. That way he knows you are not just laying out of work and are committed to the company but are having person problems.

rrdiva1 · June 2013

GermanGirl2007:
Hey ladies - also posted on IF so sorry if you are seeing this twice.
Did you tell your boss about your IF or treatments?
Thus far, it has't interfered with work, and hasn't been necessary, so I have not told anyone. Now, with IVF, I know that missing work from time to time will be unavoidable, so, despite the fact that my work is flexible, I feel like I need to offer some explanation. The only think I'm kind of nervous about in terms of telling about IVF is that EVERY time someone at our office has gotten pregnant, they have left. (Without fail). I have no intention of leaving, but the other ladies said they were coming back too, and didn't. I am worried that the assumption will be that I will leave and they will avoid promoting me or giving me bigger projects because they assume I won't be around.
WDYD or WWYD?

honestly that would need to be gut thing, especially if people leave. I am probably oddball, but I wouldn't say anything. It gets their wheels going, like is she leaving etc, even if you told them now. Plus really not their business. I mean it could go great and they could be supportive, or opposite. I told my boss of testing etc and seeing a specialist, and she seemed cool, but then a week later laid off. The reality is they moved the company a few months later, but I think they jumped on chance to cut losses before I went on disability or something.

Good luck!

ky29 · June 2013

I told my boss when we started seeing the RE. I am his assistant and I didn't want him to think I was just randomly missing work. He was very supportive & never had an issue when I had an appointment.

I do understand your concerns about them wondering if you were going to leave. I'm in a bit of a different situation. I told my boss I probably wouldn't be returning after the baby is born. But now he's trying to work something out where I work part time, bring the baby to work or something, which I told him I might consider.

I would hope that if you're honest with them about what you are going through and that you intend to stick around that wouldn't cause them to hold back on any job advances.

Good luck in which ever decision you make!

RunCC37 · June 2013

I am in a different situation. I'm a teacher, so there's a lot of security in the position. I haven't told my principal anything yet because we are just on IUIs at the moment. If it progresses to IVF I will probably tell her. Especially since I run before school rehearsals two or three times a week.

If I were in a situation like yours then I'd probably try to keep it as private as possible. Good luck!

formerwigirl · June 2013

Have you considered getting FMLA? I am just starting my testing but will see the RE at the end of the month. When I go I am taking an FMLA packet so if I need to miss work, I have that to back me up. Everyone at my work knows Im trying to get pregnant but I haven't told them about testing. I feel like my boss would hold it against me if I told her I needed to miss work. Then again I work for a company where you are very easily replaced. Good luck to you!

ttuprincess · June 2013

I agree that this is a very personal decision. I work in a small office. Everyone knows our IF struggles. I have found it makes it easier to be gone from work when I need to. I did six months of Lupron which had potential side effects such as mood swings and memory loss. I thought it was best to be up front with my office about what I was doing in case it effected my work. I can see how I might not have been so open in a different office or under different circumstances. Good luck.

herecomesthesun · July 2013

calindi:
I'll tell you that in your shoes, I would say as little as possible to protect my own behind.
I'd probably allude to having an on-going medical issue that needs regular monitoring.

Yup and yup, though I add that I am fine and nothing is wrong. I have never been asked for a letter but my boss is pretty understanding.

GermanGirl2007 · July 2013

herecomesthesun:
calindi:
I'll tell you that in your shoes, I would say as little as possible to protect my own behind.
I'd probably allude to having an on-going medical issue that needs regular monitoring.

Yup and yup, though I add that I am fine and nothing is wrong. I have never been asked for a letter but my boss is pretty understanding.

This is what I did. I have been screwed over before and am paranoid, so as much as I want to think that my workplace would be super supportive because we are all close, I felt like I needed to go the cautious route. I told my supervisor that I have been dealing with some medical issues and that in the coming months I will need to be away from work from time to time for testing and treatment. I assured him that it was nothing life threatening and that I was fine, but just needed to take care of myself. He was really understanding and supportive. I am feeling relieved that I told him something, but not EVERYTHING. Smile

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