Marriage/Depression Question
Hey Girls. First I want to say I'm not a troll. I'm a regular poster on this board, but because this question is kind of sensitive, I don't want to say who I am, or if any friends or family know my user name to know it's me.
I've been dealing with depression since LO was born in early October. Starting in December I've been seeing a therapist. I'm not 100%, I have good days and I have bad days, but it's getting better.
My husband works MEGA hours, and it's just me and the baby 20-23 hours a day. (This includes the hour a day I workout with a friend). I feel like I'm on my own. My hubby seems to think I do nothing at home all day, and is often angry with me.
The thing is, I think he's depressed as well. We've had a TON of changes in the past 9 months. A baby, moving across country and a new job. But, he refuses therapy. We're on the edge of divorce right now, and it completely crushes me.
From your experience is this something that I continue to give it time, and chalk it up to a lot of changes, or do I throw in the towel and walk away? I know the fighting isn't good for our LO, but at the same time I truly believe that it's something that could be fixed.
Re: Marriage/Depression Question
BUT I strongly urge you to work on your own depression first and get your head out of that space before you make any huge decisions. You have options including what you're doing, meds, etc. you may regret a decision you made in the fog of depression. Your H needs to work on himself too. You can't force him but you can work on you. Most things can be worked out but only if both people are willing to show up and do it. Can you go stay w family for a few weeks? What about a part time job? Working really helped my PPD
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Everything you have described, PPD, moving, having a baby, long hours etc all put a marriage under strain, so dealing with all of them must be a HUGE strain.
A friend of mine, who was going through a similar thing, told me that she'd never consider divorce before the baby was two years old, because everything is turned upside down by a new baby, and life doesn't return to "normality" until about then.
Your relationship takes a back seat, as your baby is your priority. So, as PPs have said, try to see divorce as an absolute last resort. Divorce isn't going to fix things overnight.
Very best of luck getting through this.
I am so sorry. I've gone through a divorce and we had a child so I know the pain of the process. Only you can answer your question, but you do really need to sit down with your H. Explain to him what you need and if therapy is something you want, if he isn't willing to go along with you then you need to go for you. I wouldn't throw in the towel just yet though. I fought like hell for over a year before I threw in the towel and DH did nothing that entire time.