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What did i do?

PatriciaPottsPatriciaPotts
in Blended Families

Some days I feel like i made the biggest mistake of my life.

We fight all the time, about everything. For the last two months we barely have spoken to each other.  Im not allowed to do anything with out his 'blessing'.

 

I guess this is when I ramble ,right.

 

A few months ago I found out (just after we got engaged) that he had an active profile on match.com. Well needles to say I did some digging and I found out that he had txted/emailed/  girls from the site. As well as facebook msg girls talking about me,in a not so great way.

Well we did counseling. And now im the one messing up. I have recently reached out to a old friend. Who yes I was once romantically involved with. I don't know what's wrong with me .Im miserable. I feel caged, and controlled.

Yes I fessed up, no I did not sleep with him. Yes I lied about making contact. I cried, I begged forgiveness.

 

I just miss my old Ant((my SO)) so much, he has changed and maybe he never really did change. maybe this is who he always was.

 

pity party over. calling therapist ASAP.

 

Advice, give it. don't hold out, I need clear heads.

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Re: What did i do?

  • fellesferiefellesferie member
    Neither one of you are getting what you need from this relationship. What can you do about that?
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  • HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member

    I am sorry I don't remember your back story, but based on you referring to him as SO (significant other) and IF there aren't any children, then based on the tone of your post.....RUN!

     

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  • PatriciaPottsPatriciaPotts

    I think the scariest part of leaving, is doing it. 


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  • PatriciaPottsPatriciaPotts

    No kids between the two of us. Part of me wants us to figure it out, the other part wants to run like Heck. Its crazy; we worked so hard to find balance for our children and that is now great. Everyone gets along, talks openly and follows all the rules. Its feels like one thing gets resolved and another comes down harder. Im just so depressed lately. I feel like im crazy. I feel sick, and guilty. I believed in this relationship so much that i allowed this man into my childs life. Now i will take that away. i think that is what upsets me the most. I can hurt and i can heal, but my baby will hurt too.

    That is what upsets me. 

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  • fellesferiefellesferie member

    It sounds like you are freaking out, and that is no condition for making life changing decisions. Leaving is an option, and it's worth considering.

    But before you go too far down that road, get yourself in a better place emotionally. Figure out why you are feeling depressed and crazy. Then decide what you need to do. 

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    Erin's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
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  • Sunday924Sunday924 member

    Your child will hurt but it's much better for your child if you are happy. 

    I'm really sorry you are going through this. 

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  • Lavender PLavender P member
    imagePatriciaPotts:
    No kids between the two of us. Part of me wants us to figure it out, the other part wants to run like Heck. Its crazy; we worked so hard to find balance for our children and that is now great. Everyone gets along, talks openly and follows all the rules. Its feels like one thing gets resolved and another comes down harder. Im just so depressed lately. I feel like im crazy. I feel sick, and guilty. I believed in this relationship so much that i allowed this man into my childs life. Now i will take that away. i think that is what upsets me the most. I can hurt and i can heal, but my baby will hurt too. That is what upsets me.nbsp;

    If there are no kids between you two I think you should run. It sounds like neither of you are satisfied in your relationship and although you might find a temporary fix, you are delaying the inevitable. It will be much worse for your baby if you marry SO and have to go through a nasty divorce. It is great the family adjusted and follows rules etc. That means you have done a good job blending your families but that doesn't matter if neither one of you is really happy. I'm all for working out relationship problems when he couple is committed to one another but the fact is that both of you are lookin to other people to 'fix' whatever you feel you are missing. Maybe being alone will give you some time to focus on why you are so depressed an feeling unhappy. Then you can find a healthy happy relationship for you and your child.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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  • PatriciaPottsPatriciaPotts
    imagefellesferie:

    It sounds like you are freaking out,

    major melt down moment. 

    and that is no condition for making life changing decisions. Leaving is an option, and it's worth considering.

    But before you go too far down that road, get yourself in a better place emotionally.

    Im a crazed female right now. i just got a hold of our couples therapist who gave me the name of a individual therapist.Nothing makes sense to me right now, and i know im all over the map. Im normally very zen and direct and happy, and this major mood swing and major malfunction in our relationship is making me mental.Its not just him, its me.

    Figure out why you are feeling depressed and crazy. Then decide what you need to do. 

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  • dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member
    I think that if he was scouring the internet for other women at the same time he proposed to you that is a major problem.  I think you all probably should have broken up when you discovered this.  Did he apologize and say he only loves you?  Why would you want to be with someone who is trying to meet women behind your back? 
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    If he can have a meetup account and talk to women when you are engaged he will do it when you marry. Runs fast as you can.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • xmaryrickxxmaryrickx member
    What do you mean when you say you can't do anything without his blessing?
    Do you have examples?
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  • NineoceansNineoceans member
    Life is WAY too short, if either of you is reaching out to other people its time to move on
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  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    imageLittlejen22:
    If he can have a meetup account and talk to women when you are engaged he will do it when you marry. Runs fast as you can.


    This. It will not change.
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    My daughter has inadvertantly taught me a lot of things, just by existing in my life. And one of the things she has given me is the intolerance of putting up with crap.

    This is crap.

    Unless you like crap and want to have this kind of drama and turmoil in your life, then stay. Stay out of fear. Stay out of insecurity. Stay because it appears easier. If you don't want this in your life, then it's easy. Leave.  I promise once you get past the heartache (and you will) it will get better.  Learn from this, be better, do better and move on. 

    Yeah, it's going to be hard, but not as hard as the life you are giving your child and the lessons you are teaching them about how it's okay to be with a person who lies and cheats.

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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