Bad Fighting

Marchmellow2 · June 2013

I am fighting with DH right now. Like huge fight! I'm trying to stay calm but it's very difficult. He called me all the names in the book. And I'm sure it's cause I called his grown daughters spoiled b!itches that need to get a job. They called him tonight yelling at him cause the expect him to pay 900 a month. Yet they are in their 20's! I've had it with how they treat me! They hate me for no reason and it hurts. It also hurts when they call him and yell at him and he kisses their butts all the time, then he gets off the phone and he hates me all the sudden. I don't deserve to he treated like crap cause your daughters are awful! OMG I just felt the baby for the first time!!!! OMG. I hope I don't lose my baby cause I'm so upset. I need to calm down just don't know how.

Sfranco2208 · June 2013

My steps are still young, 79 and don't hate me but other than that its exactly like you just said, and VERY frustrating and draining. Just remember no matter what you do or how upset you get you can't change them or him and the anger will only make you more upset... Step back, breath and do something for yourself

Londonsmybabyboy · June 2013

Take some deep breaths and distance yourself from the situation.

Marchmellow2 · June 2013

You guys are all right! Thank you.

miam4 · July 2013

Something I learned with marriage is that no matter what you do or what they do, do not call anyone on the other side names! You loose your rights and you loose respect. I had told my husband that names are unacceptable.

My strategy with my husband is to tell calmly my view and if necessary repeat the information later on, and make comparison, because later on you can say "i told you". (trust me, control the temper is not something I ever imagined I could do! I am half Italian! But I had to learn if I want to keep a healthy marriage.)

Tell him what you observe, like "I noticed that every time you talk to your daughters, you explode on me! That's not fair. I do not appreciate it."

I also would apologize about the name calling, say that your hormones are not helping, but it just gets so frustrating to see his own daughters treating him so careless and that you love him so much to see them treating him without respect.

Be on the other side. Be the adult! Don't call them names, don't call your husband names, and do not allow him to call you names! You guys are loosing respect...

Keep strong! Do it for your marriage, and for your baby!

adawn1981 · July 2013

First, I am sure the baby is ok! Just relax. Second, you should never call his kids names. People are so protective of their kids, and their kids come first. Nobody wants to hear that their daughters are spoiled b!tches. I do understand your frustration, I have 2 stepkids too. One is well behaved, one.. well, not so much. I will let my H know when something is going on but I would never tell him that his daughter is being a b!tch. That is not ok. It is not ok that he called you names either, but I think you need to apologize to him first and then he needs to apologize to you. You started the name calling. This is just my honest opinion. I hope things get better soon and no more name calling from any of you!! You are all adults!

Lawren · July 2013

What is the age difference between you and your husband?

MariJ1008 · July 2013

DH and I have been fighting a lot too! It's horrible and it sucks! this weekend I finally couldn't take it anymore, and he took DS to his parents, and I just needed an entire by myself! when he came home we didn't continue arguing but we didn't resolve anything either. I would just be by yourself for little while. I wish I could offer more advice, I don't even know what I should do with DH. But having space took some stress off my shoulders. have a you day!

notkateanymore · July 2013

Maybe they hate you because you call them spoiled bitches to their father? Unless your husband is using your money to pay for stuff for them, IMO, it's none of your business. Those are his children and they have been since before you were married obviously. It's not up to you to change their relationship. I'm sure you'd be OK with him providing for your own child into their 20s, why are his other children any different?

How long have you been married and what is the age difference? Sounds like y'all have some things that need to be worked out.

itsaleedanielle · July 2013

I had a huge fight yesterday too. Cried so hard I threw up, passed out, and slammed my head into the counter. I for sure thought I was going to stress my baby out and lose her when I came to, but then when I felt a strange feeling. Tiny butterflies in my stomach - it was VERY faint, and only lasted a second, but it was wonderful. In the end, I ended up sitting down and ignoring the world. My LO is way more important that all of this drama.

I know it's hard, but focus on yours.

blainethetrain · July 2013

This is a general observation, but it sounds like a lot of couples (not just in this thread) need to learn some healthy communication skills. Whether you get counseling or go to a workshop, get some help with expressing yourselves in healthy ways. Babies do not make anything easier, work on this stuff now.

KFED103 · July 2013

These are his kids and sometimes a step parent gets no say. Sucks but you guys need to compromise to where if he wants to help them out, he can without you flying off the handle.

and also I feel the need for a PSA: Just because you (or anyone else) gets bat sh!t crazy mad and upset at a particular situation once in a while, has NO bearing on losing/miscarrying a baby. geezus

MEP923 · July 2013

If anybody called my child a name like that, I would seriously evaluate their position in my life. How would you feel, if you guys didn't work out and he got remarried and you found out his new wife was calling your daughter a b!tch??

I'm in my late 20's. We are financially independent but my dad does help me sometimes (like he wants to buy the crib for the baby). If he was remarried and his new wife was mad about this, I would be furious too. You guys need to discuss your finances when you are both calm. If we were struggling month to month but his 20 year old jobless daughters were getting a lot of money from us, I would be frustrated too. You just need to go about it a completely different way. & remember he's their dad. He's probably always going to help them out, just like he will for your child.

amberpro · July 2013

I feel like you probably need to handle your feelings about this situation VERY differently. They are his children and he will most likely always have a blind spot if they truly are using him. Calling them names will do nothing but lessen you in everyone's eyes.

If you feel like they are spoiled b!tches, I'm sure they can tell. Therefore, it's not with no reason they dislike you. You're going to need to find a way to be the bigger person and hope in time they come around. And don't ask him to take sides when it comes to his children.

It also may be time to sit down and discuss your feelings more rationally with your husband. Probably even with a counselor. Your reactions aren't helping him see your point of view and doing nothing but build walls in your relationship.

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