BFing question

S&DHutson · June 2013

Hi. I have a 12 month old and I am 3 months pregnant. Little back story, desperately wanted to BF with my son, but was told after C-section by an OR nurse that I couldn't breastfeed for 24 hours due to epi. which was informed later was completely wrong. Anyway, breastfeed was attempted with pumping for about 2 weeks before I completely gave up. I was devastated, but was also completely exhausted by my traumatic birth experience. Needless to say, I really want to give it a try again. I am working toward/ planning on having a VBAC, and just wanted to know if there is anything you did while pregnant to prepare for breastfeeding, or any stories of first time failure and second time success might make me feel better. I am just trying to accept that it was my circumstances last time of my birthing that affected by BFing and not my ability to BF. Any helpful hints or encouragement would be much appreciated : ) TIA

KateLouise · June 2013

Firstly I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you had a disappointing start to BF.

I don't think there's much you can do physically to prepare, but there's quite a bit you can do to educate yourself.

As you obviously already know, having knowledgeable people around, or knowing who you can turn to for support and advice makes a big difference. Is there a LLL near you? Is there a lactation consultant nearby or available through your hospital? Do you have friends or family who have successfully BF and who are supportive of it? Is your MW/OB knowledgeable and supportive of BF?

Kellymom.com is a good BF website that answers pretty much any BF question you can think of.

The womanly art of breastfeeding is quite a good book that covers pretty much everything.

Without knowing the exact details of your situation, I'm willing to bet it was absolutely your circumstances that got in the way. Yes there are some women who for all sorts of reasons are physically incapable of BF but they are in the minority.

I remember being really surprised at what a learning curve BF was, and that it wasn't as easy as I'd imagined it would be. I was fortunate to have a really supportive and knowledgeable MW.

Best wishes.

ETA just thought I'd also mention you might like to check out the natural birth board (don't know if you want to go natural this time around, but lots of ladies there are planning, or have had a VBAC, so it might be a nice place for you to talk to others. The ladies there are really supportive, regardless of what kind of birth plan you have.)

tokenhoser · June 2013

PP gave great advice - the best things you can do is set yourself up in a better birth environment (another hospital or a birth center - I would not go back where you were if you have any choice at all), a better care provider (consider a midwife or just ask around to find a VBAC supportive doctor, hopefully that is also knowledgeable about breastfeeding. Hooking into a La Leche League group can be really helpful in getting doctor referrals.

I think a lot of moms who have a rough first birth can find the second time around a healing experience to regain confidence in their body.

kerryautry · July 2013

First, don't beat yourself up! We all do the very best we can as moms each moment and in each situation. It's really tempting to beat yourself up over past decisions. I try to remind myself that I made the best decision I could with the information I had at the time.

So, keep doing research -- just as you are now. The more informed you are, the more you can stand up for yourself and your sweet baby with confidence. If you can, get your husband or partner on your side. Make him your advocate! Make sure he knows exactly what you want and tell him to be prepared to speak up if it looks like you need it. Sometimes we need them to stand up for us when we are just too tired or emotionally overwhelmed... like right after childbirth.

And most importantly if you can, find BF friends! As with everything else, BFing is so much easier if you surround yourself with supporters. Look for a local La Leche League chapter or even a local Holistic Moms chapter. You'll get lots of support and tips from both. If you're really lucky, you may find some lifelong friends along the way!

Take care and good luck!

Marsee · July 2013

Check this out: https://breastfeedingtaketwo.com

I haven't read it, but I came across it when I was desperately searching for answers for all my BF troubles.

Keep your chin up. Looking back, I know a lot of my BF problems were because I was trying too hard to make it work. I couldn't relax about it at all. I think if I were to have another LO, this time would be completely different, just because my mindset is different.

ETA: Not saying that your problems are in your head, just saying that's what my problem was/is.

S&DHutson · July 2013

Thanks for all of the help gals! Today I actually went and found a BF support group that meets each week and the lactation consultant said I can come throughout my pregnancy if I want. I am actually going to having a homebirth this time. No obs in my area will let me VBAC but I am a good candidate for it so I found a group of amazing midwives who do homebirths and are super supportive of what I want. You are definitely right about the mommy guilt though...it is so easy to look back and say "oh, I should have done this and this differently" but what's done is done and I am just going to look forward to BF successfully with baby #2 : ) My SIL also mentioned the Womanly Art of BF and she says she swears by it so I bought it on Amazon today. Thanks again!

tokenhoser · July 2013

Sounds like you've got a great plan in place! Getting your confidence back during your pregnancy is huge - it's so hard to get over what we see as a failure and believe that things can go differently with a different pregnancy, birth, and baby.

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