First year at daycare & is my MIL crazy or am I a terrible mother?

mandy522 · July 2013

My MIL is driving me crazy! My LO has been sick on and off since starting daycare and has basically had a constant runny nose now for the entire 7 months he's been there. We have an occasional snot-free day, but it is pretty rare and even when it is only minor congestion, we are pretty aggressive about it because he's been diagnosed with reactive airway disease (basically asthma) and can lead to some wheezing. I also had asthma as a kid, and had terrible allergies (still do), and I have always heard that kids are constantly sick their first year in daycare, so honestly I haven't been overly concerned. We see his doctor like every other week, and he's very happy and meeting all his milestones and rarely acts sick, just has a constant runny nose.

MIL is convinced this is not typical daycare germs or allergies is on the warpath trying to find out the real cause of this. Her current plan is to rip out all the carpeting in our house because she's convinced that we must have mold.

She's driving me crazy and getting in my head so now I'm wondering if I'm being too lax about this and should be investigating "every possible cause of his congestion" (her words)? LO's health is obviously the priority, but ripping out the carpet seems extreme.

Was your first year at DC similar, to the point of having to clear baby's nose almost daily? Is my MIL crazy, or am I a terrible mother?

LoCarb · July 2013

Yes, your MIL is crazy(aren't most?). However, I would jump on the opp to rip out the old carpet for new flooring if she's offering to pay.

DD1 was sick all.the.time her 1st yr

DD2 had a lot of congestion-turned out it was allergies and symptoms lessened on Zyrtec

ETA: clarity

Mjmksb04 · July 2013

I don't think that is normal for all kids, but it may be normal for your DS, given his reactive airway disease and possibility of allergies. My DS did not have a regular runny nose, but my friend's DS does regularly have a runny nose due to allergies. What you are describing doesn't necessarily sound like an illness.

cecilyandgautam · July 2013

Wow, if my MIL made plans to rip out my carpets, I would change the locks asap and probably share a lot less information with her going forward. Is your DH willing to talk to her about it? Are you willing to keep it to "DS's ped has checked him out and we're dealing with it. Would you like some tea?"

btw - you could set up an appt with a pediatric allergist to put your mind as ease.

mandy522 · July 2013

LoCarb - that is a great idea. I'm calling her right now and asking if she'll pay for new carpeting.

Cecily - I share almost NOTHING with her. She already thinks I'm a terrible mother (you should see the email she sent me when DH and I decided to put LO in DC), and DH and I make a point not to tell her about anything negative. The most recent carpet idea stemmed from a post on FB that a friend of mine wrote asking if LO was feeling OK, because he had been pulling on his ear on Friday night, and I thought he might have an ear infection. He was just tired. And now she might break into my house, replace my carpets and / or steal my baby.

TheBorg7of9 · July 2013

My DS missed half of the school days in May because of illnesses. He got sick every week for 2-5 days. It's normal. My MIL has also been giving us sh!t about it and wanted to get him tested for things and wants him on anti-biotics like all the time. You could have her come with you to the doctor and ask him about it in front of her. Or just tell her, the doctor said it's normal and the baby is fine. Then, repeat as necessary and don't let her go any further in the conversations. "The doctor said he's fine, so what are you doing this weekend?, etc."

aglenn · July 2013

It is normal. Both of my kids have gone through that, and DD had the reactive airway thing that eventually transitioned to asthma. She took an inhaler for asthma for about a year and now doesn't need it any more. But my pedi had me get both kids evaluated for allergies due to the history of asthma and allergies in our family (both my side and DH's side) and neither of them tested positive for anything at all. DS also got seen by an ENT due to ear infections from the colds and he is totally normal and they don't even want to do tubes.

All the specialists told us that some kids just have the snotty nose thing constantly for the first couple of years. They will outgrow it. So, we did evaluate "every possible cause" and still basically came up with nothing. 2x.

