S/A normal = feeling more guilt

Mrs.E.07 · June 2013

We got DH's SA results today, and everything looks normal. That is obviously really great news. But although I do feel very happy and relieved about this, I found myself feeling even more guilty about this being all my fault. I didn't expect to feel this way, and it caught me really off guard. It was as if the normal SA just cemented the fact that our 2 losses are all my fault, and that I'm broken. If we never get our take-home baby, it will be because of me.

Obviously DH has never said that he feels anything is my fault or anything, this is just a feeling I have.

Has anyone else ever felt this way? It sucks

KMW08 · June 2013

Lurking....

I wanted to say that I don't feel it's my fault, but I have a similar feeling.

I don't feel like a failure as a person or in life, but I feel like I've failed in my spouse fulfillment of having children. I want to have dh's baby so badly, but I feel like I've failed him. Does that make sense?

So I don't feel it's my fault, but that I've failed my spouse. This by far causes me the most grief.

::hugs::

buggirl72 · June 2013

(((hugs))) I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I've blamed myself for the loss of Zachary and know that 99.9% of our issues are because of me. It is so easy to point the finger at yourself. Try not to. I know that is easier said than done and that you may need to take a bit of time just to process these feelings and get back to recognizing that you are not broken and none of this is your fault.

Mrs.E.07 · June 2013

KMW08:
Lurking.... I wanted to say that I don't feel it's my fault, but I have a similar feeling. I don't feel like a failure as a person or in life, but I feel like I've failed in my spouse fulfillment of having children. I want to have dh's baby so badly, but I feel like I've failed him. Does that make sense? So I don't feel it's my fault, but that I've failed my spouse. This by far causes me the most grief. ::hugs::

jenek0213:
Siggy Oh Hun! I'm so glad the SA came back normal but I'm so sorry that good news brings negative emotions for you. I struggled [and still do] with terrible racking feelings of guilt and self abhorrence. I just kept blaming myself and it caused me to feel concerned about my relationship with DH. I kept thinking that he wouldn't want to possibly be with someone who cant have his babies. And that he'd be a daddy a long time ago if he'd married someone else. I don't have a solution except just keep reminding yourself that this isn't your fault and DH loves you. You will be a mother someday, it may not be the way you envisioned but it will happen. Just treat yourself gently and know these feelings are normal but try to not let them get the best of you. [[[HUGS]]]

I know exactly what you both mean, I feel this way too. I've voiced those emotions to him and he (wonderfully) says things like "all I need is you". Sometimes I worry that he resents me deep down, but I have no reason to suspect that, and hopefully that's not the case. But I do feel like I've failed him.

EKGibs · June 2013

I feel that way all the time. I know that it's nothing I did but it is my body that is keeping us from getting KU & it's my endo that caused our one & only pregnancy to be ectopic. DH gets really mad at me when I say stuff like that. Especially when I tell him that if he had married somebody else he would have kids by now.

I know I shouldn't feel this way & you shouldn't either but I know it's hard. Just know that you are not alone.((((hugs)))

LunaBug924 · June 2013

((((Mrs.E)))) I'm glad the results came back normal, but I'm sorry for the emotional wave it brought. Like pp have said, I'm sure you know this really isn't your fault at all, but I hate that the thought has even crept into your mind.

We're waiting for DH's SA results as well, but I've already accepted that our issue is with my body, not his. I don't "blame" myself, but sometimes I feel like I want this too much, and I'm being punished for trying too hard. I know it's silly, and I don't really believe that, but sometimes those thoughts creep in.

PinkCamino · June 2013

Mrs.E.07:
We got DH's SA results today, and everything looks normal. That is obviously really great news. But although I do feel very happy and relieved about this, I found myself feeling even more guilty about this being all my fault. I didn't expect to feel this way, and it caught me really off guard. It was as if the normal SA just cemented the fact that our 2 losses are all my fault, and that I'm broken. If we never get our take-home baby, it will be because of me.
Obviously DH has never said that he feels anything is my fault or anything, this is just a feeling I have.
Has anyone else ever felt this way? It sucks

Oh Mrs E! ((BIG HUGE HUGS))

I know exactly how you feel unfortunately and I've brought it up to Dh in the past. He tells me over and over again that our issues (and I love that he says "our" despite the fact they are clearly mine) are beyond anyone's control.

This isn't your fault love. These cards we've been handed are beyond what we can control. All we can do is try our effing hardest to fix what we can.

Any news on the appointment?

Mrs.E.07 · June 2013

Thank you all so, so much. you all. But it sucks that we all have to deal with all of this.

Pink - my appt with the new dr is on July 30th. After that I can schedule the surgery. I will be away pretty much all of August so my options will most likely be to wait until September or cancel one or both our trips (we're going to Switzerland and then I'm going home). I'm sure I'll be posting a WWYD about that in about a month :-/

klbowie · June 2013

siggy warning

Oh love I'm so so sorry you are feeling horrible. I know what you mean about feeling responsible. It's hard but to feel that way some times. Your husband married you and I'm sure when he says all he needs is you, he truly means it. I'm sending tons of mobile hugs!!!

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