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Now what?

ScarlettVScarlettV member
in Baby Showers
Ok so what would you do.

When I was 4w pregnant and told my BFF she said she couldn't wait to throw a shower. It was a random comment to which i just smiled and we moved on. hadnt talked to her since then.

I'm now 16 weeks and my two best college friends asked a few weeks ago if I would mind them throwing a shower. I say of course not. They start planning who to invite, where to have it, etc.

Today I get a Facebook message from BFF telling me she's been pinning shower party ideas and wants to know if she can host at my parents house.

So now I feel awkward. I don't really want two showers not to mention that if BFF tried to throw a shower at my parents, I can 100 percent garuntee my mom would get stuck doing everything; plus BFF lives 3 hours away from them and has 5 homeschooled kids.

I wanted to just suggest she ask my college friends about co hosting, but Im worried she's now going to be upset. She seemed pretty excited all the sudden about planning. Does her randomly mentioning a shower at 4 weeks mean I should have assumed she was doing it? I don't want her to feel like I chose them over her but they kind of actually asked.

Thoughts?

Edit: typos galore
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Re: Now what?

  • BlondieBia21BlondieBia21 member
    I would mention it to her in a non-casual way that "hey, x and x offered to throw me a shower, too- I think it'd be great and helpful for everyone if you guys did it together!" Or tell her that you don't believe your mom would want it at her house because of x, x, x, x... I do not think that her casually mentioning that she wanted to do the shower, means that she was doing it. Don't be negative with her when you talk to her, just say that you'd really love to have all of you plan together because you're all going to be important to baby!
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  • Maimes10Maimes10 member

    I would have either checked with BFF before giving the college pals the go ahead or told the college pals to touch base with BFF.  Her comment was not a confirmation that she was going to do it but totally disregarding it that early in your pregnancy seems unfair, especially because she seemed so excited about it.  You are in a bit of a pickle here.

     

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  • ScarlettVScarlettV member

    imageAlicia0817:
    You didn't talk to your BFF for 12 weeks? You guys sound really close.... FWIW, I'd put your friend in contact with the other girls.

     

    It's called being an adult. We aren't in high school any more, we don't have time to gossip on the phone every night. This is a side effect of growing up and having children, and as I mentioned, bff has five...that are homeschooled...and a one year old. She's busy. I'm busy. If you start writing off every person you don't have phone conversations with every month, you're going to find yourself with no friends.

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  • ScarlettVScarlettV member
    imageMosyMama:

    imageBlondieBia21:
    I would mention it to her in a non-casual way that "hey, x and x offered to throw me a shower, too- I think it'd be great and helpful for everyone if you guys did it together!" Or tell her that you don't believe your mom would want it at her house because of x, x, x, x... I do not think that her casually mentioning that she wanted to do the shower, means that she was doing it. Don't be negative with her when you talk to her, just say that you'd really love to have all of you plan together because you're all going to be important to baby!

    I agree with all this. 

     

    Good advice. I certainly won't be negative; I don't want her to feel left out or under appreciated. Just as long as it's not at my mom's, hah. There is a history of a different party bff was planning and hosting there, and she left it until the very last second; my mom got stuck doing everything when she wasn't even suppose to be involved. It's not bff's fault, she really does have good intentions; I just think sometimes she thinks she can handle more than she really has time for. I'll casually mention my other friends asked, and that I hope they can plan together so all the aunties can be involved.

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  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member
    imageMaimes10:

    I would have either checked with BFF before giving the college pals the go ahead or told the college pals to touch base with BFF.  Her comment was not a confirmation that she was going to do it but totally disregarding it that early in your pregnancy seems unfair, especially because she seemed so excited about it.  You are in a bit of a pickle here.

    THis is what's odd to me.  I can see how you may go long periods w/o tlaking, but because of that - to just move forward w/ other shower plans w/o ever talking to her about it - it's odd.

    However - I agree - tell her that other friends have offered too and you'd prefer to just have 1 shower.  Can she work w/ them?  ANd mention that your moms house isn't an option.

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  • mommytoconnormommytoconnor member

    I understand not talking to your BFF for 12 weeks, big deal, it's called life.  We are all busy and especially if you have kids, you just don't have time.  I would talk to her and explain that your mom's house isn't an option and that you have 2 friends who are also wanting to throw shower and put them in touch so they can work together at planning it.  I wouldn't have just bypassed your BFF and said yes right away to your college friends.  I would have told your college friends that your BFF wanted to host one and have them contact her to help that way she feels important. 

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  • ScarlettVScarlettV member
    imageScout2005:

    imageAlicia0817:


    I'm sorry, I must not be an adult because I make sure that I stay in touch with the people closest to me... Even if it means a quick call every once in a while, not just to share good news like being pregnant.

    You also have one kid, on the inside, if your siggy is up to date.

    The friend has FIVE children. That she is home with all day. 

    I might reserve judgement here until you're even a little bit closer to that friend's reality, and then see how easy it is to snag a quick phone call all that often. 



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  • rpalen29rpalen29 member

    before you told your college buddies yes, you should of went back to your bff and asked her if she still wanted to do it. sorry, but you kinda got yourself into this. 

    i guess you can ask you bff if your college friends can help and co host.  

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