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If You Had, Or Are Having A Homebirth

mrsj0423mrsj0423 member
in Natural Birth
MH and I are newly pregnant with #2 and are considering a home birth this time around.  I suspect that if we decide to go this route, we will have to do a lot of justifying and explaining to his family, as I am sure they will not be overly supportive of the idea.  If you had or are having a HB, did you have to justify your decision to anyone? If so, did they eventually support you? Did you feel the need to provide loads of information and statistics? Or did you just tell them that you chose HB because it is what is right for you and your family?  Thank you and I apologize for so many questions!
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Re: If You Had, Or Are Having A Homebirth

  • annabelle.27annabelle.27 member
    We didn't really tell anyone for that exact reason. We only told a couple people we knew would be supportive. I planned to tell everyone after it was said and done, but in the end I had such a fast labour most people assume my homebirth was an accident and I have just rolled with that assumption. I found this study useful though


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  • *LrCg**LrCg* member
    We've had 2 homebirths and I never felt the need to justify my choice to my family/friends.  My midwife did offer to sit down and talk with our parents since in passing conversation we mentioned that my mother gave a side eye but I declined because my family's opinion doesn't factor in on my choices.  I never feel the need to explain myself because I feel if I have to explain myself that may come across as 1. insecure of my choice and 2. that its open for discussion/debate.  My body/baby, my choice- end of discussion for me.  
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  • mrsj0423mrsj0423 member
    Thank you all for your input!
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  • barnwifebarnwife member
    We've had 2 HB and are planning another this time.

    I've never tried to justify it beyond "this is what's right for us." That being said, I don't just come out and say "we are having a HB" if I think it's going to be met with a lot of hostility. 

    FWIW, even the first time, I knew DH's family wouldn't care/would be supportive. It was my family that would need more time to adjust to the idea. I honestly don't care if they think we are crazy regarding this. 

    We've done the research and made our decision. Heck, my parents probably still aren't thrilled about our HB, but that's their issue.


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  • stefakneestefaknee member
    We had our second at a birth center, and our 3rd will be a home.  Honestly, we just didn't tell anyone our birthing plans.  It never came up in conversation.

    They were already freaking out that I was "attempting" a VBAC.  (Which was very successful, and at a birth center). 
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  • A37liciaA37licia member

    We considered not telling our families for this reason. Then we considered how they have respected our choices as parents and as a married couple so far, and decided to tell them, believing that even if they didn't agree, they would respect our decision. So, for our parents only, we emailed a long email about our decision to switch from a hospital birth and a home birth when I was 26w, and gave some of the information we researched. It was well received. My MIL worried, I know, but she respected our decision.  My parents were supportive and had more exposure to home birth in the years before that so it wasn't so radical (my MIL is a retired nurse and her dad a doc, so very medical).

    We gave them enough info (but not overkill at all) that if they came back with an abundance of questions like, "well what if this..,or I heard a baby died, etc. I would have at that point said, "We've explained what we feel is helpful, if you want to know more, you know where to find it".

    I think we told DH's sisters, who are not parents or married so they didn't really have an opinion. We didn't tell my SIL & brother, and didn't offer the information to anyone else but a couple close friends. 

    This time, for our second, only a couple outside the family have asked "so are you doing a home birth again?" and that's it. We didn't get any grief from anyone the first time, the people who I'm sure were out there that disagreed kept quiet. 

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  • MamaInMNMamaInMN member

    We are planning our first homebirth.  Like PP, we've only really offered the info outside of family to friends who we know will be supportive (although many are still curious about our reasons).

    For family, it was important to us that both of our parents were at least somewhat comfortable with the idea, if not supportive.  The key things that helped soothe them (that they did not know or believe before we told them):

    - we will have a backup plan which includes going to the hospital if needed (no one even needed to hear that when/why we would transport, just that we had indeed thought it through)

    - our midwife has her own list of what would risk us out of being at home (again, they didn't even need to know details, they were reassured that she was conscious of risk factors)

    They seem like such basic concepts, but none of our parents had ever researched the idea so how would they know these safety nets were in place?  

    Anyway - good luck!  I hope you find the support you need! 

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  • BriDailyBriDaily member
    While most people around me knew, I never felt the need to justify my decision. But if you feel that might be an issue, that family might constantly try to sway your choice, then don't tell a lot of people. Just say you are using a midwife (truth), your appointments are going well, baby is growing a healthy rate, etc. Focus on the pregnancy and growing baby inside of you rather than the birth plans. Then get a birth photographer (I had one and the pictures are very worth it!) and pop the news after the fact. Oh and if such people are at your house a lot, just hide the box of birth supplies in baby's closet... out of sight until needed :) 
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  • BrideNamedMegBrideNamedMeg member
    We only told our closest family and a couple of very close friends about our plans.  Everyone was fairly supportive and some of them really surprised me (especially those in the medical industry).  If random people asked me what hospital I was going to, I'd say the one we planned to transfer to in case of emergency if I didn't want to get into it.  I told that to one of my grandmothers as well, because I knew she'd be VERY nervous for me if she knew I was having a home birth (she lost her first daughter during labor).  
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  • LokiLahveLokiLahve member
    The thought of a home birth is terrifying to me personally, but I'm a firm believer in doing what YOU are comfortable with! I'm FTM so maybe I'll have that confidence next time.
    I don't think I would try to seek my family's approval, and would only discuss it with people I knew would be supportive. If people ask directly, do what a pp suggested and tell them your transfer hospital in case of emergencies. Your baby, your experience, 100 percent your choice.
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