Things that help a teeny tiny bit are just minimizing irritants like dust. We wash stuffed animals frequently, use dust covers on pillows, etc. DS also gets probiotics daily which I believe helps him not get sick quite as often.

knottie3c0525a8a3c64eaa · July 2013

My son has been on daycare for a year and he has a runny nose most of the time. When in doubt, take your child to an allergist and they will determine if they are allergic to dust, mold etc

boogerbearoriginal · July 2013

Your MIL sounds a bit....overzealous. However, if you're wanting to get rid of the carpet anyway sounds like you may be able to use this to your advantage!

My nephew has been in DC since 3m, and seems to have a runny nose the entire time. We started my LO in DC at 18m, he's had a runny nose ever since. FWIW, we have hardwood floors but I do partially suspect allergies. Both H/I have environmental allergies and the runny nose seems to get worse when mine does.

I've heard it's fairly common, although not universal, for DC kids to have runny noses a lot. They basically pass germs along as quickly as they can so it is just a constant cold.

drpayne · July 2013

She's a nut. Sounds like a normal DC experience to me (the exact reason we hired a nanny). Also, for the most part, environmental allergies do not develop until after at least 1 year of age. The process of becoming allergic to something takes time, as far as the immune system goes.

SunAndRain · July 2013

While at first I'd be tempted to take her up on the new floor opportunity, this will set a prescedent for the future - she'll always be the one to force home improvements on you and that will get old fast.

MIL's are both well-meaning and f*cking insane - that is my general observation.

I'd start using the line on her that I have shockingly successfully use with my own overbearing mother, "I appreciate your concern but that is my and DH's decision to make." Rinse and repeat.

Mrs.RockyM · July 2013

DD2 is right around the same age, and you're right. Our LO's entered daycare right at the height of cold season. They're little, they put everything in their mouth, and they've never been exposed to anything before. DD constantly has a runny nose, from teething or a cold, or some sort of unnamed virus. Things have gotten better as the weather is getting better at least in terms of DH or I having to stay home with her, but the runny nose is just constant. That would be the same if she were at home or in daycare because it's teething related!

TheBorg7of9 · July 2013

SunAndRain:
While at first I'd be tempted to take her up on the new floor opportunity, this will set a prescedent for the future - she'll always be the one to force home improvements on you and that will get old fast.
MIL's are both well-meaning and f*cking insane - that is my general observation.
I'd start using the line on her that I have shockingly successfully use with my own overbearing mother, "I appreciate your concern but that is my and DH's decision to make." Rinse and repeat.

I agree. This "gift" will definitely come with strings attached.

laurakaz13 · July 2013

The first year in daycare DD had around 8 colds. It was tough. This year she's had about half that many. As her immune system improves, I expect it will get better. It definitely sounds like a normal experience for a kid in daycare.

Your MIL sounds crazy and she needs to back off. Your DH needs to tell her to knock it off.

emberlee3 · July 2013

Yes, your MIL is crazy! No, you are not a terrible mother!

My DD started DC 6 weeks ago and has a constant runny nose. She maybe was congested twice in her life before starting daycare.

DS has always had trouble with congestion and reactive airways disease. We figured out this year that he has pretty bad allergies. He is doing much, much better after starting Allegra, Singulair, and Flonase (in that order, added a few weeks apart when his symptoms continued to worsen). He has been so healthy and no congestion at all on this regimen.

atrinh11 · July 2013

Yes, your MIL is a bit crazy. I have heard several people talk about their kids being sick a lot when they first start day care. Quite honestly, this is why we chose an in-home day care situation. There are way fewer kids there to spread germs around. When we visited day care centers, that was our first impression, all of the kids seemed to have runny noses and just sounded sick.

My LO gets congested sometimes too, but it is not that often. I would go so far as to say he has only been actually sick once since he stared day care (and not that bad, he didn't need to go to the doctor or anything). He has been there for about 5.5 months now, so I guess we still have a ways to go to get to a year, but that is where we are at so far.

I would agree with some PP and get him tested for allergies before you go doing something crazy like ripping out your carpet.

highlights · July 2013

My LO was sick his whole first year in daycare. I wouldn't worry about it. My MIL said that even when her older kids changed schools they were sick more often.